Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Tore husband a new one last night.

85 replies

Betrayedbutsurvived · 29/05/2015 19:15

And I don't know if I over reacted because of past experience with abusive ex.

He was messing around on his iPad, reading through the dreaded FB, and reading out random "funny" statuses to me. Suddenly he started laughing like a drain, literally wiping tears and gasping, so I waited expectantly for the hilarious witticism.

It was a "joke" from someone he went to school with. I'm paraphrasing, but basically, it was something along the lines of , he went crabbing but couldn't catch many so went home for a pair of his wife's used knickers, it took ten men to haul the catch in after that.

Now this is exactly the kind of shit my ex used to come out with, in fact I thank god FB didn't exist then, or he'd have posted this for sure, so I went ballistic. I was crying, yelling at him that I thought he was better than that, that it was misogynistic crap, and that this twats poor wife was probably abused and he was sat laughing about it. I really went to town. He was shocked and apologised, but then said that saying I was disappointed in him was a "vile thing" to say. So I exploded again! How dare he make out I was in the wrong etc.

Anyway, all calmed down, he apologised profusely, deleted the twat, and says he has learned from the episode, so we've made up. To be fair to him, in the 16 years we've been together hes never come out with crap like that, so I do think it was a one off and he's learnt.

But now I feel guilty. Should I apologise, did I over react because of twat face ex, or is it normal to be so offended by this kind of thing?

OP posts:
Betrayedbutsurvived · 29/05/2015 19:48

Sorry, get in the fucking bin?????

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 29/05/2015 19:48

have you had any help in processing your past abusive relationship ?

AnyFucker · 29/05/2015 19:49

yeah, "get in the fucking bin" is beyond the pale, rather

this is the relationships topic, not Fucking Fight Club

Betrayedbutsurvived · 29/05/2015 19:49

Not really AF, in those days it was all brushed under the carpet.

OP posts:
MyRightFoot · 29/05/2015 19:51

as a victim of abuse and sexual violence, i really hope i wont be reacting like you in 16 years time. please take necessary steps to deal with your trauma. the joke was a crap one but didnt warrent your reaction.

AnyFucker · 29/05/2015 19:51

I know. We know better now. Have you looked at the Freedom Programme online ? No physical commitment necessary, and do it at your own pace.

missqwerty · 29/05/2015 19:51

This thread can't be for real surely?! So you went mental at your hubby then titled the thread as above?

RagingJellyBean · 29/05/2015 19:52

Note - "get in the bin"

Not the same as

"Get in the fucking bin".

Betrayedbutsurvived · 29/05/2015 19:55

Thanks AF, I'll look into that. To be honest I didn't really know where to start so many years after the event.

I'm going to leave this thread now as being called mental and told to "get in the bin" for a mistake (albeit a big one) that I've apologised twice for isn't helping.

OP posts:
Justusemyname · 29/05/2015 19:56

No advice but Flowers, Cake and I hope you're okay and that your DH accepts your apology and understands your strong, and understandable reaction.

SunsetsAndStarlings · 29/05/2015 19:57

OP apologised for her title so how about people lay off her instead of all trying to pile in and have a go like a hateful little gang? She came here for help and advice.

OP your husband will understand...sometimes it takes a small thing to set us off if we haven't dealt with our past and recovered properly.

RagingJellyBean · 29/05/2015 19:58

And that's the beauty of the Internet - when you don't get the answers you want you can just walk away Grin

SunsetsAndStarlings · 29/05/2015 19:59

What on earth is 'get in the bin' supposed to mean? It sounds ridiculous and hateful.

Offred · 29/05/2015 20:02

There's some ridiculous and hateful overreaction on this thread IMO.

Glasshouses and all that...

RagingJellyBean · 29/05/2015 20:02

It's a Scottish thing.

It means - quite literally - take yourself to the nearest bin & sit in it because you're acting rubbish.

AnyoneForTennis · 29/05/2015 20:03

AF yeah he might 'get over it' but why should he? Maybe he will forget it or maybe he will be looking to move on.... Away from this madness

Offred · 29/05/2015 20:04

How unkind... Sad

Offred · 29/05/2015 20:05

It's one overreaction people... one... And there is a reason for it...

Let's get things in perspective please.

AnyFucker · 29/05/2015 20:06

Jellybean, are you trying to excuse your comment ? It ain't working.

Offred · 29/05/2015 20:06

Living for the day when a woman can overreact (or even have perfectly reasonable reactions for that matter) without being called 'mental'...

RagingJellyBean · 29/05/2015 20:06

Nope.
Why would I excuse anything to strangers on the Internet GrinGrinGrin

AnyFucker · 29/05/2015 20:09

OP, you do what you need to do. This board will still be here if you need it.

lljkk · 29/05/2015 20:09

If the lines were changed to:

"she went crabbing but couldn't catch many so went home for a pair of her husband's used pants, it took ten people to haul the catch in after that."

I'd find it just as coarse-funny-daft, and not something that is sexist (or gender swapped). So I'm not seeing the sexism or abuse at all , just a vulgar joke.

3CheekyLittleMonkeys · 29/05/2015 20:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 29/05/2015 20:10

haha Grin Grin Grin

yuk