what would you/DH do if MIL sent the following ?

[Mojomummy]

...it's about me not going to a family do (because I am fed up with her snidey commments & also fed up because DH doesn't support/defend me/stick up for me.

I will never forgive you for making my son so unhappy, and putting him into a position, of having to let his own Dad down, for someone who has done so much for you both.
You do not deserve my Son, he is far too good for you, and I have no intention of a reconcile with you.

You might manipulate those who love you, but you will not manipulate me ...........do things always have to be on your terms.

I hope you are happy now, we have put up with your selfishness and your true colours have shown through and I dont like what I see.

But you had better make my son happy again, otherwise you might lose more than your in laws.. (we might be happy with that), but you wouldnt be, and at the moment its not what he wants, so you need to make amends with him sooner rather than later.......you are a very silly woman!!!!!

You may have won the battle but you haven't won the WAR!!!!!!

thanks....it was a 'special' birthday do.

All friends & close family were invited - we don't know anyone down there & I wouldn't trust a stranger. Also I was incorrectly told that we wouldn't be able to take DD2 in (to sleep in her pram) but it turned out another couple went ( found out after the event & they only have 1 baby)

DH is seeing them tomorrow, to try to resolve it all. It would appear she's been harbouring these feelings for a long time...not sure what can be done though.

I'm just stung/bruised & battered by the e-mail - & there was a one earlier to that + 1 or 2 sent to DH, almost as spiteful.

I'm trying to put it down to post menopausal madness...& hearing how MIL's are from everyone on here has been quite reassuring (& also quite sad)

I would be well pissed off with DH. She is insulting his choice of wife and should be big enough to stand up to her. Having said that my DH is controlled to a degree by his folks and could be swayed by their outdated, racist, ignorant views if I didn't stamp on them first. His lack of backbone is so frustrating for me sometimes. I was rather drastic after a particular showdown over the name of our son where DH turned tables on me and I did not mince my words and told him that he could take a hike and that I did not want to be married to such a spineless pathetic excuse of a man nor did I want that sort of father for my children (it was just 5 days after the birth of DS ) and he got the message but such drastic measures perhaps should only be used as a last resort [wink[]

Mojomummy my opinion is that you had every right to refuse the invitation, so soon after the birth of a child. Your mil is not only bullying and manipulative, but incredibly arrogant: "you do not deserve my son" - who is she to judge? She is a poisonous piece of work to try to come between you and dh. I am so lucky my in-laws are loving and generous-spirited. Dh and I titter behind their backs at their fuddyduddy old ways, but they bend over backwards to behave fairly to us and dh's sister.

My MIL is toxic and horrid.

she remarked to my mum at my wedding, 'She has got herself a very good chef and doesnt deserve him!!'

Witch.

she has drip drip dripped comments over the years but I refuse to cry over her anymore.

'Dont think you can buy me with cheap presents' she said when I gave her a family photo of the wedding.

She only met ds2 for the first time in Sept (he is 2 later this month) and now wonders why I wont go and stay with her in Amsterdam with Dh and the boys.

You can either rise above it and ignore the email or deal with it. I would INSIST that DH dealt with it....he would.....we always come first and I cannot imagine what he would say if I ever received an email like this.

I would NOT have gone to the party esp with 2 tiny ones. I avoid all contact with her. I truly despise the woman.

I received something very similar from my SIL (married to my brother) and I will never ever in a million years have anything to do with her now. Your MIL sounds as self-centred and immature as my SIL.

I have not read the full thread but I tend to disagree with the first posts, yep is his mother and unfortunately you marry the family in addition to marry the man but...

Sometimes the ILs can be so downright nasty and out of their mind that the best thing you can do is draw a line and pretend they don't exist. I insisted for years in forgiving, trying to sort the things, blah, blah, blah and nothing helped, I don't even need to open my mouth to be blamed for anything (FGS I can not even complain about the weather because MIL takes it as a personal attack on her) so... in all these years the only thing I have earned of insisting in improving that relationship is the deterioration of my own marriage.

So, I do my best to avoid her as much as possible (since the day I had to lock myself in the bathroom because I was sure that if I had stayed out you would have hit me) but still, every time we see her, even if it's for an hour or so, she ends up acusing me of something I didn't and DH and I end up not speaking to each other for a few days.

So my only advice is to respect yourself, she might be the mother of your DH but you are the wife of her son and as such she owes you the same respect. Don't tolerate from her what you wouldn't tolerate from any other person.

(since the day I had to lock myself in the bathroom because I was sure that if I had stayed out SHE would have hit me)

ignore it-she wont change. my mil said marriage with her son wouldnt work cos we went to different churches. I refused to change- he changed to mine- she never forgave me. Died recently without us ever being friendly

Dh spent some time with MIL & FIL last night...it appears it's a communication issue...I'll be hearing all about it tonight. Thanks for all your comments, I'm still bemused, but at least, well, I'm not the only one.

fgs, ignore the old bag. t ten weeks you cant be expected to leave a baby alone to go for a hundred mile trip. if the baby isnt invited, then neither are you.
but keep the email, ddont dlete it.
silly bag. doesnt she want to see her own grandchildren?

A communications issue???????
Has your DH put a back bone on his christmas wish list????

My DH1 would NEVER let his mother or ANY member of his family treat me badly, (and beleive me his family are horrible) His ex sister had a go at me a few weeks ago and DH phoned her and told her in no uncertian terms that she was not to contact him, me or our childern again (hence she is now his ex sister) his mother lives close to his sister and is quite scared of her as she is a bully, so tends to side with her so that means she will no longer be seeing my children or her son again. DH1 chose to marry me and to have children with me, he did not chose to be born in to the family he was born in to, me and the children come first always have always will (despite the fact we seperated a few months back, but i am the mother of his children even if we are not together and he will not let anyone disrespect me).

I think you need to piont out to your DH that HE married YOU and needs to tell his mother to take a running jump