If this a affair / start of affair

[Rainbowsky123]

Oh crap, where to begin?

My heart is pounding so this maybe a little jumbled.

H got a hand me down iphone two weeks ago. He has synced his phone to his iPad as it pings every time I message him.

He has always been open with his phone and so have I. We both have the same pincodes and we often ask each other to reply to each other's texts if we are busy.

His iPad was left on the desk from last night on the little case stand upright. I have just been at the pc and a message pinged up and lit up the screen and it read "start thinking of excuses now ready for Friday I really want to see you"
The message disappeared off the screen so I unlocked the iPad and there is messages, stream off messages off a woman starting the time he goes to work until he gets back home.
They are not overly inappropriate but full of sweethearts off him and Huns from her. But overly friendly than I am comfortable with.
And they start and end with can text now, then can't text back home now.

What the hell do I do? I need answers as these are red flags aren't they?

I could just sit and watch it unfold as I can see both sides of the conversation BUT I don't have time on my side, we are moving house soon exchanged contracts on sale and purchase. We go in a month, I can not do this without him due to mortgage I am well short of cash as we are moving to a bigger house.

As far as I am aware he has not cheated before but there was a incident of some kind about 7/8 years ago when he was meeting a female colleague behind my back, told me he was meeting a friend for a game of pool. Left his facebook page open on the messages the day before the meet and I put a stop to whatever it was before it happened.

Any words of wisdom ladies? I handled it so wrong last time and I can't do that again. He lied and I found out nothing at all. I can't go there again as it took a long time to get that trust back.

Any update on the excuse... it's nearly Friday.

Fuck the excuse! get the legal position sharpish.

Sorry, pardon my language, forgot I was on Legal...

Seems each thread I read on here, people are really quick to want everything to end for other people instead of working through stuff!!!

There is nothing to work through. He is emotionally cheating on her. I would even waste my breath; I'd be out sharpish

Not at all jabbsy but unfortunately lots have us have lived through these sorts of threads. Some stayed, some left (I personally stayed) but the advice is still the same.

Remain dignified, sort your ducks out and get yourself some rl help and space if you can.

Hissy helped me no end under a different name and so did others and now I hope, since I'm in a better place now, im helping others sort through their feelings during the raw period of finding out/starting to doubt.

I hope the op is ok.

It could still be nothing more than enjoying attention though, and if there's some love there still, having an openly honest conversation about it is surely better advice than 'make sure you're financially stable then dump that chump'
???

I have my iPhone and iPad synced. The only messages that show up from your phone on the tablet are iMessage from other iPhone userss. You can't receive sms/texts on an iPad (unless theres some fancy way of doing it I don't know about).

Sometimes though the chats aren't up to date, and it's not because I'm deleting messages or anything. I think it's something to do with the phone and iPad syncing on the same wifi network or something? I don't know, but absence of messages doesn't mean he's purposefully deleting stuff.

I'd guess he's thinking, "well I haven't done anything wrong" right now, and that's why he's acting all chill when you're silently freaking out. Even if you do find something, he can say, "it's just dome doll I met on that course, chill out and stop being paranoid!" and not be lying. Of course, that might change if things do progress and if you were able to leave it to take its almost natural course. I'd guess you'd see him become more and more secretive and becoming wise to the need to cover his tracks over a comparitvely short period of time.

And driven away by the 'well if I'm getting accused of cheating anyway, I may as well do it'

If the house sale can be stopped, it will save potential grief if this all blows up, which is extremely likely.

To blindly go through a move, tieing up debt and stuff together when there's infidelity on the radar is mad.

Knowledge is power. The op needs to understand all angles in order to make the best decisions for her, and to make sure the worst case scenario is something she can manage.

Hectoring the op for an excuse is rubbernecking tbh, telling her to ask some very important questions very fast is the best thing for her, not necessarily making those big decisions, but knowing the consequences of any actions she feels she needs to take.

Atm everything needs to be off the table and she gets to work out what she does next.

The single most effective tool in making a cheating partner (and he's cheating emotionally right now) is to show them the cold hard reality of their betrayal. To show them they'd be history in a heartbeat. And mean it.

Cling on, do the pick me dance and the sneaking contempt and lack of respect that's already seeded enough for him to consider himself entitled to his actions will grow.

Once the shake up has happened, he has to be 100% transparent and prepared to answer everything.

This relationship with this woman is inappropriate. It needs to stop.

THEN the couple can work on seeing if they can save their marriage.

Sorry Op wouldn't believe a word he says.

Glad you have your lovely friend for support.

How did today go, OP? Hope you got some answers.

Any update OP? Hope you're okay!

Did he go out last night OP? What was his excuse or have you confronted him?

Have you said anything to him at all yet op?

How r u op?? Please update us