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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Getting over a one night stand

60 replies

Shoegal0305 · 30/05/2015 12:25

So I've been single for 9 years. Had a few disastrous liaisons and for a few years secretly lusted after a much younger man. Background........he used to live in my town but two years ago moved about 80 miles away. We are friends on Facebook and early this year, after a comment made on a mutual friends page, he PMd me and we started messaging. The texts quickly became very flirtatious. Then we swapped mobile numbers. Now I've NEVER expected anything from him but he felt, well, like an itch that I had to scratch!!! Does that make sense? I felt I needed to 'conquer' him!!! The texts became quite sexual and we shared fantasies with each other. I then plucked up the courage to ask him to come and visit me for the night. He said he would. Anyway since then he has been offered a job on the other side of the world, which he quite rightly has accepted. So last night he kept his promise and he came to see me. It was brilliant! I knew what I was getting into but I still am struggling with the fact I may never see him again! I know I probably sound stupid as I did go into this with my eyes open but I didn't think I'd feel this 'sad'? He left this morning and if I knew he was just going home 80 miles away I don't think it would bother me so much but I know that's that! I'm ready to be criticised as I know folk will say what did I expect? I just need some help to get clarification in my head that this was actually a night which I suggested and I wanted and it happened!

OP posts:
stonelog · 30/05/2015 12:27

Well done, you conquered him. Now get over it and find something to keep you busy.

Original poster
Shoegal0305 · 30/05/2015 12:30

Thank you stone log this is exactly what I need to hear lol!! I really think if he wasn't going off to the other side of the world it wouldn't bother me so much? I don't want a relationship with him but it would've nice to think we could meet up every now and then? I think it just feels so 'final'. We've been flirting for months and months all leading up to last night so now I'm feeling really kind of flat. Hmm

OP posts:
stonelog · 30/05/2015 12:34

Yeah it's an anti-climax. Chalk it up as a great, short-term experience and move on!

And you do want a relationship with him, admit it!

Original poster
Shoegal0305 · 30/05/2015 12:37

I really don't but I had envisaged meeting up with him every now and again which obviously I can't do now. He isn't the relationship type he has always admitted that.

OP posts:
SleeplessButNotInSeattle · 30/05/2015 12:38

Sounds like it was a flea bite - one scratch isn't going to fix it.

No advice but I can sympathise as would probably drive me nuts too. At least you're in touch through Facebook. (Although that's potentially worse if he moves on and you get to see it all...)

Agree with PP, find something to keep yourself busy!

SleeplessButNotInSeattle · 30/05/2015 12:41

Didn't mean flea bite in a disrespectful way BTW - have had them and they're bloomin' itchy!

sebsmummy1 · 30/05/2015 12:42

There are an awful lot of men out there who would bite your hand off for a FWB set up. It's obviously not going to be a regular thing with this guy as he will be thousands of miles away. But no reason why you can't find a nice local guy that you can see as and when instead.

Original poster
Shoegal0305 · 30/05/2015 12:42

Thank you sleepless....

I'm feeling elated at finally having 'conquered' him but also desperately sad as that's the end of months of flirting and suspense! He has always been honest with me about the fact he likes to play the field (yes I was careful the condoms came out lol)..... I can't say he has ever led me on.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shoegal0305 · 30/05/2015 12:43

Sebs mummy if only it was that easy there doesn't appear to be any available nice men lol x

OP posts:
sebsmummy1 · 30/05/2015 12:51

I assume you aren't using online dating sites? I am absolutely sure if you registered with POF and had a good look around you would find some local guys. You don't say you're looking for FWB, you start off dating a few different people and then you can decide if you fancy getting physical with one of them.

Original poster
Shoegal0305 · 30/05/2015 13:15

Sebs mummy I tried POF it was full of weirdos lol x

OP posts:
sebsmummy1 · 30/05/2015 13:26

I met my soon to be husband on there lol, so Ive cleansed the site of one weirdo at least.

ALaughAMinute · 30/05/2015 13:48

A night of passion sounds like fun but that's all it was so you need to get over it and move on.

If I were you I'd leave it a few days and then find myself another much younger man to conquer! Grin

goddessofsmallthings · 30/05/2015 14:14

To paraphrase JC of Rome: vidi, vici, veni Grin

Parting can be such sweet sorrow, but it's best not to torment yourself with regret for longer than 5 minutes as there's an endless list of new lands waiting to be invaded.

So many men - so little time Wink

Shakey1500 · 30/05/2015 14:23

It's because the lust and thrilling anticipation of what might happen are potent emotions. And, luckily for you, it was all you imagined it to be. Equally though, it might have been easier if it had been a crap shag and therefore easier to "get over".

I'd revel in the deliciousness of it all, pat yourself on the back that it came to fruition and store it in the wank bank for future use Smile

And you never know, it could still turn out well. Was it as good for him you think? (not meant disparaging on your part!). The "world" is a small place now. I'd keep it cool, reference it was a top night and be blasé.

ScrambledEggAndToast · 30/05/2015 15:39

You have my sympathies OP, how frustrating.

Still, onwards and upwards. Hopefully there will be someone out there for you who lives locally who is even nicer.

Original poster
Shoegal0305 · 30/05/2015 15:49

Thanks all all good advice. I'm sure I'll be ok in time I just feel it's the move to the other side of the world which is making me feel like this. He's been completely honest with me throughout which I obviously appreciate. He's never promised me anything other than what happened and I'm sure I won't be the last before he goes away!!! But he IS a lovely guy, we've been 'friends' for about 5 years. As I say I just feel it's been years of lusting after him, months of texting him all leading up to last night! And if he'd just gone back home 80 miles away I'm sure I wouldn't feel like this as there would be a strong chance I'd hook up with him again. But it just feels BANG that's if!

OP posts:
Original poster
Shoegal0305 · 30/05/2015 15:52

Shakey haha yes I'm 100% sure he enjoyed it as much WinkWink. Good advice to store it all in the wank bank haha! I texted him and said thanks for a nice night he texted back he'd thoroughly enjoyed it and he's really glad we'd managed to get together for some fun before he left.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shoegal0305 · 31/05/2015 09:20

I just can't shake off this feeling of utter 'sad' I don't know how else to put it? HmmHmm

OP posts:
ALaughAMinute · 31/05/2015 09:30

It was a one night stand with a younger man, you're not allowed to feel sad! Joking aside, you wouldn't make a very good cougar would you? Perhaps you should find yourself someone nearer your age who is available for a longer-term relationship next time?

It's not easy I know, but I'm sure you will find somebody soon.

Original poster
Shoegal0305 · 31/05/2015 09:33

Lol I feel elated at the fact I sleep with him!!! I feel so sad as he's ovine away to the other side of the world and all the flirting and anticipation of the last few months has just come to an abrupt end. Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
Shoegal0305 · 31/05/2015 09:34

That's meant to say MOVING away

OP posts:
LimeMoon4 · 31/05/2015 12:06

You could look at it as being the perfect scenario....this way you've had a night of passion with someone you've lusted over for ages and then he goes off to the other side of the world. No awkwardness if he decided he didn't actually want to hook up again, no wishing you could see him more often, no wondering if you could have 'more' from him...just a fantastic night and some juicy memories.

It sounds better than him being close enough that you could actually get hurt if things didn't go how you hoped they might.

Totally understand what you mean about the months of lusting and flirtatious texting, it's really sad when that stops as it's nice to be wanted but wrap it in a box and store it away as a night to remember, and move onto the next one!!

Original poster
Shoegal0305 · 31/05/2015 12:18

Thank you lime moon you've summed it up perfectly I just wish my head would catch up xx

OP posts:
minkGrundy · 31/05/2015 12:32

I guessing it is the cessation of the texting you are missing.
Either find someone else to text, sometii g else to do, or keep texting him and taper it off gradually.
Him being at the other side of the world does not stop you sending the odd saucy text.