This isn't ok is it?

[RaisingMen]

Please tell me if I'm overreacting here.

I used my husbands facebook last night on his phone to look at something a mutual friend had posted. My phone was in charge, husband happy for me to use his. I go to the 'search' bar and it brings up his most recent searches. Husband is a bit rubbish with technology, doesn't really know how to work FB, doesn't use it much etc. There are only about 10 searches in the past year, but five of them are for a female ive never heard of, and two variations of the spelling of her first name. Three of these searches were made yesterday, the other two a month or so ago.

I ask him who she is, he lied and said he doesn't know and he hasn't searched for her. When I show him the searches in black and white, he then says its a girl who lives in a different part of the country who he speaks to all the time through work.

He hasn't 'found' her on FB, so I assume she isn't a user, but these searches have taken place when he's been at home on a weekend, so it's not even like he's spoken to her at work and then thought 'ooh, I'll have a look and see if she's on facebook'.

We have a five year old and a three week old, and I feel sick to my stomach. He has no previous form for this, he is an incredible dad and husband usually and he is, and always has been, dead against cheating. We've been together for ten years.

This isn't just an innocent facebook search is it? He said he lied because he thought id be pissed off (even writing that is making me laugh at how cliche it is). Am I wrong to feel uncomfortable about this? Am I overreacting to what he claims is just an innocent look on facebook?

You can snoop if you want but five searches in the past year? I search people I fancy WAY more often than that. It's not necessarily a sign of infidelity. But gut judgements are often right. It might be an ex or someone he cheated with a long time ago.

Sounds like he enjoyed the "idea" but didn't see it through.

Whether your relationship is salvageable our not depends (I think) on how he behaves now. Of hrs devastated and shocked and appreciates how close he came to ruining his, your, and your DC's lives, all four a bit of flirty chat, then hopefully he will work everyday to earn your forgiveness and trust.

If he minimises and denies, then don't put yourself through the next few years of pain (for you) by prolonging the inevitable.

I don't think some of the above posters read my update.

He's very sorry Aye, and he's saying all the right things but he wasn't sorry until I read the emails. I'm feeling better today, mainly because I got some sleep last night and I will talk to him this week and see if we can work through this. His saving grace is that he seemed to stop the flirting himself, and I know that he'll have no reason to speak with her now her company isn't a supplier anymore. I think I'd like to at least try, although I change my mind hourly on that! I do love him and we have children together but I'm not going to be a mug, he has to put some serious effort in to proving himself and repairing the damage.

Sorry, RM, I was interrupted before I posted and didn't refresh so I didn't RTFT

You sound a lot brighter, actually. Hope things get decently resolved.

Sorry raising, I hadn't read the update. Sorry to hear it was unacceptable flirtation. I hope you can have a brutally honest conversation with him and also explore if this is rare behaviour from him or something he's dabbled in before. Glad he's now taking responsibility. Sorry you had to find out yourself.

Thanks both x