What's really going on here?

[MusicIsMedicine]

Would like to hear some opinions on this. Been with my DP almost 4 months. Fell pregnant (unplanned) in month 1, it was ectopic. I am not on the pill and had been tracking ovulation. I told DP when it was a risky time but he more or less insisted on seeing me that week, but I avoided him anyway and told him why, but I ended up ovulating twice in one month and ended up pregnant.

No sooner was the pregnancy over than we were having unprotected sex again, pretty much by mutual consensus. Even though we both said to each other we are not ready to have a child (yet).

I am 37, no kids, previously single for a few years, previous long term partner couldn't have them. This situation is baffling me as I have never taken these risks with any previous partner. We have been having unprotected sex for weeks again. I was upfront from the start that I cannot take the pill or most other hormone contraception for health reasons. We did try condoms but I am allergic to latex. He is not keen on the coil.

He asked me a few weeks ago during a frank honest chat, was I trying for a baby and I said no. But then it occurred to me to ask him the same question, since he has continued taking these risks knowing how quickly I fell pregnant before. He would not look me in the eye after I asked it and sort of mumbled "no." I even made a joke that he might be trying to trap me and he didn't respond!

Interested to hear people's views on this.

[CinnabarRed]

Why aren't you answering questions about STIs and latex-free condoms?

[18yearsoftrying]

Apologies for hijacking thread but along with wallypops I also have to explain to bakedappleflavour that his/her claim isn't factually correct.

You will see me on the infertility section because I was having "2 cycles in one" for the 18 years of attempting to conceive.

I was ovulating whilst bleeding & ovulating when not bleeding.

I ran out of eggs because of this & now have DD by donor egg.

Anyway, back to the original thread....

[Hissy]

You are having unprotected sex with a bloke you know for 12 weeks.

You are both a pair of idiots, you are playing russian roulette with a child's life. You don't know this bloke at all and you are trying for a child with him.

stop being so ridiculous, take responsibility for your own health, contraception and life.

[goddessofsmallthings]

Been with my DP almost 4 months

"DP"??!! At 4 months your 'dp' will have barely graduated from acquaintance to 'boyfriend'.

What's caused two previously sane, sensible people to start doing this together A couple who engage in unprotected sex virtually from their first date cannot be said to be either sane or sensible, therefore flying off to cloud cuckoo land together seems a logical progression to their fantasies about each other.

You do not know this man but you are doing nothing to prevent yourself from becoming pregnant by him again and that is as reprehensible as it is irresponsible.

FGS get a reality check otherwise you may be joining those who come to this board having been dumped by indecisive or philandering twats shortly before or after the birth of their dc.

[DeltaDaenerysWhite]

I'm with everyone else here OP, you need a serious reality check. You're going out with someone FOUR months! That's basically dating! How in the name of jaysis would you think it's a good idea to fall pregnant for him????

I'm with my DP 5 years and I still take my birth control. Because I have to be ABSOLUTELY sure that we should even bring a child into the world. And that's after 5 years!!!!

There's something lacking in your life big time if you feel that this is a good idea. I suggest you take a step away from yer man and be on your own for a while. You cannot possibly know somebody after 4 months. Absolute madness what you are both doing.

[AcrossthePond55]

Remember that the thought of an unintended pregnancy may not affect a man as strongly as a woman. Many men just think 'Oh she'll get it taken care of' as if abortion was an easy peasy choice. Or that they can just walk away if it doesn't suit them, after all, it's her business to sort out contraception, isn't it? Men tend to think that if a woman isn't using contraception that it's 'her fault' if pregnancy results.

If you don't absolutely want a child then you're being a fool. If you don't really care then just realize that statistically speaking you will be going it alone, without help or financial support.

Think very hard about what you are doing. There are ways other than piv to satisfy each other sexually. I'd suggest you start using them.

[derxa]

He wants a child with you- that's obvious. Why don't you suggest getting married? That would settle it for you.

[goddessofsmallthings]

Pure genius derxa This will most certainly determine whether your "dp" of almost 4 months has honourable intentions, OP.

[HootyMcTooty]

It's sounds like neither of you is capable of being responsible for yourselves let alone a child.

[EhricLovesTheBhrothers]

You say you love him but you barely know him. Trust me, it's easy to make a baby when you're all in love and think you have met your soulmate but if I hadn't rushed in to having a baby I wouldn't have had one with xh. You simply don't know him yet. Wait a year, then if you still want to, try then.

And what's going on? Obviously you want to replace the lost baby (been there, done that) and he is just coming along for the ride. He may also want to have a baby or he may just be enjoying all the unprotected sex and assuming it won't happen. You need to ask him!!

[Gorgonzolacherry]

In answer to your question OP, "what's really going on here?", my answer would be you're being a complete moron. Sort it out. It's not fair to bring a baby into the world like this. You hardly know each other. Selfish beyond belief.

[CappuccinoYoga]

Ok. I had a very similar situation last year, right down to the ectopic pregnancy and lost a tube. Sometimes it's as though there's a much stronger physical connection with certain people and we can go a bit mad (not everyone does this, obviously). Definitely get some contraception sorted and try that conversation again with your partner / boyfriend /whatever you like to call him. It is probably a little soon to be having a child with him, but at least the two of you can be responsible in the meantime and prevent a (possibly) unwanted pregnancy.

[mommyof23kids]

I got pregnant 6 weeks after meeting my dh. There was a baby before there was an anniversary and the hot shagging stage was interrupted by morning sickness and a huge belly. I knew it was a terrible risk but was prepared to live with the consequences, whatever that would be.
Turned out he is the love of my life. Sometimes two people meet and they know this is it, why waste time.
You are taking a huge risk though as he could turn out to be a massive jerk who makes your life hell for 18 years. But this is your choice and your future, only you know if you're strong enough to handle it if it goes bad.

[Janette123]

Jan45 ( 25/6/15 )

"His cock must be about a foot long then if he doesn't like it, it's in your womb fgs."

Love it !!

[ohhello]

You both want a baby, obviously.

[MrsCaptainReynolds]

I use Persona. Allergic to latex (non latex condoms are unappealing) and hormone problems, so it's the best option for us...BUT I use it to track my cycle, be mindful of when I'm going to get PMT etc and also to know when I'm fertile in order to have the best chance of actually getting pregnant. I think it is more of a family planning device than a serious contraceptive. So right now I'm using it to try and achieve a reasonable gap between DC2 and (theoretical) DC3, in a happy marriage where an accident would be a non issue.

I don't think Persona is an ideal form of contraception in a relationship of 3 months where neither party is abke to talk frankly about what you want to do about kids.

OP, try not to drift into having children. Being clear that its what you both want and being "all in" will be a much healthier start for you.

[Gfplux]

The OP said

"He asked me a few weeks ago during a frank honest chat, was I trying for a baby and I said no. But then it occurred to me to ask him the same question, since he has continued taking these risks knowing how quickly I fell pregnant before. He would not look me in the eye after I asked it and sort of mumbled "no." I even made a joke that he might be trying to trap me and he didn't respond"


So it seems to me you both quite fancy the possibility of a child. So You are gambling. You only have the security and happiness of a child to consider. Afterwards you can find out if he really wanted one!

If you think that the above is a sensible approach to these life changing decisions..........then I am lost for words.

[monkina]

What about an implant?....I have one & I'm 39 years old the're not just for teenagers.

Seems crazy to not be taking precautions imo if you're not both 100% committed to raising a child. A child changes both your lives, & the dynamics of your relationship.

Be honest with yourselves about what you want & take some responsibility, for all your sakes.

[Yarp]

What's going on is you are having sex with someone you can't talk to.

That sounds like something a 17 year old would do.