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Original poster

Getting over a one night stand

60 replies

Shoegal0305 · 30/05/2015 12:25

So I've been single for 9 years. Had a few disastrous liaisons and for a few years secretly lusted after a much younger man. Background........he used to live in my town but two years ago moved about 80 miles away. We are friends on Facebook and early this year, after a comment made on a mutual friends page, he PMd me and we started messaging. The texts quickly became very flirtatious. Then we swapped mobile numbers. Now I've NEVER expected anything from him but he felt, well, like an itch that I had to scratch!!! Does that make sense? I felt I needed to 'conquer' him!!! The texts became quite sexual and we shared fantasies with each other. I then plucked up the courage to ask him to come and visit me for the night. He said he would. Anyway since then he has been offered a job on the other side of the world, which he quite rightly has accepted. So last night he kept his promise and he came to see me. It was brilliant! I knew what I was getting into but I still am struggling with the fact I may never see him again! I know I probably sound stupid as I did go into this with my eyes open but I didn't think I'd feel this 'sad'? He left this morning and if I knew he was just going home 80 miles away I don't think it would bother me so much but I know that's that! I'm ready to be criticised as I know folk will say what did I expect? I just need some help to get clarification in my head that this was actually a night which I suggested and I wanted and it happened!

OP posts:
Original poster
Shoegal0305 · 31/05/2015 12:45

Thanks Mink.

Yes I do miss the texting, the anticipation etc. it's like the past few months have just stopped
Dead!

I don't want to keep texting him........ I figure if he wants to text he will, he's moving away in 3 weeks, he has loads to do, why would he continue to text? If I text him do I not just come across as desperate? X

OP posts:
FlabulousChix · 31/05/2015 15:09

You planned a one off and that's what you had. Some can't do one night stands maybe you need to rethink your stance on it

Original poster
Shoegal0305 · 31/05/2015 15:15

Yes I know......... I just didn't think I'd feel this strongly? I think if he wasn't moving abroad it wouldn't bother me so much? It just seems so final ...... Lusted after him for years, he used to live in the same town, he moved 80 miles away and we start texting then we finally get it together 3 weeks prior to him going......Hmm

OP posts:
Shakey1500 · 31/05/2015 16:25

I wouldn't text him now. As you say, he's busy moving etc. I'd let him settle for a month then text a cheery "How you settling in?" and see what ensues.

Also I'm a great believer in if it's meant to be, it will be Smile .

Keep us posted though!

Original poster
Shoegal0305 · 31/05/2015 16:33

Thanks Shakey I'm not going to text him. I will, as you suggest, leave it a bit then send a good luck text in a few weeks. He's not an avid texter anyway....... I'm sure in time I'll feel a lot better I think it's just such a big comedown after all the anticipation etc x

OP posts:
Original poster
Shoegal0305 · 01/06/2015 12:23

Bump

OP posts:
Eekaman · 02/06/2015 00:26

Yes.

Yes.

Clarification duly given. :) Glad you both had fun.

Original poster
Shoegal0305 · 02/06/2015 07:20

Eekaman it sure was that!!! Smile Just Hmm it'll never happen again..... With him I mean! X

OP posts:
HeyDuggee · 02/06/2015 07:30

You keep talking about if only he wasn't moving to the other side of the world, then...

But you're making a huge assumption that if he wasn't, he'd want to see you again. I doubt he would. He sounds like the kind who enjoys the chase and the challenge and that would have been it for him. Wouldnt it be harder to have him live 80 miles away and ignore your future advances?

Original poster
Shoegal0305 · 02/06/2015 07:36

That's possibly the way I need to think? It's hard as I don't have any family support to mull things over with, have great pals but obviously they can't be be here all the time to allow me to get this out my system!

I do honestly believe we would hook up again if he stayed in the UK...... I do. I feel that maybe that would be easier as it would taper off a bit more gradually than the sudden way it's ended now. As has been suggested it's the cessation of texts etc it was exciting and made me feel really alive.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shoegal0305 · 02/06/2015 07:38

Plus we have mutual contacts ..... I met him thru a sport my son does...... So I would see him sporadically at events. But obviously that's not gonna happen now lol x

OP posts:
Eekaman · 02/06/2015 12:50

Well, you do have a passport don't you?

A holiday on the other side of the world, with added benefits thrown in, could be exciting. :)

Original poster
Shoegal0305 · 02/06/2015 12:58

Eekaman lol if only I had the funds Winkx

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Original poster
Shoegal0305 · 07/06/2015 08:16

So a week has gone by. I'm still cyber stalking my 'crush' haha. I know it will get easier but I'm still feeling this overwhelming sadness. He's deleted his Twitter and Instagram account. I obviously can't ask why as he'll know I'm looking!! I thought he'd maybe blocked me and panicked but then thought why would he? I searched for him from my sons Twitter and Instagram and from a few friends and he still comes up 'not existing'so im guessing it's in preparation for his big move? Still not heard from him so, my lovely MNers, you are my only outlet for all these silly feelings I'm having........

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Ledkr · 07/06/2015 08:43

Hi op.
I think you actually like him more than you care to admit to yourself.
In which case the one night stand will have stirred up lots of emotions which is why you still feel like this.
Good sex triggers all sorts of chemical reactions in the brain which make you feel close or bonded to the partner..
When I was single I learned to avoid shagging anyone I had anymore than "lust" for or Id be sad for ages.
You just have to "get over" him like any breakup.
Which means keeping busy, having fun and funding your next conquest to take your mind off him Smile

Original poster
Shoegal0305 · 07/06/2015 08:50

Ledkr I absolutely like him LOADS. Have done for years but always thought he was well out my league and huge age difference. I've always known, since I knew him, that he likes his women he doesn't want the whole relationship thing, and that's fine. He's at a totally different stage of life to me. I think my sadness lies in the months of anticipation, flirting,etc. then due to his sudden decision to move abroad, it's all ended very abruptly. I honestly think if he stayed where he was, we'd hook up again.

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Ledkr · 07/06/2015 08:59

Seeeede Grin so can you stop moping now and be proactive in moving forward.
He sounds like someone I used to see and trust me a relationship with him would be worse.
I got messed around for two years snd it nearly broke me.
Funny though I am now married to a younger man who is gorgeous and amazing but who dies love me back which is always a bonus Grin
What is your next exciting plan?

Original poster
Shoegal0305 · 07/06/2015 09:05

Ledkr I know he isn't relationship material, he has never tried to kid me he is. I just feel he was an itch I had to scratch, and I did, and I feel elated at that but my smugness (lol) is spoiled by the overwhelming deflated feeling I have. The whole process was like months of foreplay.and the crux here I'm sure is the move away? I will never see him again and that makes me sad.
I joined eharmony (utter shite) and POF (not overwhelmed)...... Spent a bloody fortune! All I'm being offered is fat balding blokes in their 50s! So what was meant to make me feel better has made e feel bloody worse!

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Ledkr · 07/06/2015 10:21

Boring I know but I did meet DH in a club. Same experience as you of online dating, I don't look or feel my age so don't particularly want to date older men!
The right person will come along when u aren't expecting it, cliche I know but the night I met him Id announced I was taking a break from men to concentrate on my kids, career and house. Typical.
Just take satisfaction that you can still pull a younger guy/who u like,
The move away is far easier in the long run, rather that than him being able to see more of you and not doing so.

Original poster
Shoegal0305 · 07/06/2015 11:09

I just wish I could relish this feeling of pulling this man and not let it be spoiled by this awful sad feeling Hmm.

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Original poster
Shoegal0305 · 07/06/2015 19:39

So I have an overwhelming urge to text him........

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Ledkr · 07/06/2015 20:22

S text him then, you were texting him before so why stop now? Got nothing to lose.

goddessofsmallthings · 07/06/2015 20:23

So text him. I'm sure his ego will be immensly gratified to know that a woman he shagged, and hasn't given a second thought to since, is eating her heart out at not being able to be one of his UK booty calls because he's going to the other side of the world.

You didn't "pull" him, honey. You put it on a plate and he turned up for the meal. The rest is all in your imagination as it was never going to be anything more than casual sex for him.

Original poster
Shoegal0305 · 07/06/2015 20:30

I go have something to lose....... At the min he is going away and I've not come across as too desperate. If I start texting him, why? He isn't texting me as there's no point ....... It's not as if we are gonna get together again as I've said I'm not likely to ever see him again? I'm just holding on to a stupid fantasy! I KNOW THAT! I just don't know how to work thru it......

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goddessofsmallthings · 07/06/2015 20:52

Does this "huge" age difference have you playing autumn to his spring?

If so, that's all the more reason to keep your dignity as there's nothing more desperate than an older woman fixated on a younger man who can't even be bothered to text 'thank you ma'am' after they had a one night stand at her instigation.

The quickest way to get over one guy is to get under another and there's no shortage of younger men online and in rl who are up for a tryst with women of a certain age.