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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Tore husband a new one last night.

85 replies

Betrayedbutsurvived · 29/05/2015 19:15

And I don't know if I over reacted because of past experience with abusive ex.

He was messing around on his iPad, reading through the dreaded FB, and reading out random "funny" statuses to me. Suddenly he started laughing like a drain, literally wiping tears and gasping, so I waited expectantly for the hilarious witticism.

It was a "joke" from someone he went to school with. I'm paraphrasing, but basically, it was something along the lines of , he went crabbing but couldn't catch many so went home for a pair of his wife's used knickers, it took ten men to haul the catch in after that.

Now this is exactly the kind of shit my ex used to come out with, in fact I thank god FB didn't exist then, or he'd have posted this for sure, so I went ballistic. I was crying, yelling at him that I thought he was better than that, that it was misogynistic crap, and that this twats poor wife was probably abused and he was sat laughing about it. I really went to town. He was shocked and apologised, but then said that saying I was disappointed in him was a "vile thing" to say. So I exploded again! How dare he make out I was in the wrong etc.

Anyway, all calmed down, he apologised profusely, deleted the twat, and says he has learned from the episode, so we've made up. To be fair to him, in the 16 years we've been together hes never come out with crap like that, so I do think it was a one off and he's learnt.

But now I feel guilty. Should I apologise, did I over react because of twat face ex, or is it normal to be so offended by this kind of thing?

OP posts:
ClawofBumhead · 29/05/2015 22:09

Stupid yes. Funny no. Misogynistic no.

I'd be more upset about how stupid it was.

Bahh · 29/05/2015 22:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bahh · 29/05/2015 22:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Offred · 29/05/2015 22:33

No, it's about his wife's knickers smelling rancid... Clearly... Not having much luck with ordinary bait, need something better, use wife's knickers and get a massive catch because they stink so bad...

Who wouldn't get upset by a 'joke' like that?!

It's vile.

GinSoakedBitchyPony · 29/05/2015 22:36

As Offred says. The joke is nothing to do with big underwear or an STI.
Whataload has explained it upthread.

Eekaman · 29/05/2015 22:49

Can you imagine the uproar if a thread was started, ''tore the wife a new one last night'

Misandry.

HellKitty · 29/05/2015 23:41

I've re-read the joke, yeah it was sexist. Had to be 'used' pants? Up to now I honestly thought this was a big hoo-har over some large knickers.

I think everyone who has been in an abusive relationship has some no-go phrases that take you back there. I do. My friend's word is 'cow', doesn't seem bad but it instantly brings the abuse back for her.

I hope the op is ok and her and her DH are having a lovely brew.

GoatsDoRoam · 30/05/2015 00:20

Clearly I haven't been hanging out with enough misogynists, because I just couldn't understand the "joke" in the OP. Just genuinely did not understand what it referred to.

I see some posters have explained it, so it's not just me. This is considered humorous? Well I'll be.

GatoradeMeBitch · 30/05/2015 00:55

Forget sexist, the joke was just shit. A 'my wife's so fat, how fat is she' joke? He's easily amused...

DioneTheDiabolist · 30/05/2015 02:07

OP, the funniest joke I ever read was extremely distasteful.Blush. But it made me laugh until I hurt. It wasn't something I chose to find funny. It just made me howl with laughter.

YWBU and you know it. I'm glad you have apologized.Thanks Abusive relationships damage you at your core. They make you hyper alert and distrustful of yourself, never mind partners.

Your over reaction is telling you something. Your asking for advice and addressing it is commendable and insightful.Smile

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