Taken for a fool?

[redtulip68]

Right I'll try and jeep thus brief. Meet a man ten months ago, after m husband left the family two and a half years prior. Everything has been good between us. He lives the kids and they live html been introduced to some if his friends but no family as they live at the top end of the country.

My parents don't like him and visa versa but I've been coping.....trying to jeep them apart really. He dies suffer from bouts of depression which seem to gave lessened over the time we gave been together....yippee! However, my parents have been putting pressure on our relationship right from the start.

It transpires that last week my father spoke to my partner about some issues they have him. These are namely I gave never been to his home during the ten months were have been together...something always happens to prevent thus from occurring, he is always short of money...saying his sister deals with his finances since a period of depression two years ago caused some financial problems, his duster gas refused to meet me because apparently she finds our relationship a problem. I know lots of you are looking to the sky and shouting fool but most.of this hasn't been a problem to me. We have been to lots of events together with his employees, I'm introduced as his parter, he does pay for things (occasionally).

The thing apparently last week during the conservation that occurred whilst I was at work, my parents informed my partner that they have already discussed these issues with me, together with the fact that they had been to his address to find our about him and apparently he doesn't live there. I only found out about thus two days after the event and whilst my partner confirmed to my parents he would talk to be about their issues on the day of their conversation, he hasn't spoken about it.

He went home and spoke to me uni rally everyday, he went last mi day and spine on the following three days, but I've heard nothing since. I received an text saying how much he loved the children and I but nothing since.

I'm not stupid....i do know he isn't married, especially as he spends three days out of seven with me. But I'm concerned. If he has been lying throughout our relationship then I want to know the truth and why he felt he had to lie.

You want to trust him but he's lied to you and so you don't, so the closest you can get to the truth is to interrogate his friends, family, employees and to snoop. The snooping gives you a false sense of security because you haven't found out anything terrible and therefore you can rationalise his lies and his motives for telling them.

The scary thing isn't his lies but your delusion. Are you seriously going to consult your children (especially one who you suspect is on the spectrum) about whether you stay with this guy? And the even scarier plan, to use your situation as a teaching moment for your children against the pitfalls of lying, WTAF! You've gone from, he lied about where he is living to him being secretive about his address.

This man has integrated himself into your life and lives of your children in 10 months but yet you have to act like a PI to get the low down on his life, this doesn't stack up.

For someone who won't tolerate being lied to again, you're doing a bang on impression of the opposite. If you can not trust him to tell you the basics then what is the bloody point.

So on Sunday you'd never been to his home but yesterday you went inside his bedsit. On Sunday you'd never met his family as they lived far away and his sister refused to meet you, but now you say you've spoken to his family.

That was fast work.

As to your introducing your children, a general guidance would be not after only 3 months when there are big holes in his story and you've never been to his home. And please don't involve your children in the question of his lies and whether to stay with him, it will be massively confusing for them. And if you end up staying with him you will be condoning his lies.

I can understand why your parents worry about you, you seem to have really poor judgment.

Oh gosh, please don't involve your children in this.

They will learn that lies are a bad foundation for a relationship, and they will learn that some mistakes can be forgiven and some can't, but not at 10 and 11 and not when it's about your relationship. They are too young and they are not counsellors.

I think, unfortunately, it will come out that there is a bigger lie that he is concealing. I can't tell you what, but his actions don't add up. I also think that if you want to carry this on, you will, and perhaps those lessons that you mentioned for your children need to be learnt by you first.

Just don't let loneliness or sunk cost fallacies keep you in a terrible relationship. You don't know him. He lied to you. It should be all sunshine and butterflies at the moment and instead you've been sneakily checking out if he's married and investigating his lies. Would you want this for your children? Because whatever you say to them, they will model future relationships on yours. Would you tell them to walk away from someone who didn't value them enough to tell you the truth?

He hasn't even come up with original reasons why. Just the usual "I was scared to tell you/you weren't worth the truth" bollocks.