Men put me on a pedestal and then emotionally withdraw/disappear

[LePamplemousse]

So this is the pattern I've worked out, and it's a pattern that's happened in almost all my relationships:

1. Meet man, date man, man seems lovely, after a while sleep with man
2. Man treats me like a princess (not that I like that term)
3. After sleeping with man/developing relationship with him, he continues to constantly go on about how lovely I am/try to do things for. At some point, man flips from being totally into me to going cold/distant and withdrawing to the point where I break things off, or he does, or he cheats on me.

This doesn't happen immediately after first time sex, which I'd understand a bit more, but after we have developed the beginnings of a relationship.

As far as I know, I am not clingy/needy/scary or doing anything that should put someone off.
So what am I doing wrong?! Can someone help me figure it out.... Really fed up with my dating track record.

Mostly I'm marking my place but also I have found this thread quite helpful. What the op is describing is long drawn out but blow torching all the same. My relationships also follow this pattern. No, my OD relationships follow this pattern. Offline dating has never been like this. It's almost a eureka moment. But....I'm a mum now and like others od is really the only method available I have of meeting anyone so I am stuffed!

After reading all this (and he's just not that into you in the past) I feel like I should be completely ruthless and bin them off as soon as they pull any nonsense but it's hard because I am a little invested by then and I don't want to pass up something good for a cancelled date argh

Apeman - did you mean your post to come across as so offensive? You list an enormous number of negative traits, to someone who is feeling fragile (some of which, eg "snipey woman who puts men down", come across as frankly misogynistic), then put at the end a rather unconvincing disclaimer "of course I'm sure it's the first of these" and expect it to be taken as a positive contribution to the thread?

Why not simply say "either it's them being committmentphobes, or just possibly, there is something about you, but frankly it's more likely to be the first"?

Your post reminds me a bit of some profiles I've read on OLD which say something along the lines of "I love women, but no bunny boilers, gold diggers, emotionally needy women, women desperate for sperm donors...."

I always read those and think "Well at least he's told us what he really thinks of women - bullet dodged there."

Lurcio, no, I didn't transmit any offense in my message, it was light-hearted in its nature. I'm sorry you feel that way. My comment at the end wasn't an afterthought, by the way, if I thought it was in any way option 2, I would have been less jokey and more sensitive about it. I don't - the pattern suggests just the wrong men for some reason.

Also, the thing about snipey people, it's misarseholey not misogyny. Even though I was only half-serious, it's really a thing and it's about mean people, not women. There are characteristics that "reveal themselves over time" and have you running for the hills and I'm 100% sure that's not a woman-specific or imagined thing.

Also, commitmentphobic? I'm not sure if I am allowed to speak about this publicly, but in all the instances of friends claiming they are concerned about commitment in general, it has been a euphemism for something else they don't want to to say.

Lurc - I so agree about apeman post

I like your list Apeman, and agree it applies whether you are male or female.
Bitoffun- spot on !

Tbh I thought Apeman's post just made him sound like he has problems with women: insecure, chippy and not very funny.