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Original poster

Single, old, scared

73 replies

Feelinglowtide · 24/05/2015 19:22

I'm 28 next week and newly single.

I have a group of 6 close friends. They are all married, except one.

I'm terrified of ending up alone, and my mum is persuading me to buy a small house but it seems like such a failure/so sad because I never thought I would do that alone.

I'm terrified and feel I will never meet anyone. Why am I the only one not married yet? I feel like there is something wrong with me. Unlike many people, I much prefer being in a relationship, and having a family would mean a huge deal to me. I'm so scared I have missed my chance.

OP posts:
Sunbeam18 · 24/05/2015 20:19

A woman who owns her own home is a failure?! When did feminism curl up and die? I can't think of anyone I know who hasn't bought their own property at some point. Why would this mean you are not going to meet a partner?

HootOnTheBeach · 24/05/2015 20:23

You need to see financial independence as a good thing rather than a failure and travel through life at your own pace. It's not good or healthy to compare yourself to other people, especially your friends.

Thenapoleonofcrime · 24/05/2015 20:29

I had to chuckle a little a bit when I read this, my mum met her partner in her 60's and my dad's mum another partner in her 70's so it really isn't over unless you want it to be.

For everyone saying, get out there and be single, I agree it's great to do that if you have other people to do it with and it sounds like your current group are very much for settling down early and being married/having children young. I actually think it will be depressing for you if they are the only source of your fun and going out, I once lived in a place like this where everyone settled down very young and I really felt out of place in my late twenties. I moved away to a big city where 28 is not remotely old and there were plenty of other people who also wanted to go out and meet people, make friends and do interesting activities.

Could you move somewhere else, or join activities that bring you into a different social circle, it doesn't mean losing your existing friends?

MadeMan · 24/05/2015 20:35

Definitely buy the house, at least if you end up alone you'll have the security of having your own place.

I doubt you'll be on your own forever though since you're ONLY 28 for gawds sake! Smile

Original poster
Feelinglowtide · 24/05/2015 20:57

Anotheronesoon - where did you meet your husband? I am worried as I work in a city but live in the country as want to be near ku family after the break up...

OP posts:
Skiptonlass · 24/05/2015 21:00

Buy your lovely little home. You're not tied to it forever! You're independent, that's not to be sniffed at.

And look at it this way - when you do meet someone, you'll be old enough to know exactly what you want and have a fully functioning bullshit radar. I am SO glad I didn't marry the man I was with at 28. I married the one I met out of the blue in my early/mid thirties. I'm still young, and I'm happy.

Some of my friends married very young. I'm not bashing that - several of them married amazing guys and are still going strong 20 years later. But equally, several of them have gone through acrimonious divorces and wondered why they ever married their partners. No one I know who married past thirty has done that - they're all a bit more worldly wise and take no shit.

28 is young. Enjoy your life and your freedom. Buy your home, revel in your independence. Don't marry the first man who comes along - be picky. :)

CarbeDiem · 24/05/2015 21:05

28 is young NOT old.

Buy your home, it will be yours and such an achievement.
The right person will come along when it's the right time.

Rebecca2014 · 24/05/2015 21:18

You are being very silly. Would you rather be in my situation? Married but now a single mum at the age of 25? I much rather be in your shoes...you are still young, enjoy your life! You have got many child bearing years ahead of you, so a lot of your friends have rushed down the aisle, so what?

Also make friends who are not settling down young. My sister is 28 and has lots of friends who are in the same boat as her.

Baconontomato · 24/05/2015 21:23

Omg! Buy the house! There is no greater joy than your own place done just as you like it.

EmGee · 24/05/2015 21:34

At 28 I was single, living abroad and having a total blast. Fast forward a few years and most of my friends were coupled up so I did feel a bit like you do now. You've just got to try and make the most of being single, independent and get on with life - I remember reading an article someone sent me about how you've got to embrace being single and find happiness in it, before you can ever hope to be happy in love.

I didn't meet my DH until I was 35. From early thirties until that moment, I got involved in lots of things, had a good job, bought a house (on my own), did internet dating/speed dating etc. Then I met DH and within a year we were married. It can happen fast! But I think it was good that I was in the position I was in when I met him - I was an independent, solvent and well-rounded woman, with an interesting and varied life, did lots of travelling etc. It meant I had embraced being single and was getting on with life and making the absolute best of it. Am sure it made me a more attractive person too.

Best of luck. And buy that house and enjoy it!

Trills · 24/05/2015 21:41

If the house you are considering buying is "in the country", near your family and far away from your work, DO NOT BUY IT.

Trills · 24/05/2015 21:43

Going to be near your family because you are feeling sad is a natural first reaction to splitting up, but in the long term you'll have a more fun life and a better chance of meeting someone if you live in the city, near your work, so you can easily go out to the pub or to activities and meet people. Maybe with some flatmates who also have friends, so you can meet more people.

Glittery7 · 24/05/2015 21:52

26 is not old. Are you are are 1950's throw back? Cop on to yourself and stop the diva-esk ridiculous wailing.

JeanSeberg · 24/05/2015 21:57

Ridiculous attention-seeking behaviour. What is it with this place at the moment and all this bollocks threads?

mrstweefromtweesville · 24/05/2015 22:09

28 isn't old.

Single is way better than being in a damaging relationship.

Everybody with more than half an ounce of intelligence is scared - life is scary. There are strategies for dealing with this.

Having a house won't make you unattractive to men - quite the opposite. Beware cocklodgers.

To heck with 'finding someone'. Focus instead on being a happy, interesting person. What do you like/enjoy/want to achieve? Write one of those flipping bucket lists people used to do, and get started.

You aren't the 'nobody' the world forgot. You're the winner. Enjoy it!

antimatter · 24/05/2015 22:14

You could fall for someone who doesn't want to get married!
What then?
Life may not be what you planned. Enjoy what you achieved and not what you didn't.

Cabrinha · 24/05/2015 22:14

Why on earth wouldn't you buy a house on your own?

But actually, you must KNOW you're being ridiculous calling yourself old at 28. Borderline offensively so.

SommerenAldrigKommer · 24/05/2015 22:18

oh dear! i'm 45 and I clicked on this expecting you to be older than I am.

I'm single and I'm happier on my own than I've ever managed to be with a bf. haven't given up, but not expecting it to happen either.

I remember being single used to feel like a problem to be fixed before I had children though. After I got rid of my x, I felt like singlehood (?) was something to relax in to. LIke stretchy trousers. So it is different I know.

SommerenAldrigKommer · 24/05/2015 22:18

yes, dO do do buy a house! go for it.

Kewcumber · 24/05/2015 22:21

I'm 50, I'm single, I own my house, I have a 9 year old.

Very happy - whats not to like (except lack of money but to be fiar that was bad luck rather than planning!)

Hollii · 24/05/2015 22:23

Wow. 28 is so young. You have your whole life in front of you. Smile

Leviticus · 24/05/2015 22:25

Old at 28???

Whaaaat?

springydaffs · 24/05/2015 22:26

Ffs! Bit pissed off at you calling yourself old at 28. Don't be ridiculous. What on earth do you think of women in their 40s in your position?

I get that you're feeling low about the end of your relationship but, please, don't catastrophise. Its ridiculous to believe you're past it in your 20s.

Broaden your circle of friends - you don't need wall-to-wall marrieds around you, find some cool single friends and have a blast.

Yy you like being in a relationship - most do btw - but you aren't in a relationship, so make the most of what you have: your YOUTH.

Don't waste your life pining for what you currently don't have, op. That is just mad.

Sistedtwister · 24/05/2015 22:29

My mum always told me to get a good job buy a nice house and have a few men friends to stay for breakfast every now and again.

Having split up with my dick head partner of 10 years when I was 26 I decided she may have a point.

I'm 45 now with a great DH and 7 year old DC. It was as struggle sometimes financially but overall I had an absolute ball during my late 20's early 30's and was in the right place emotionally when I met DH and had DC. We're also almost mortgage free.

Buy your house, enjoy yourself, there really is no rush

mrstweefromtweesville · 24/05/2015 22:42

My mum always told me to get a good job buy a nice house and have a few men friends to stay for breakfast every now and again
Perfect. That's the way to do it.

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