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Original poster

Cotton forgot how to maintain her dignity

92 replies

handfulofcottonbuds · 16/06/2015 23:15

Today I let myself down Sad

For 18 months, I have maintained my dignity.

My very STBXH left me for OW after we lost 2 babies and young children in our families after saying that if he stayed with me, there would always be drama!!

Tonight, I finally lost my rag and emailed him to tell him that he had an awful body and really, really bad breath and that his OW was only with him for his money.

He didn't reply.

I am one step away from my Absolute.

I let myself down - please, please make me feel a little better. This is my first wobble towards him and I hate myself for admitting it. Help me?

OP posts:
Wendied · 17/06/2015 21:25

Don't beat yourself up lovely. It sounds like he hasn't cared much about making you feel bad so telling him he has bad breath is just karma.

Step away from email/texting, pour yourself another glass of vino and think about how you never have to kiss ole smelly breath again - that's a result my friend.

BrowersBlues · 17/06/2015 21:34

About time you did! Stop that nonsense about hating yourself, you are lovely and an inspiration to others on MN. I see this as you finally getting liberated. He was a dick and he needed to be told. Chapter closed, move on. You don't need to be nice. Get used to this new attitude, it is a sign that you are coming back to yourself. Fuck him, he was always a gobshite and he always will be.

SunshineBossaNova · 17/06/2015 21:36

I've just remembered something.

When I was divorcing abusive XH he was incredibly obstructive, despite the fact that we had no joint assets.

He called me at work (he'd been blocked from everywhere else) to tell me he'd finally signed the divorce paperwork.

I lost my rag. I asked him 'What do you want.. a biscuit?' (I meant a medal, but...) At which point L (my lovely friend) and I fell about laughing.

ImperialBlether · 17/06/2015 21:37

Imagine him telling the OW "and you'll never guess what, she said I have bad breath!" - dead silence from OW.... Grin

oabiti · 17/06/2015 21:47

Sending youFlowers, cotton.

Paddlingduck · 17/06/2015 21:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
handfulofcottonbuds · 17/06/2015 23:12

Imperial - that made me laugh! Honestly, I feel bad because I did love him completely but for the last couple of years of our relationship I found it so hard kissing him - and he was a good looking man - but his breath was awful. I was embarrassed when he spoke to people and I told him that last night Blush It just sounds so childish of me.

Paddling - no, definitely not. I don't ever want him to know about me or like me. He lost my respect when he cheated and the following year when I was rock bottom, it was physically and emotionally so utterly painful. FWIW - I have seen your posts and the support you give and you truly come across as a nice person Smile

I am purely upset at myself for allowing him to see the human side of me after all this time.

OP posts:
DancingDinosaur · 17/06/2015 23:16

Oh bless you op, you have been incredibly restrained, you really have. Don't beat yourself up over this.

Handywoman · 17/06/2015 23:26

Cotton well done you for letting a bit of vitriol out. I salute you! Who gives a rats arse what he thinks or whether it was not the optimal thing to do. Life isn't perfect. He sure as he'll isn't.

meddie I actually love you!!!!

Original poster
handfulofcottonbuds · 17/06/2015 23:36

You're right handywoman - you're all right!!

I was feeling so dreadful over the past couple of days. I have a formal grievance going on at the same time with my boss for bullying me and don't seem to get respite at home or work. You have made me feel much better.

I panicked all day waiting for an email from my solicitor to say that he has said I am harassing him but didn't get anything - today at least.

I thought I had messed up my settlement and he would do something awful but it hasn't happened yet.

OP posts:
SunshineBossaNova · 17/06/2015 23:38

Flowers hang in there x

Stuckhere123 · 17/06/2015 23:52

Cotton - I also don't know you full story but it sounds like you were telling it as it was. Don't hate yourself - and don't think you've let yourself down . There's no rules for this sort of thing - it's just people doing the best they can x

abbykins3 · 18/06/2015 00:01

You should be awarding yourself a medal,not berating yourself.

BettyCatKitten · 18/06/2015 00:08

Telling someone they have bad breath, especially when it's true, hardly constitutes as harassment! It could be worse, you could have made a big bonfire with all his stuff!

Original poster
handfulofcottonbuds · 18/06/2015 00:32

Erm, Betty - no, I'm selling that!

OP posts:
BettyCatKitten · 18/06/2015 00:34

High fives Grin

FantasticButtocks · 18/06/2015 09:38

I love what Imperial said about him telling OW 'can you believe she said my breath stinks' followed by silence from OW Grin genius! He may actually be so mortified he says nothing, while trying to subtly lick his wrists and smell them...

Hurrah for you Cotton Thanks

ImperialBlether · 18/06/2015 15:02

Grin FantasticButtocks yes, he's towering over her, breathing fire, she's trying to back away then he comes up with that gem. I can't imagine having an affair with a married man with bad breath. Why the hell would you?

Original poster
handfulofcottonbuds · 18/06/2015 17:57

Money Imperial, money! I'm sad to say I told him that too!

OP posts:
Original poster
handfulofcottonbuds · 18/06/2015 18:05

...plus he's much younger than her - a victory for an OW with no morals. Crap, I told him that too Sad

OP posts:
DownTownAbbey · 18/06/2015 18:28

You were worried he'd 'report' you for harassing him? Oh flower, he was harassing you! Pushing you in person about stuff the solicitor was dealing with anyway? That's harassment!

You won't have affected your settlement in any way - he was harassing you and you told him a home truth. After cheating and being a pushy turd he's had a long overdue taste of his own medicine.

Chin up chicken!

Bogeyface · 18/06/2015 19:02

I am not a great believer in "above all, dignity". Sometimes we need to lose our shit, apart from anything else, our dignity makes it so much easier for them walk away without a worry in the world. Fuck. That.

Personally I think a fucking good rant, telling them exactly what they did, how they made you feel and what a rank horrible vile person you now know them to be can be cathartic.

Or putting the dirty pictures she sent to him on a hook up website with her phone number, but the police got a bit stroppy when I did that so I dont recommend it Wink

Original poster
handfulofcottonbuds · 20/06/2015 23:04

He contacted me, taking the moral high ground and said FWIW, he truly hopes I sell the house for a good price and come out of it okay financially and he hopes I will be okay in the future Confused

I guess it clears his conscience Angry

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 20/06/2015 23:18

I guess it clears his conscience

Sweetie, if he had a conscience then he wouldnt have treated you the way he did in the first place.

He just took your email as a way to prove that he was right to leave you all along and to show what a saint he was to put up with you. It has to have all been your fault because otherwise he is a cheating lying bastard and there is nothing on Gods green earth that will make him admit to that. You know the truth, so dont let the bastard get to you.

I have to admit that I would probably reply with "You hope I will be ok in the future? Well thank you. I on the other hand, hope you die alone in great pain." but I am not terribly sensible when it comes to such things!

Keep the faith xxx

FantasticButtocks · 20/06/2015 23:18

Yeah maybe, but it doesn't clear his breath though Grin