Single, old, scared

[Feelinglowtide]

I'm 28 next week and newly single.

I have a group of 6 close friends. They are all married, except one.

I'm terrified of ending up alone, and my mum is persuading me to buy a small house but it seems like such a failure/so sad because I never thought I would do that alone.

I'm terrified and feel I will never meet anyone. Why am I the only one not married yet? I feel like there is something wrong with me. Unlike many people, I much prefer being in a relationship, and having a family would mean a huge deal to me. I'm so scared I have missed my chance.

Lol. You're not old. Please, try to get some perspective.

As a decrepit old woman of 54 I can assure you that the best thing I did was start paying off a mortgage at 25. Now I am debt free I don't need to work full time, I have financial security and lots of time to enjoy the company of my DP who I met at 51. Stop panicking and start househunting!
But I agree with the PP who said don't bury yourself in the country. Go and live where other youngsters are, so you can have a social life without always having to travel. And have fun!

Oh dear. I was like you at 28, newly single, scared...and so very young! Met DH at 32, married at 35 and expecting my first child at 35. Please don't let your fear make you do what I did and stay in an unsuitable relationship for way longer than you should out of fear of being alone (am talking about ex obvs!). Have fun, gather many admirers and embrace and enjoy your wonderful youth!

Mrstwee I fully intend o giving my DD the same advice, it's maybe not what the experts would advise you tell your kids but it was certainly the best bit of parental words of wisdom I have ever heard

What's wrong with being on your own? There is far too much pressure to have to be part of a couple. Enjoy not being a .5. Do your own thing without having to consider someone else. Learn to not need anybody else and be complete on your own.

OMG, get a grip!! I'm 40, divorced three kids and single, loving life. I joined meet up in October and have never looked back. Life is for living x

If you're 28 and just come out of a long relationshp it's possible that you've never been an adult on your own.

If you learn to do this - to be a fully-functional human being without needing anyone else - it'll set you in good stead for having a healthy relationship when you do meet someone.

If you persist in thinking that you are incomplete without a partner then you are much more likely to end up back on the relationships board in a few months or years complaining that you've got involved with a user or a cocklodger or a narcissist or just someone a bit crap.

Please listen to your mum. She has the experience to know that life changes DAILY and that opportunities come and go every second. At 28, you haven't had enough time to realise that - you feel life is "set" now. But honestly, everything can change overnight.

Do buy a house. It'll be the making of you. And the foundation for a wealthy future! When you meet your future DH (which you will, sooner than you'd ever expect), he'll resoect you for standing on your own two feet. And you'll have the independence not to settle for anyone shit. :)

I panic-married a man when I was 29 because I thought I was all washed up. We had two kids and divorced 10 years later. Starting over as a single mother of two v young kids, aged 39, is not something I'd wish on anyone!

So please embrace your own life now. And ask yourself - would you have wanted to marry any of your friends' husbands? REALLY? I'm guessing not. So you see, there is far more to life than dragging someone up the aisle.

Feelingglowtide I had moved away from the country to London a few years before because ALL my friends had got married/ living together and my social life had taken a nose dive- dinner parties with all my married friends and no opportunities to meet anyone. So I bit the bullet and moved to London which I never thought I would do as it just didn't appeal! Met a guy and was with him for two years and thought we would get married. He dumped me. I was gutted. Parents offered to help me buy a house ( and I could put money they were going to give me for a wedding towards deposit ) I just felt so sad because I didn't want to do it alone- I had always imagined doing it with a bf or husband! I also started saving every month because I was adamant I still wanted kids so thought I should start saving so could afford to adopt! Basically started planning a life on my own as thought I had missed the boat. ( everyone told me I was crackers at the time as was only 28 but that's how I felt!) Still living in London. Decided to try dating on line. Then I met my husband at a wedding! The rest as they say, is history!

I think that I know more single 25 - 32 year olds than I do married ones. They are all still having fun. Including my 25 year old son and 27 year old daughter. Stop panicking.

Your family can still support you emotionally, without you living close by. Buy your own home, invite family and friends to visit, decorate it how you wish. Go out with friends but learn to do some things on your own be it shopping, an extreme sport, going to see a film. Which is more sad - to go out and about on your own sometimes or to stay in and bemoan the lack of a partner?

You can do things on your own - at this stage you just don't want to try. Early days. Beware of the rebound! Many women have first babies when much older than you, I did at 34, 36 and 42.

Let yourself heal before you take the plunge again. If you appear desperate, there are people around who will take advantage of you.

OMG try being 38 & single with no children like me! THEN you'd be right to be worried. But I have had serious health problems in my 30s that stopped me meeting a decent man. You will be very unlucky to have the same thing happen to you!

When I was 28 I was out enjoying life, having flings, living in my own flat & generally having fun.

I've bought my own house now (with cat) and I have to say that after years of flatsharing I find living alone to be amazing.

I agree with the poster who said you should try to befriend other single women to have fun/hobbies with. You are feeling this way because you are seeing your other friends settling down and you feel you should be doing the same.
Two of my best friends didn't meet their husbands until they were 35, they both had their first baby at 38 and are incredibly happy with a fantastic career behind them (and ahead of them) as well as amazing life stories. They are really inspiring strong women who didn't settle for less than they deserved.

Thank you for all the replies.

I want to buy the house but as previous posters have mentioned - if I buy in a small town rather than a city, am I stopping myself meeting people?

My friends in real life think I should move where I want and not think about meeting people prospects.

I also dislike city living and have done than since at uni.,. The idea of a small house with a garden is much more appealing, although the fear of committing myself to a single life is holding me back a bit :/

Feel so confused

OP people in towns and villages fall in love all the time. London does not have the monopoly on it.

Buying yourself a house won't stop you meeting new people.

Do what feels right for you just now. If living in a little place in the countryside is what you need right now, then do that. And if you have just come out of a relationship, I actually think it'd be good to have some distance so you're not tempted to fall into another relationship just for the sake of it.

Buy the house. Make it the way you want it. Cherish this time alone because one day, probably soon and long before you are actually old, you will look back on it as a time when you learned to be content on your own and find yourself. Don't waste it on regrets and fear. It's probably just a short interlude which is necessary for you to become the person you were meant to be. It's not the place you are "ending up"!

You are a baby! I didn't meet DH until I was 34, married at 36. I'm so glad I waited....

Buy the house! You will not be single for long, at 28 you really, REALLY, don't realise how much you have going for you! I had short-term and long-term partners, some of whom I lived with, but didn't get married until I was 42, and I STILL felt young! Honestly, please, you have so much time ahead of you ... please enjoy it and stop fretting.

OP, I moved out of a city (where I had lived for 12 years) at age 35 and bought my (second) flat in a village by the sea which was still commutable to the city. That was 7 years ago and I now live with my next-door neighbour in the village and we have a 2-year-old son! True!

Oooooh how lovely to get a house all to yourself - no compromise, no accommodating anyone else's crap, choose Everything to suit yourself .... Just do it. Independent women are cool and pretty darn attractive too!

I'm 41 and been single 5 years. A friend of mine is 38 and been single eight years. We may be old, fucking lonely at times and think we're going to be single forever but at least we own our own houses.