I made a good/bad list. Help me decide

[WhatToDoNow001]

So I've name changed for this so I can be honest and even hide away from the truth if I need to ;)

Here is my list, what would you do?

Negative:

He has hit me
He has raped me
We rarely have sex
He spoilt our holiday
He can't contribute towards the house financially
He doesn't seem very interested in getting married and progressing the relationship
He says he wants kids, but doesn't speak about how we might get there
He is rough with me when we have sex
He misunderstands my sexual wants
Sex is rarely exciting
He is a terrible drunk

Positive:

He is usually kind (when sober)
He is usually caring (when sober)
He is really intelligent
He has a lovely face
He puts me first (when sober)
He is financially generous
He would be distraught if we spilt up
He loves me (when sober)
He leans on me
We have fun and a laugh (when sober)
He is my best friend

Should I just give up drinking and expect he does the same? FWIW I enjoy a drink and don't get lairy with anyone. If I make this relationship work I will need to be tee total so that he can be as well. What would you do?

Get out before there's any children involved. Once you have kids, you'll never be able to get him out of your life completely.

It's hard to leave a relationship but there will be someone out there who will treat you as you should be treated. In the meantime, you can leave and rebuild your confidence so when you do meet someone you are stronger in yourself and more likely to listen to your 'twat radar'.

In DP's worst moments he:

• doesn't notice the housework needs doing
• is often a bit late
• tries to put everyone first and fails to keep everyone happy!

That's the worst I can say about him. No violence. No walking on eggshells.

You deserve that too.

OP, if you have to feel false whenever he is awake then now is the time to get out. Before he goes too far and you are carried out in a body bag. He is a violent rapist. Not a good person to be shacked up with.

What is the house situation? If it is rented, you can get another. Or you can change the locks and kick him out. If it is mortgaged, you can kick him out.

Butterflywings - he raped her. How can you say "maybe, just maybe it can work out between you two".

What planet are you on?!

The 'negative' side of my DH

1. He leaves his dirty socks on top of the laundry basket lid
2. He is over fixated on table manners
3. He lets the dogs on the settee

I hope you can see that your man is in a league of his own.

What would I do?

Run for the hills. No one would hit me and have me still thinking they were ever 'kind'. And as for rape......I'd have made a police report.

The rest is irrelevant.

Negative sides of mine...

He chews his fingers all the bloody time
He thinks he is the master of the remote.

If you don't feel you can just walk out the door, thats understandable. My guess if that you love him but you have a feeling of dread in your stomach every time he starts to drink?
But please take time to just think things through. Are you happy? Can you spend your life watching with your breath half held waiting to see if he's going to drink or not?

Maybe think about where you want to be in a years time? 5 years time? Do you want to be confident, happy, feeling loved? Have children that have 2 involved parents? Can you get that from him? Be very honest when you think about that, because it matters, and it will hopefully help you focus and decide to leave.

From the outside this relationship is a very bad one, and I understand. But when you're in it you can't imagine how different life could be, so I'm going to list the worst things about my ex and my dh

Ex
Didn't trust me at all so never left me alone for a minute
Enjoyed telling me i wasn't pretty enough and made me an anxious wreck
Cheated on me, then told me it was because I didn't give him enough sex (i was willing, he wasn't)
When challenged on the cheating, hit me, more than once

DH
Has a hot temper so when we row, will stop mid discussion and tell me he needs 10 minutes
Likes to sing "I love you" in annoying voices when drunk
Thinks my exasperated face is cute
Cannot make a frigging omelette without it becoming a smush.

The difference is amazing, and DH isn't perfect, he's just a very nice man.

This has to be a wind up surely?

How can anyone look at those two lists and think they've got a dilemma?

It's a no-brainer.

I pointed that out a while ago Fontella and my post was deleted by MNHQ

that posters would take it seriously, flock round like vultures feasting on the appalling details of a made up situation