Cotton forgot how to maintain her dignity

[handfulofcottonbuds]

Today I let myself down

For 18 months, I have maintained my dignity.

My very STBXH left me for OW after we lost 2 babies and young children in our families after saying that if he stayed with me, there would always be drama!!

Tonight, I finally lost my rag and emailed him to tell him that he had an awful body and really, really bad breath and that his OW was only with him for his money.

He didn't reply.

I am one step away from my Absolute.

I let myself down - please, please make me feel a little better. This is my first wobble towards him and I hate myself for admitting it. Help me?

:o Fantastic!

May I suggestcotton that if you ever have to see him and he speaks to you, you do that blinky "ooh" step-back-turn-your-face-away thing that we all do when someone with stonking garlic breath breathes on us?! :o:o

Thank you

It's true, I can see now how controlling he was. I totally lost my independence and didn't want to do anything without him, even though I was a single, independent and confident women and mother for many years before he came along.

He has taken the moral high ground. I will have to see him again at some point as he still has belongings here and I know he will ask me to be out when he collects them but it's still my home.

I have no doubt he has spent the weekend planning his and his OW's future and how they will celebrate but I can't let that consume me as I know it's nothing to do with me.

I have been strong but I feel a little strange now I am so close to the end.

I know he will ask me to be out when he collects them but it's still my home.

Which is why you say "no, that doesnt work for me. Let me know when you will be collecting them and I will leave them outside the front door", do not give in on that. You said yourself, he controlled you, well that stops NOW! :)

Or alternatively "Sure I will be out, but X (friend, family, new lover ) will be there as I do not want you in my home unaccompanied"

Bogey maybe you could be here?

You told the truth, Cotton. You don't need a shake. Who cares what he thinks...? Onwards & upwards. I don't believe he is going to turn into the perfect man for her and even in the (extremely unlikely) event that he did, he certainly wasn't the perfect man for you. Only in films do frogs turn into prince charming

He's a selfish idiot and as hurtful as it is at times you are far better off without him...let him and OW drop out of your orbit

PM'd you

Ah, see you've given him a gift with this.

Guilt is a fucker and you've been so restrained he's had nothing on you.

Now he can act like the High Sparrow (hoping you watch Game of Thrones) and take the moral high ground by wishing you well blah, blah, blah.

Except you know he can't. Because he's a bastard.

Oh we have all done awful things. I was so pissed off with how an ex-treated me, I signed him up to receive over 400 catalogues and Japanese lessons by CD. It drove him crackers.

He never suspected me which made me wonder what he had done to all the other people he suspected! He got them repeatedly and was such a lazy bugger he just piled them up in his hall until they took over and he had to do a number of trips to the recyclng tip.

Do I feel guilty? Only about the environment.

He never suspected me which made me wonder what he had done to all the other people he suspected!

It does make you wonder doesnt it?! The fact that the prime suspect, the pissed off ex wife, never even crossed his mind makes me really want to know what he did to everyone else!

I wasn't the ex-wife, just the long suffering ex-girlfriend of 3 shitty years.
He suspected a woman from work who he said had a crush on him and was pissed off with him, a woman antique dealer who he had upset over a dodgy antique cabinet deal, a previous ex-girlfriend, his grown up step-daughters, oh the list went on.

Proper charmer then!

It must be great to know that he will never figure out it was you!

Well I haven't seen him in 7 years. Am married to DH now who is just lovely - and my age, generous hearted and with everything, kind, funny, attractive, loving , everything I ever wanted. And we have 6 month old DS.

Don't know what happened to ex.

cotton just saw your name on another thread and wondered how you were getting on.

What's done is done. I kept silent for over a year, then let rip after my (then) 5yo DD came home saying she had seen him and OW in bed together and wasn't that wrong mummy because OW is married to X his friend...

I rang him, he denied it, spun some story about he was in the room but she was in the bed on her own. It was his bed ffs!! I told him she was a trampy little slut and a two faced bitch. I told him he was a pathetic gullible twat who would end up with her cheating on him like she has on her first two husbands and that they deserved each other.

I said everything I had wanted to say for so long. I was shaking with rage.

I felt better but did wish I hadn't lost it

Don't worry about it. Think of it as closure. You've said it now, don't need to say it again.

Good luck. And I agree, bag his stuff up and put it outside. I did that and it pissed him off no end

Thank you skye - it really helps to know that those who have given me amazing advice have also had a wobble at times. I still have a draft email I wrote to him a year ago, I will never send it. It's more a reminder to me of how I felt back then and how far I have come - he doesn't deserve my thoughts.

He annoyed me so much and I lost it, it no doubt washed over him, I don't care now. I felt dreadful last week but I'm back on track again, you have all helped me so much (again)!

The good thing is that it didn't jeopardise the settlement, all papers signed now.

he doesn't deserve my thoughts you got it!

My psychotherapist says "he doesn't deserve your emotions, don't let him have them".