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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

WWYD if 'D'P did this to your DS

91 replies

intenserecovery · 08/06/2015 07:49

A few months ago we moved into DP's house. It has been very difficult to be honest as he has grown up kids and was very strict, I have 12 year old DS who is a lively lad. Basically they were messing about pranking each other a little last night and DP had enough told DS to stop bothering him and go and play on trampoline, which is fine. But when DS went out DP locked the back door - DS ran back and looked worried and was trying to open the door. I know him well and could see he didn't like it and was getting upset. I was sat at kitchen table and said to DP 'open the door' - the exact reason I didn't get up and do it myself is that I am trying to let them sort their own stuff out and me getting up and doing it would be me interfering and 'saving' DS. DP opens the door but then kicks off at me saying I can't tell him what to do in his house, and if he chooses to discipline DS in this way he can do. I said no I don't agree with locking him outside, he was scared (DS is big scaredy cat). He didn't need to do that. He said if it was his child he would have locked them out, I said well thats up to you but I don't do it with mine.

What do you make of this?

OP posts:

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 08/06/2015 16:19

Well done Intern you've done the right thing, not only for you, but for your boy.

Psipssina · 08/06/2015 16:23

Don't let ds tell him either, and don't give him your new address. You may as well not, in case he gets arsey about your breaking up with him.

(you are breaking up with him yes?)

lunar1 · 08/06/2015 16:25

Is it wrong that I love this thread. So often there is an opening post like this. Everyone says LTB and the op says but I really really love him. And on it goes for 600 posts.

Op you are a superstar putting your son before a nasty bully. Enjoy your new home and freedom.

NickiFury · 08/06/2015 16:29

I'm glad you got sorted so quickly, is it your old place?

In answer to your OP, I would have charged to the door and opened it myself, no two ways.

Are you going to speak to him or just be gone?

Smellyoulateralligator · 08/06/2015 16:29

Well done intense. You are absolutely doing the right thing. P sounds just awful - good luck with the move and getting rid of this loser forever

ouryve · 08/06/2015 16:43

So you're in "his house"? Move back out. He's a bully.

ouryve · 08/06/2015 16:47

And I really should have read on - I see your DP has been unpleasant to you, too.

Glad you were seeking confirmation that moving out is the best course of action. I'd put my kids over a twatwaffle like this, any day.

Original poster

intenserecovery · 08/06/2015 19:01

I want to end the relationship but that will be very hard. Got to get moved out first and take it from there. Thankfully he came in and soon went out again tonight. Long may he stay out. I will have to tell him we are going as fair amount of packing to do which cannot be done in one day, plus removals booked for Saturday so he will be around. He won't kick off about it - he will probably say good or something like that as he would never lose face

OP posts:

eddielizzard · 08/06/2015 19:06

what an arse. i'm glad you're moving out.

Lweji · 08/06/2015 19:16

So glad you are moving out and so soon.

And
there were problems early on with DP being horrible to me

This does not surprise me one bit, he has just moved on to your DS.

Wishing you a happy life, but make sure you are safe when moving out.

Purpleflamingos · 08/06/2015 19:17

Glad you're moving and and putting yourself and your ds first. Well done.

kittybiscuits · 08/06/2015 20:11

Good decision. Hope you and your DS will be happy in your new home x

Grumpyoldbiddy · 08/06/2015 20:17

Well done on making plans to move out and also it sounds like you and your ds have a lovely relationship.

I don't actually understand from your op what ds did to warrant being punished not really important any more

CarbeDiem · 08/06/2015 20:30

He sounds like an arsehole and you will be well rid.
Bullying a 12 year old - what a fucking knob!
Well done for acting so quickly.

Nyborg · 08/06/2015 20:34

I wonder if your son was scared because he thought your partner had locked him out before hitting you. Even if not, I am so glad you're going. Good for you.

ItalianLemons · 08/06/2015 20:50

Wow, so glad you're moving out op, what a nasty shit. (The lady licked out in her pj's, while you're mother at work, how fucking sad, I bet that stays with you I hope your stepfather has suffered in other ways) you can't possibly be in love with a man who does this to your child.

ItalianLemons · 08/06/2015 20:51

Locked not licked sorry

JustHavinABreak · 08/06/2015 21:10

Wow! Good on you. If you moved into his place and he didn't bend over backwards to remind you and your DS that this was your home from now on, then he wasn't viewing the whole situation right at all. If this relationship is to survive he needs to do a lot of changing, and let's fave it, that sounds very unlikely.

SmillasSenseOfSnow · 08/06/2015 21:42

My family changed the locks without telling me (I was a child that walked home from school), got there and my key didn't work, wandered up to the nearby park and found my stepdad who hated me, he refused to give me the new key (and was really smug and spiteful about it, he really felt he'd won one over on me that day) so I went round to my godmother's house and explained the situation and was allowed to hang out there for a while, feeling like an unwelcome charity case, actually.

I hate threads like this, it makes it really hard for me to deal with how to feel towards my mother (who is still with him, approximately 14 years on from that incident, but not without breaking up, reassuring me he was gone now and he should have been gone a while back, then remarrying him anyway).

Sorry for blabbing on about myself on someone else's thread.

happyh0tel · 08/06/2015 22:43

Stick to your plan, move out asap !

Suggest spending quality time alone with your son

Be happy in your safe, secure new HOME with your son

Suggest saying to your STBXP it just was not working out

saturnvista · 08/06/2015 22:51

I would definitely move out as quickly as you can. Your son deserves a home and one where you are in charge. Your DP doesn't sound a good person to have chosen as a step-parent although at the same time, I think you should have intervened when it was clear (as it must have been) that your DP wasn't keen for all the 'pranking'.

Charley50 · 08/06/2015 22:55

Glad you are moving out. Why will it be hard to break up with him though? Will he harrass you, or do you feel attached to him?
I agree that he's a wanker btw so I hope you split up with him when you move out.

Lucked · 08/06/2015 23:03

Well done.

I can't for the life of me work out what exactly he thought your son needed disciplined for, he did as he was told and went outside. He is a bully.

These are meant to be the honeymoon days, not that moving in doesn't highlight issues, but you should both be so happily in love at this stage. I hope you find happiness some day with a man who your DS can look up to and admire.

SabrinnaOfDystopia · 08/06/2015 23:16

I would do what you're doing OP - good luck

My ds is 13 now and taller than me but I can't imagine anyone doing this to him - so mean.

Original poster

intenserecovery · 09/06/2015 04:21

Well he worked it out that we were going. Makes it easier than telling him. Just got to get through next 4 days now - urgh 4 more nights here makes me feel sick but we have no other option and I need to keep things as stable as possible as DS has end of year exams next week. Shit timing :(

I have tried to break up with him many times but always fall back into it. I know for sure that I would never, ever, ever consider living with him again though

OP posts:

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