child protection conference

[djrmrcbhyvf]

Today the dcs and I have received invitations to a child protection conference. A social worker came once to see dh and the dcs, I was in hospital at the time so did not see him. He has not made any attempt to speak to me since. The conference is at the 6th form of the dcs school so they do not want to go. The leaflet says we need to let our views be known but views on what?
I know SS see me as the issue due to MH problems as they have checked with dh that he is home to look after them and not working away as he often does.
What input can the dcs have as none of us know what plan they want?
I suspect they want me out of the picture which would solve all their problems but I also know this is the last thing the dcs want. It would also leave them open to abuse from my mother as dh let's her take over and my issues stem from her narcissistic parenting.
Have also read some positive horror stories on here about heavy handed SW so very worried about what could happen

I've sent you a pm giving my mobile number, djrmrcbhyvf, and repeat that you can call me at ANY hour of the day or night.

During weekday working hours calls may go to voicemail and I may not be able to immediately reply to texts, but I can usually respond within 2 hours max.

You may believe there was 'zero need' Ehric, but you haven't read the report. The OP read it and thought otherwise and lecturing her is unlikely to change her mind.

Goddess
Of course there was no need. The conference hasn't even happened yet and a conference doesn't have the power to remove children so there was zero need to leave her house.

OR the alternative is that the OP's mental health is so unstable that she is a risk to her children and therefore should have left immediately.

Either option doesn't require demonising the social worker or the process. I'd be inclined to say that this overreaction indicates a disturbed thought pattern which is not rational and therefore the OP should go home where she is safe and seek appropriate support in the morning, or immediately if she feels that is necessary.

Your guardian angel fantasy of rescuing her and finding her a bed really isn't the right course of action. She has a safe home, she needs to return to it. Social services will not have expected her to leave her home without making adequate arrangements for a safe place to stay. There is no talk of care proceedings that we are aware of, so she needs to go home.

I am in utter shock that someone professing to be a social worker has said on this thread that the OP's child/ren must have said something to start proceedings. It is entirely the worst thing anyone could say and a social worker should know better than that.
OP please go home. Your children need you to be alive, well and fighting for them and that is the first step to achieving that.

Thisismyfirsttime if you read my other posts I apologised for that and explained the when the OP said that the children had been spoken to I thought she meant prior to the conference. I admitted my mistake and apologised.

And I am not 'professing' to be a social worker I am one.

Goddessofsmallthings I am reporting your post, it is highly offensive. In her original post the OP asked about the processes involved, I gave her the information she asked for. I have admitted that I misunderstood one of her posts and apologised for that. There is no need for a personal attack.

Today the dcs and I have received invitations to a child protection conference. A social worker came once to see dh and the dcs, I was in hospital at the time so did not see him. He has not made any attempt to speak to me since.

Have you read the OP Lavenderice?

Did you note this sentence The conference is at the 6th form of the dcs school so they do not want to go and would you care to hazard a guess as to why the dcs do not want to go?

I cannot comment on this case, I know nothing about it. I was simply outlining the processes involved.

Labenderice did nothing wrong! The SW has spoken to the children and the husband and has concerns. Op says the SW had already decided to put them on aCP plan before he spoke to them but that's impossible. The children's views and presentation would definitely have informed his assessment so lavenderice was completely correct to say that.
I have not made a sweeping assumption, I understand very well the child protection process and the OP did not need to leave her home based on the reading of the conference report. If she needs to leave the home for the chdrens safety then that still needs to happen in a planned way. No social worker would have advised her to leave with nowhere to go.

A social worker came once to see dh and the dcs

So the social worker spoke to the children and the father and has concerns arising from those conversations.

Social services have a duty to make sure children are safe and that all their needs are being met. Something gave them cause for concern and they are acting on that. So they should do.

Cooperate and take advice and they will help make life easier for you and your family. This is a temporary situation and you will get through it.
I just wish people would stop swing social workers as the enemy, this is certainly not the case at all.

The conference will involve a chair, the social worker, parents and teachers and anybody else who is closely involved in the children's lives. Nothing to worry about

For the record, Lavenderice, you claimed that Something your children must have said when they spoke to the Social Worker must have given them cause for concern and, in stating that the police will have been invited to the conference, may have caused the OP to fear that the dcs would be removed from their home or that she would be forcibly returned to hospital immediately thereafter.

As I have now said numerous times, I misunderstood the post where she said the children had been spoken to and I've apologised numerous times. I said that the police will have been invited because THEY WILL HAVE BEEN. They are invited to all Intial Child Protection Conferences. It's, as I've said , one of the processes that needs to be followed.

Something your children must have said when they spoke to the Social Worker must have given them cause for concern

It is likely that this is true. It may have been their behaviour or presentation rather than something they said.
The police will attend an initial child protection conference. That's fact. The OP wanted to understand the process. Whatever she may or may not have extrapolated from that is not lavender's fault.
Your anti - social worker agenda is misplaced here.

OP, you are poorly. It's not your fault but social workers are only there to help. When your stuck in that dark place where you're taking overdoses and talking about suicide then it isn't good for the children. When your running away from problems and sleeping on the streets you are putting yourself at risk. Attend that meeting, if it takes every ounce of strength you have then you need to drag yourself there.
Let them help you get better and keep your family together. Social services have more power to get you the help you need NOW rather than sitting as a statistic on the NHS waiting list. The help is there, you just need to accept it. They will back you up, I know everyone thinks social services are bad but they have absolutely nothing to gain, that social worker isn't getting a bonus by taking your case to child protection. They just want to help. Please trust me x

Op do you know you have the right to bring someone to the conference? Anyone you like who can support you

I got the report last night and it confirmed that just by me being ill I am causing significant emotional harm to the dcs. Apparently the CMHT have tried everything and nothing has helped. There is nothing in there about what will be in the CP plan.

It would seem apparent that having given the report to the OP, a mother recently discharged from a secure psychiatric unit, no member of Childrens Services nor, it would seem, from whatever mental health professionals are co-ordinating her seemingly non-existent care in the community, found it necessary to talk her through what she no doubt perceived as a judgement which rendered the oucome of the forthcoing CP conference a foregone conclusion.

Having read all that and about how things were better when I was in hospital I decided I had to leave home so I did.

If the report, and/or the erroneous insistence that the police will necessarily be attending this particular ICPC, led the OP to believe that either she or her dcs would be forcibly removed from their home after the conference, she may have concluded that it would be in their best interests if she removed herself voluntarily and, if this should be the case, she may also have believed that every further minute she spent under the same roof would cause them additional 'significant emotional harm'.

Such is my experience of childrens and mental health services that I'm not shocked by the lack of understanding and compassion shown to the OP on this thread by those who claim to work in one of the 'caring' professions, but I am despairing that no support has been made available to her and I suspect that she would have considerably less to 'worry' about if she was represented by a solicitor at the forthcoming conference - if you are reading OP, this can be arranged.

FWIW I don't have an anti-social worker agenda; my very best friend in all the world is one and I can only wish she was on this case as I have no doubt the OP would not have been failed be safely tucked up in her own bed tonight and every night for the foreseeable future.

I do not intend to return to this thread unless and until the OP does. In the meantime, I can only reiterate to her that she can call me at ANY time of the day and night.

And for the umpteenth time smallthings it is not erroneous that the police will have been invited, they will have been. They may chose not to attend.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers and Lavenderice Thank you so much for your efforts to bring empathic, yet dispassionate information on a thread ripe for misinformation and hair trigger anti social worker hysteria.

To some other posters, please actually take the time to read the contents of their posts rather than jumping to conclusions which would do the PP and others in the same boat no good at all.

OP I second the suggestion that you contact your CPN or CMHT contact for support for your current state of mind and if possible for the meeting. If no MH access to review you, please contact the GP.

OP, you say you are separated, where are the children now? When you said you slept rough, did you mean that you slept badly or outside?

OP please keep posting, if you find other posters distressing you can ask for them to be removed, this is your thread. I am rooting for you and hoping that you are ok.

I work in MH. It's not usual that a family is referred to social services 'just because Mum is ill'. Risk of emotional harm would be something like not letting the children go to school because Mum is too frightened to leave the house or children not wanting to leave Mum alone because she's said she's suicidal or self - harms in front of them.

I'm not saying any of those things are happening but they're an example of the kind of thing that would cause concern about risk of emotional harm as a consequence of the MH of a parent.

Most families with a parent with MH problems aren't referred to social services so please, anyone reading this who is struggling and needs help - don't think asking for help means social services will always have to be involved.

And my experience of working with social services when I was a CPN was that they were really helpful and did all they could to keep the family together and make sure everyone was well and happy. So OPs fears of the child protection conference are understandable but may be unfounded.

But if OP is sleeping rough and intending not to return home as the 'answer'; that suggests she is not thinking clearly nor able to keep herself safe. Her children will be confused and desperately worried. This WILL cause more concern about the family.

Go home OP. Speak to the MH crisis team today or your own MH team tomorrow. Get advice and support. Please.

Please re-read bronya's post at Sat 30-May-15 16:22:53
I firmly believe your children are better off with you than without you. I don't believe reports that state the children were doing better when you were in hospital and it upsets me to hear that something like that could have been written in a report.
Especially when your husband essentially seems to be relying on your mother when you're not there, so it's not as if he's just picking up the slack himself when you are ill.
This is a real bug bear of mine, husbands, grandmothers, everyone going about acting like they can do a better job of mothering than the actual mother. It's enough to drive actual mothers insane.