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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Single, old, scared

73 replies

Feelinglowtide · 24/05/2015 19:22

I'm 28 next week and newly single.

I have a group of 6 close friends. They are all married, except one.

I'm terrified of ending up alone, and my mum is persuading me to buy a small house but it seems like such a failure/so sad because I never thought I would do that alone.

I'm terrified and feel I will never meet anyone. Why am I the only one not married yet? I feel like there is something wrong with me. Unlike many people, I much prefer being in a relationship, and having a family would mean a huge deal to me. I'm so scared I have missed my chance.

OP posts:
SwedishEdith · 24/05/2015 19:25

Old? Honestly, I was expecting you to say you were in your 60s at least.

WipsGlitter · 24/05/2015 19:26

Rubbish.

I didn't meet DP until I was 33. Doing stuff - holidays, buying a house etc - on my own made me a much stronger person.

meglet · 24/05/2015 19:27

buy the house! its not a failure doing it on your own
.

Ohbollocksandballs · 24/05/2015 19:28

You are NOT old.

My Grandma has got herself a boyfriend, she's 80 she met him at a funeral

Buying a house alone is a fantastic achievement of you are able to! I'd love to be able to do that.

ImperialBlether · 24/05/2015 19:31

Blimey, 28?! I thought it was going to be something in triple figures, there!

TONS of single people buy their own homes! It's lovely to be able to buy something you like and do it up in the way you'd like it. Later, when you meet someone, you could rent it out and buy somewhere else with them.

I don't think I knew many people who were married at 28 - do you need to widen your circle of friends?

Jackiebrambles · 24/05/2015 19:32

I say this with love op, but by Christ you are not old.

Definitely buy the house, it's a fantastic achievement!!

I met my (now) Dh at 33. Married at 35 and I'm expecting our second child now at 38. I had times feeling exactly the same way as you, so I do understand.

Go out and have as much fun as you can - everything you love, do lots of it. By doing that you will find someone.

ImperialBlether · 24/05/2015 19:32

Why don't you buy a house and get a couple of lodgers in? That would help pay the mortgage and give you someone single to go out with.

Thetruthshallmakeyefret · 24/05/2015 19:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

minkGrundy · 24/05/2015 19:36

Buy the house.
When you meet someone you can rent it out and get a place together.
Simples.

You are better placed to find a good rs as you will know what you are looking for.

Iflyaway · 24/05/2015 19:38

Absolutely buy the house!

It's good to be independent and not rely on a man to make your future fantastic.

Besides, you will have a great project to concentrate on and that makes someone attractive. Not waiting around for a man.

You will have some security for your future and can always sell it when you do find someone to share your life with.

For what it's worth, I got married at 35.

paxtecum · 24/05/2015 19:39

Dear god woman, you are NOT old.
I'm getting old at 63.

If you buy a house alone it is a massive achievement.
The word failure does not apply to you.

A lodger is a brilliant idea too - help paying towards the bills.

Doobydoo · 24/05/2015 19:40

Buy the house! Your friends will all be getting divorced when you are getting marriedGrin

TheoreticalOrder · 24/05/2015 19:44

I remember being newly single at 30 and thinking that was it, I'd never meet anyone.

Met DH at 33, married at 35, DC at 36 & 39.

You have bags of time. If I'd met DH any earlier, it just wouldn't have worked, we were different people.

Trust it will happen and enjoy yourself.

FatAli · 24/05/2015 19:47

You are not old!

I split up from a long term boyfriend when I was 23. We had bought a house together. One of my big regrets in life was that I didn't use my share of the money from the sale of it to buy my own place.

TheoreticalOrder · 24/05/2015 19:47

You must buy the house, btw, I had my own house when I met DH, but again I remember thinking it was almost a single forever threshold I was crossing when I bought it when I was single, which of course it total bollocks.

It meant that when we went for it, I had equity and so did he, so we could afford a better house.

RubbishMantra · 24/05/2015 19:49

I bought my house at your age OP. Met DH 10 years later. Sold it and we bought a house together.

goddessofsmallthings · 24/05/2015 19:52

Another one who thought from the title you'd be pushing 70!

Honey, comparatively speaking you are a babe in arms with it all before you. Grin

Listen your mum; buy a house and relish being able to live alone with no calls on your time and energy other than the demands of work - regard it as a rite of passage which will can only serve to increase your self-confidence and may provide you with financial security in the future.

Above all, don't let your preference for being in a relationship or fear of not being coupled up lead you to settle for less than a man who enhances your life on every level.

VixxFace · 24/05/2015 19:52

28 !

I've just realised from your op that I'm old at 29

CuttedUpPear · 24/05/2015 19:56

I wish I was you OP.
49 and newly single having brought 2 kids up singlehandedly, and just dumped by my DP of 7 years.

My friends that I envy the most are those who started investing in their houses young and even though some of them have to rent them out and live more cheaply elsewhere, they have some security for their old age.

28 is NO AGE.

RubbishMantra · 24/05/2015 19:58

"Above all, don't let your preference for being in a relationship or fear of not being coupled up lead you to settle for less than a man who enhances your life on every level."

^^ Absolutely this.

CommonplaceMagic · 24/05/2015 20:00

Dear god you are not old! And you are in a financial position to buy a home entirely on your own. What an achievement! You have plenty of time to find a nice man and have babies if that is what you want.

Twirlwirlywoo · 24/05/2015 20:06

Old?? How do you class people in their 40's?? Bloody ancient?

You have no idea do you? You have your whole life in front of you.

Yes in your 20's and 30's friendships dynamics change as your singly, going out mates settle down and some have babies. There is always adjustment no matter which side of the fence you are.

You are not on the shelf and you are not old. You have plenty of time yet.

HolgerDanske · 24/05/2015 20:09

Better to buy a house on your own, IMO.

Your life's hardly begun and you've got your best years ahead of you!

Flowers
Anotheronesoon · 24/05/2015 20:15

Oh my god- are you me six years ago?!?! Felt EXACTLY the same way as you when I became newly single a 27. A year later I met my husband and we now have two little boys. I cried so hard at wedding and their births because I genuinely thought I had missed the boat and am so grateful. What I'm trying to say is you really don't know what is around the corner- don't lose hope!!!!

DougalTheCheshireCat · 24/05/2015 20:18

Buy the house, and revel in having it exactly the way you want. When Mr right comes along sometimes you have to compromise on this stuff (says someone mid renovation) and that can be bloody hard work!

Oh, and 28 is very young. Got to be over 70 to even consider being old...

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