child protection conference

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Today the dcs and I have received invitations to a child protection conference. A social worker came once to see dh and the dcs, I was in hospital at the time so did not see him. He has not made any attempt to speak to me since. The conference is at the 6th form of the dcs school so they do not want to go. The leaflet says we need to let our views be known but views on what?
I know SS see me as the issue due to MH problems as they have checked with dh that he is home to look after them and not working away as he often does.
What input can the dcs have as none of us know what plan they want?
I suspect they want me out of the picture which would solve all their problems but I also know this is the last thing the dcs want. It would also leave them open to abuse from my mother as dh let's her take over and my issues stem from her narcissistic parenting.
Have also read some positive horror stories on here about heavy handed SW so very worried about what could happen

OP, I would urge you to get someone from your crisis team to come to the conference with you. It also strikes me that you need some sort of advocacy at this stage not only for the conference, but to put some pressure on the mental health team to get you into treatment asap. How has this not happened?! Its outrageous that you are have been released from a section and not given crisis support. Hopefully this can be addressed at the conference.

I can understand 100% why you might be feeling panicked, frightened, misrepresented, judged etc.

But the fact remains - the conference is going ahead, you need to be there (with support), and you need to try to engage.

It is unlikely that the SWs are arseholes with an agenda. I'm going to level with you, here. Their job is to safeguard your children, and if you are being sectioned regularly, walking out and sleeping rough etc - there IS going to be a question mark over whether the children are safe. They would not be doing their jobs if there wasnt.

(I think I can speak from a unique angle, here. I have been a Safeguarding/CP lead for various organisations AND I have had serious mental health issues. I have seen this from both sides of fence).

OP, the decision will be reached at the conference and you will be provided with detailed notes following this. If you do not attend, or do not have a trusted advocate attend who can supportively explain what has been discussed, it can feel like a very alienating experience - you may feel as though the CP conference outcome is something that is being 'done to you'. This can, ime, make it much harder for people to engage in the process and work towards the agreed outcomes.

I attended one conference where the parent was overwhelmed by the idea of being in the actual room, but was in an ajoining room, with an advocate doing some to-ing and fro-ing at key points. Might that be an option?

OP I'm appalled at both the treatment you've received from SS and from so-called SWs on here.

You are ill. It seems to me you are being discriminated against because you are ill. I'm sure in years to come this state sanctioned form of discrimination will be looked on as shockingly wrong and the law changed, but for the moment you have to work with it as it is I suppose.

I can understand you wanting to stay away from your dc if you are perceived as a problem, but unless you go to that meeting you are going to have to stay away permanently because you are not resolving anything. If you go home after the meeting they'll just want another one.

So my advice would be go home. Get in touch with MIND who are really good in my opinion at understanding what you are going through and will support you. Go to the meeting with an advocate (from MIND?) or a solicitor. Try and reassure the SWs that you are doing all you can to do your best for your dc - which I'm sure you are

wide and Eric you refer to a 'decision' being made at the meeting and the OP being 'informed'.

Can I ask what you think a decision will be made about?

If you read the whole thread bunchoffives there are explanations of what decisions will be made.

Indeed.
As you would see if you read the thread my advice has been the same as yours.
The decision is a decision on whether or not the children will be made subject to child protection plans and the OP will be informed in writing.
All of this info is in the thread, not even very far up. In fact you'll see that the post about the decision being made was a direct response to a question from the OP.

I am in despair. The SW gave me details of local advocacy service today but they cannot help as it is too short notice. This is the same with everyone else I have tried. Surely they should have have advised me that I was entitled to an advocate in sufficient time for me to get one? I like the idea of a separate room and think I could just about manage that but as no one can act as advocate even that is denied me.
I know they will go ahead anyway but is there any way I can complain so at least this doesn't happen again?

Yes you can certainly complain to the reviewing officer, they take a dim view of social workers failing to inform and include parents or children properly. They have the power to make SWs feel very uncomfortable as they can pretty much take over our practice to our managers.
There should be the opportunity for you and their dad to meet the reviewing officer prior to the meeting in any case. Can you call the SW and get the name of the RO? Also did you spot the post saying that you can take a friend for moral support?

Ask them about their complaints policy, they're oblidged to tell you how. Can a trusted friend or family member act as advocate? Hope you are on some sort of meds, if not please consider it

rake over our practice

Please don't despair - it really isn't necessary for you to attend and you are best advised not to do so without support.

However, did you note from my earlier post that if you are unable to attend (for whatever reason) provision should be made for you to speak to the chair prior to the conference and did you ask for this to be arranged when you called today?

Presupposing the conference is schedule to take place tomorrow, even at this late stage provision should be made for you speak on the phone to the chair prior to the stipulated time as s/he will be a senior SW from another team within your LA's SS and presumably, they'll be in the office tomorrow morning.

Regardless of what decisions are made, you most certainly can complain - and should - about the lack of information you have been given and the SW's failure to make an appointment to see you after he'd visited your home and seen dh/the dc Assuming that this took place while you were in hospital, there's no reason why he shouldn't have seen you while you were in an environment where you were supported and could have had a member of the team with you throughout his visit.

If you are able to speak to the chair, make it clear that if the plan requires you to live outside of the marital home for any period of time you will not be able to do so unless the LA/SS provide accomodation and that you cannot engage with SS staff unless your MH team provides you with a support worker.

Where did you sleep last night and do you have a bed for tonight?

To rephrase part of my post (above), the so-called 'independent' chair of the conference which has been convened by Social Services will be a senior social worker from another team within the Department who should be be readily available to take your call.

If you are able to speak to him/her on the phone prior to the conference, say that:

1. at the present time you are not sufficiently well enough to attend and that to do so may jeopardise your mental health and impede your recovery

1. since your discharge from x unit/hospital on x date you have been waiting for a support plan to be put in place and your mental health is currently such that you are unable to engage with Childrens Services in any meaningful way and are unlikely to be able to do so until such time as you are in receipt of the promised support.

1. although Childrens Services is fully aware of your mental health issues, you have not been given sufficient notice to find or appoint an advocate to attend in your place and only became aware that you had the right to do so when you phoned the social worker yesterday/the date.

1. the social worker who compiled the report has at no time sought to speak with you prior to its completion nor has he sought your views on its content.

1. you have been given no information as to what possible steps may be taken by the department in order to safeguard your dc if, as is alleged, it is determined that you pose a risk to them

1. after receiving the report on the evening of Friday 29th May, you came to believe that it would be in the dc's best interests for you to remove yourself from the family home since when you have been living rough

1. if the general consensus of opinion is that your dc will benefit from you living outside of the family home, you have no alternative accomodation availabe to you and the LA will be required to provide housing for you

1. in view of the above you wish to invoke the conference complaints procedure however, at the present time, you have no address to which documents can be sent

1. say also that in order to be able to compose your thoughts sufficiently to convey the above you had to access an internet resource to enable you to do so and that if you appear to be more coherent than your pysch notes may indicate, it is because you are reading from your written notes.

Please know that this initial conference is not a one-off all or nothing chance for you to have your say and that neither your attendance or non-attendance is likely to affect the outcome.

Given that it is improbable that your wishes will be taken into account if it is thought they conflict with what is required to safeguard the dc, it is perfectly possible for the conference outcome to be conveyed to you and for you to comply with whatever plan has been decided on pending the next conference which will be held on or around 2 September - by which time you will, hopefully, have recovered sufficiently to attend and put your views across with the additonal benefit of being able to comment on your firsthand experience of whatever shortcomings or otherwise the plan may have for you and the dc.

It should be noted that the notion of you being required to stay away from the home for a period of time has come about through your own perception/belief that this is what will be decided but, as I see it, it is by no means certain that this will be the case.

It should be also be noted that it is not uncommon for Social Services departments throughout the UK to make decisions which do not stand the test of law and that many complaints within their own procedures are upheld.

In conclusion I was very pleased to see your latest update and know that, despite all of the odds being seemingly stacked against you, you're still hanging on in there.

You're a woman of rare grit, honey, and you CAN and you WILL get through this.

Thank you
Don't worry about point 9, I rarely appear as bad as I am. Even when sectioned I was reading the MH Act and the Code of Practice and giving the nurses hell for using the 1999 version when the 2015 one had just come into force!
Might be a point in my favour I guess ...

As I have every confidence that you'll be back in your own home today and sleeping in your own bed tonight, lovely girl, I have no hesitation in giving you these in advance

And more by way of appreciation for the support you've received from responders who are as outraged as I am at the way you've been treated by those who are charged with protecting the most vulnerable members of our society.

I am not without sympathy but I do wonder how your children must be coping with their mother suddenly disappearing for several nights. Have you been in touch with them? Do they know you're safe? It must be very upsetting and worrying for them. In this all the focus seems to be on the op but those kids must be going through hell.

Dh brought papers back from conference and I made the mistake of reading SW's updated report. He said some horrible things - how can it be allowed that he can fill the report with conjecture, assumption and opinion, twisting everything against me when he has never even met me? This person has the power of mine and my children's lives and yet there is no evidence at all in the report to back up his scandalous comments. How can people be given so much power and be allowed to abuse it so?
How can I trust any SW going forward? I am supposed to meet the long term SW next week but have no faith in them any more.
Sent me back to the despairing feelings of last week . What is the point of trying to do my best or indeed anything when everything is so stacked against me.

The SW is creating the report based on the information made available to him and using his professional judgement.

Does your husband agree with the report?

And please don't think everything is stacked against you. If you aren't living in the family home can you focus on getting yourself well?

I understand your frustration at the SW but he is looking out for the interests of the children. He really doesn't have anything against you at all.

Although a PP said you don't need to go to meetings I strongly believe it would benefit you to do so.

You say the SW has never met you and he is making claims against you that are not correct. Someone is providing him with this information and they are accountable for it, assuming it has came from a professional it could have came from your husband or sons.

Is if factually incorrect or do you disagree with his assessment of the risk and potential/actual harm?

I don't think it's too far out there to say that certain people are attracted to certain professions because they enjoy the idea of having power over peoples' lives. I have met bullies, we all have.
This SW certainly sounds like one of those people.

I don't see how encouraging the OP to demonise the social worker is supportive.

I can't see how making assumptions about the social worker's motivations and the veracity of the concerns in the report is helping the OP at all.

I can honestly say that of all the social workers I work with I don't know one who went in to it to have power or be a bully. Not one.