People who were single around age 30 for whatever reason, but really wanted a relationship. What happened and where are you now?

[itsyourday4]

I want to hear from people who wanted a relationship but found themselves single at 30.

Did you meet someone or didn't you?

I live in a quiet town but work in a big city. I am scared my dream of a family won't happen - some women in their fifties in my office never met anyone and I feel terrified that that may be me.

I was single at 30. Now coming up for 42 with a husband and two children aged 9 and 6. If you want a family you need to pursue it and not waste time with men who don't want the same or who don't know what they want.

Divorced by 30 (best thing turns out) single for 5 years then met DH and squeezed in 2 DC by 40! You are young, get out and enjoy life. Have fun.

Single at 30 after some fairly useless short term relationships. I decided I needed to change my life- lost 4 stone to be a size 10, started making an effort with my appearance and forced myself to socialise more. Had a lot of fun (made me sad thinking of all the wasted time in my teens and twenties!) At 31 I met DH in a club and we just clicked- moved in together 6 months later, bought a house a year after that, married by 33. DC 1 at 35 and DC 2 at 40. We're happy.

In a nutshell.
I Married at 26, divorced at 31, Met a lot of frogs for a few years None worked out. Met Dh at 35 (online). Got pregnant then married (in that order) at 39. I turned 40 a month after DS was born . Took about 2.5 years to get pregnant from when we started trying at age 36. Now 50 years old and been happily married for 10 years with a 10 year old.

My advice, if you want children, start trying quite soon after you meet the right person if you are in your 30s. Also don't be too fussy about who you will try a date with. Don't try for too long, if after 2-3 dates (max) there is no chemistry move one but give them chance. Don't dismiss them on small things or initial shallow things, unless you really find them unattractive.

I have divorced friends in their 40s who are adamant they only find younger men attractive as apparently "all" men in their 40S are "bald, hairy, overweight and look old " etc. This doesn't do them any favours and is a pretty immature view I think.

I agree with
This

and this

Not me, but my sister. She was single at 30. She's 32 (almost 33) and met her fiance online 18 months ago. She's getting married this August and is planning to TTC soon after.

Agree with what's been said about making it happen. Or trying to.

My mate from work (now my best) happened to invite me to her local one Saturday when she knew that her mate would be there as she thought we'd get on. However it wasn't the sole purpose for going, she also just thought I might fancy it as it was ostensibly an afternoon drinking with her.

I could have easily said no if I'd have been hungover or lazy but I didnt, that was never going to be the day I met my future husband, but it was

Married first time at 21. Separated when I was 35. Divorced when I was about 37. Went on a few dates but was happy to be single after Ex. Wanted to meet some new friends (women and men - just as mates) so joined a national organisation to meet people - not a dating agencies just a big organisation that gets you out and about or doing dinner, theatre sort of things. Figured I'd meet people with similar interests if I did the things I enjoyed rather than specifically 'trying' too hard. Met DH through the organisation when I was 39. Married when I was 41. Had DS at 44. I really enjoyed my single years. I was out with friends a lot, made lots of new friends through the organisation I joined and had a lot of fun. Still friends with all of them. They came to our wedding which was lovely.

Yes, I met someone online at 33. I got pg very quickly and we got married (I was still on the rebound, looking back, and panicking).

I'm now a single mum and my exh is a total cunt.

Be warned, don't panic and do something stupid like I did!

And definitely agree with the making it happen posts on here. I loved my old friends, they supported me through a lot, but I needed to get some friends who didn't know the old me so I could move forward (if that makes sense). Sitting about waiting for them to knock at the door was not going to happen. So I got myself out there and my confidence took off. I have no problems joining things I am interested in now, whereas when I was married to my ex I'd find every excuse not to.

And apparently a good friend of my dh told him, when he was concerned he would never meet someone, he'd meet someone through some existing connection because you only have good friends and they'll lead you into good people.

Basically, be open to new friends and situations.

I agree, accept every invitation even if you can't be arsed to go!

At 30 I was in a long term relationship but was desperately unhappy because I felt I was "settling", although he'd ground me down so much I honestly didn't think I could do any better. Every time good friends of mine announced their engagements I tried so hard to be happy for them, but on the inside I was weeping, because I could see how much in love they were and I felt that my chance to find that bond had eluded me.
At 32 I finally got out of that relationship, lost 2 stone, started an MA and regained my confidence. I joined Match.com and threw myself into internet dating. Had a couple of short lived flings over the summer then met someone incredibly special and we just clicked. We moved in together when I was 33 and got married when I was 36. Sometimes I have to pinch myself because I can't believe my luck - there were times when I thought I'd never find the right man and I'm so glad now that I held out for him and didn't settle for second best. Being with the wrong man was far worse than being single IMHO.

I was with someone from the age of 16,we got engaged when I was 17 and then married when I was 18,we had two sons together now 19 and 16.I split up with him when I was 24.

I met someone when I was 25 we got engaged and moved in together,we had a little boy now 13,I fell pregnant again 11 months later but I'd split up with him before I realized I was pregnant again(on the pill and breastfeeding youngest son)I had a little girl she's now 12.He never saw our little girl and I cut off all contact.

I was really happy being on my own and was doing really well Vice Chair of Sure Start and going to college.All 4 children were very content.

I was 29 and I joined friends reunited,after being on there for a little while I heard about friends reunited dating site.I wasn't really looking for a partner,just a friend.I have 2 older brothers and most of my cousins are male and a lot of my friends growing up were male as well and on that site you could make friends or look for a date.

I met a few nice guys on there and we became friends nothing more,that was all I wanted.

About 3 months later my now DH got in touch with me on there and we hit it off straight away.He knew I wasn't looking to date anyone and he was fine with that.We started off just chatting online and then once we got to know each other better we started texting each other.

Then one day he phoned me one evening once the children were in bed and we ended up chatting for 3 hours non stop,it was brilliant and from then on he'd text me every day to check how me and the kids were getting on and he'd phone me every night once they were in bed.

After about 8 weeks of chatting he told me that he felt like he was falling for me and he asked if I'd consider going on a date with him.I panicked big time!!and didn't respond to the text message.
Within 5 minutes the poor sod texted me back and said don't worry about it forget I said anything I'd rather have you as a friend than nothing at all.

That was it for me.Valentines Day in the evening I had sorted some family to babysit,he came and picked me up.We went bowling and then back to his house where he cooked a gorgeous Italian 3 course meal.He'd bought me a dozen red roses,a lovely card,lots of other pressies and bits for all 4 of the children.

From the outside people would have thought the odds were stacked against us.
I was 30 and had 4 children,he was 23 and had no children.
He hadn't long got out of a marriage where his wife had been having an affair and I'd ended my previous two serious relationships because of Domestic Violence.
So we both had really good reasons to not trust anyone else.

But we knew right then and we've been together ever since and I'm so grateful for that dating site or we might never have met and gone onto have our DD who is now 7 years old.

My DH is Dad to all 5 of our DC,he has adopted our 4 older children.
We've been together nearly 10 years and are still very much in love with one another.We've been married for a few years now and for us we know this is it.It will always be us and our children,neither of us are ever going anywhere without the other by they're side.

I met dh when I was 28 but we didn't get together until I was 31, is never given him a moments consideration until we both got drink at the Christmas party. We've been together 17 years this year.

ok, well, my 30th bd was one of the unhappiest days of my life as I'd been very recently, suddenly and cruelly dumped by a man I'd loved being with (although now I see he wasn't worthy of love just because he was good company). Anyway, gutted, and with a low self-esteem, I did internet dating. I remember, early on I met a really nice guy but because I felt so shit I ended it with him and went on a date with a narcissist. I ended up having two children with him and it was a nightmare getting away from him as he became more and more abusive. I left him, and had psychotherapy, but I wish I'd had psychotherapy before doing internet dating. I would have realised that I was valuable, not that somebody would be doing me a favour taking me on. I'm not unhappy now though. I love the children and I'm doing OK. Can't be bothered relationship-hunting.

Had a couple of disappointing relationships. Met my now husband on a blind date set up by mutual friend when I was 31. Married at 32, had ds at 34 and dd at 37. Still happily together 30 years later. Don't give up hope. You have plenty of time. Don't settle for second best.

Single at 30. Had met the person I thought was the One but he didn't think so. Spent a couple of years getting over that and working on self-esteem etc.
Met DP just before I turned 35 (a few short-lived 'relationships' and online dating in between) moved in 18 months later and had DD last year at 37.5.
DP has two children already so I am 'stepmum' too.

I never would have thought I'd even date a man with children, let alone live together and have our own baby. So I would say it can definitely happen for you but it might be be different to how you thought.

I was very single at 30 in 2010. Met DH later that year, we moved in together after four months (I'd never lived with a partner, or even come close, it was terrifying!), I was pregnant (and in hospital with hyperemesis!) after ten months and now four years later (I've just turned 35) we are married with two little boys, 4 months and two-and-a-half. We were very efficient! I agree with other posters that once it happens it moves a lot faster in your 30s. DH and I had more or less explicitly checked that we both wanted children soon-ish before we even went on our first proper 'date'. And to be honest, the year I met him was probably the first year that I actually knew myself well enough to give a serious relationship a proper go. For years I had thought I wanted to settle down and didn't understand why it wasn't happening for me, but in fact I'd been consistently sabotaging/avoiding serious relationships.

Split up at 30 after 11 month realtionship, got together with now dh at 31. Had dc1 at 36 and dc2 at 41. Dh worked for same firm but not in same office. Had no work contact but was a friend of a friend.

Single at 30... and 40.
Met partner at 42
Had a baby naturally at 42.
Single at 44.
Still single at 48.
I guess I'm just destined to be single, lol...

I left my ex of 9 years when I was 30. Had a couple of (crazy) single years then met DP. We have been together 2.5 years and DC1 is due in 3 weeks

51 and never married. I would hate for someone to feel "terrified" at being me.

I'm not sure when my SIL got married but she had DD1 at 39 and DD2 at 42.

My uncle married in his 40s...his wife was in her late thirties and had their DD at 38. He thought I was a child bride at 24. :o

30 is nothing these days, truly. I'm 33 and a mere infant.

At 29 I ditched a 6 year long relationship as it was going nowhere and left the country we were in. I was with my 8 year old DD1 and felt the country we were in was unsafe. DD1 has no contact with her DF.
Ended up meeting someone else at 30, we left for a different country with his job. I found myself in an abusive relationship. I was completely isolated, but managed to escape with DD after almost 3 years.
At 32 ended up back in the UK with DD, jobless and homeless, just the clothes on our backs and £1k, basically couch surfing and unable to get any help as I was not a habitual resident of the UK even though we had British Passports. Got DD into school, got job and flat within 2 months.
Met DP now DH at 33 totally not my usual type, started as friends, married at 38 and been together 16 years now. DD now grown, and DP and DD get on really well even. Those were dark times, and I made some naïve decisions, but we all have a great life now.

I was single at 28, 29 and 30. Had a big think on my 39th birthday about where I wanted to be in 10 years time (married, children). Started dating my dh 6 months later, married at 32, two children by 36. The dream is a wee bit grittier than I imagined buy am very happy.