please give me some hope/reassurance

[imskintandheismint]

I will try to keep this as short as possible. My bank balance is currently sitting at 110pounds overdrawn, tomorrow I am due to pay childcare fees, I will need to put petrol in the car to get to work, and entertain DS this weekend as it is my (one and only) weekend with him in the month. Other than milk I have enough food for meals to get through the next few days until I get working tax credits on Monday, but by which point I will be right back to square one...overdrawn. And so the cycle will continue

Exp has taken it upon himself to stop paying child maintenance, which is why things are so tight. He stopped paying around christmas, as I didn't agree to what he wanted and this is his way of controlling me. It always has been. I contacted CMS, they tracked him, made a calculation of 450pounds per month, but before the first payment was due he had already quit his job to ensure I didn't receive it (he had always warned me if i went to CMS he would do this, but had no other option as he wasn't paying anyway)

He is now claiming he is starting a business. Which has never been mentioned before in all the time I have known him but knowing him like I do, the sole motivation for becoming self employed is to avoid paying much/anything through CMS.

But my problem is this...if he was genuinely hard up financially, fine. Aren't we all. I'd accept that and make the most of what I have and focus on the positives. But this is a man of considerable wealth

On top of the very well paid job he had, he buys flats, renovates them himself, and then sells them on at a substantial profit. He has other flats which he owns and rents out. They are however undeclared to HMRC. HMO flats which he claims are non profit, and advertises on gumtree so can get away with saying he is not a landlord. (I have reported him numerous times since december, they have yet to catch up with him). And at court a few weeks ago, he stated that he wanted to take DS away on a skiing trip abroad at easter, for a 3 week holiday to spain in summer, then to disneyland florida in October. He wants DS to go to a fee paying school, yet also claims he is unable to pay child maintenance as he is no longer working

But I have no proof of this, other than the 3 flats which came up on a land registry search (which leads me to believe he has recently sold or transferred names on deeds of the other properties I know of)

Can he really get away with this forever? From what I have read on here, CMS are generally pretty useless. I was told on the phone that they can only go by what HMRC have on him, which is nothing, and may well be nothing for a while yet. I feel sick to my stomach knowing that he is doing this to DS. he is aware of my financial situation and could not care less. How dare he do this to DS

I can just about pay the bills, I get all the help I am entitled to, help with rent etc but my disposable income is zero, so after food petrol etc and all bills I have nothing. Exp wants this, he is narcissistic without a doubt, and sees this as a compitition, he wants to be the favourite parent who has all the cool stuff, all the latest gadgets, all the best holidays and for DS to then come back to me and have nothing. He is thoroughly enjoying this.

Is there ANYONE out there who has experienced similar but has managed to get child maintenance? When it come round to birthdays, christmas etc I'm snookered, it's not fair on DS

I have sent the additional income form with proof of the properties i found from the land registry search, and will do a further search to see who now owns the other properties, but he will fight tooth and nail to make sure I get nothing from him. Is there an appeals process for when it comes back as another nill assessment and will they really fight this cause? the last few days I have been sick with worry about what the future holds, it's looking fairly grim

I should also add, we are due to go to mediation, he wants to discuss cm there, but he wants it to be done based on my outgoings, he has asked to see all my bills, childcare etc and thinks it should go down next year when DS starts school as I'll no longer be paying childcare. I could scream

sorry I work in the fitness industry, some hours in a gym which is not quite rural but rural enough for buses not to go there til 9am which would make me two hrs late for work, then other work, mostly teaching classes but the schedule is so tight and the classes I teach are high risk (fitness for stroke sufferers etc) so relying on public transport may mean being late which is not an option either and I can have one class in a certain area then need to be 10miles away for the next class with only enough time to travel there. some other office based stuff too which I could afford to get to by public transport but for me it is more of a necessity

although know plenty of people who do not or cannot drive due to money restrictions

actually I would be a twenty minute walk to the childminders house also (or ten min cycle) at crazy o'clock in the morning. could probably cope in the summer but wouldn't want that for DS in the winter

it is a necessary evil for me

Make sure you let us know your credentials of your extensive experience in this industry, along with your encyclopaedic knowledge of every rural area in the UK and it's full public transport provision

a car is a luxury way out of reach of the wildest dreams of many of us. Choosing to live somewhere where you don't have public transport is a luxury way out of reach of the widest dreams of some of us. Having the option to apply for a job for which you need a car is a luxury way out of reach of the wildest dreams of some of us.

There is absolutly no way ever we could ever even begin to consider that we might one day afford it.

I don't consider myself poor. Obviously in the poorest 25%, if 75% of households can afford a car, but that doesn't make me poor, I am perfectly well off, just because I can't afford the luxury of a car does not make e poor. According to govt measures, we were well below the breadline for the first 12 years of DS1s life, but the bread line in the UK is actually so high, that you actually get people trying to claim that a car is something normal to have, rather than the height of luxury that it is

if the OP has a car, she is not struggling financially.

actually I would be a twenty minute walk to the childminders house also (or ten min cycle) at crazy o'clock in the morning. could probably cope in the summer but wouldn't want that for DS in the winter

Again, why wouldn't you want this for DS? i would be highly alarmed for the mental and physical health of my DC if they didn't walk any further than this in a day!

Chairs, stop derailing op's thread with you're car obsession!
Start your own thread if you want a row.
You've obviously never lived anywhere rural.

I am not derailing, the op has asked for input, my input is that she clearly has a high standard of living without anything from the child's father, why waste your life engaged in aggression and bitterness for something you don't need, let it go, and enjoy your lovely family and make a good family life.

You've obviously never lived anywhere rural.

yes, I have, but I had to move, because I wasn't rich enough to stay. That doesn't make me poor, not being able to afford unnecessary luxury does not make you poor.

The Op has a high standard of living, if she can afford to choose these options.

And it is beyond bonkers to consider a 20 minute walk to the child minders too far for a child!

That really really is spoilt beyond imagining. And not healthy either, I wouldn't choose that.

What's up Charis, has your boiler gone on the blink again?

Op has stated her reason for needing her car for her job.
I do not drive, where I live (rural) there have been lots of jobs I can't apply for as having a car is a requirement (social care).
To get to work I have to rely on lifts from other staff and taxis. There is no public transport.

my DS gets minimum 8hrs of active play a day, both indoors and out. I'm a fitness instructor and very active in my life anyway by nature, no need to be alarmed at DS physical or mental well-being there is no option of public transport at that time, I have had this job for a while, exp has shat all over me and unfortunately cannot all of a sudden sell up the car and find a new job (would still have the monthly payments anyway)

fine, but you are still living in luxury, you can hardly complain about needing money, you don't!

Charis I don't have a car either, but some people DO NEED cars. This thread is not about you, nor is it solely about OP's car. Surely you can see that you are browbeating her to try to "prove" your point that just because we don't all live on a landfill in the Third World we are "well off."

Cars are a luxury, anyone complaining the are hard up and yet driving round in a car is not only incredibly spoilt, but very deluded.

How can I even when I even can't even. Charis that flashing red light on your brain dashboard means your empathy chip needs service.

Yes op. This is about your abusive, controlling dickhead ex p and the fact he is shirking his financial responsibility.

What an awful man!
Just wondering if it goes to mediation, could you request a lump sum ( or maybe one of the properties) to be transferred in lieu of child support?
Hopefully someone who knows about the legalities in this scenario might be abler to confirm whether this would be a possibility?

Oh Charis, you are making yourself look like a right knob.

OP, contact HMRC and advise them your ex has undisclosed taxable rental income - they can be shit hot on this.

The fuckers shouldn't get away with this, it makes my blood boil. It's the lowest of the low not to support your children.

something

Charis, I have a car as I am disabled and cannot walk. I assure you I am very far from rich.

Does the fact I have a car in these circumstances automatically mean I am living a life of spoilt decadent luxury?! I think not.

skint* don't fall into the trap of feeling you need to defend yourself on here when you haven't done anything wrong. It's not unreasonable to wish your ex would pay child support and it's not unreasonable to feel angry that he doesn't.

I'm not sure that mediation would be such a good idea though as it sounds like he's abusive and it isn't generally recommended in such cases.

Dammit!

Tosser.

Op, you spoilt, deluded, unhealthy, rich fool - stop moaning and just move you and your DC into your luxury car!

if I compare myself to other people in other countries around the world (which I do often actually) then yes I am living a life of luxury. I suppose we all are, we have fresh safe clean running water on tap, etc etc etc. so I see where you're coming from

But not being able to replace basics like seriously old and somewhat broken pots and pans, wondering and worrying about when DS will take another growth spurt as it means I will need to go out and replace those which are too small for him but don't actually have the funds available, (he is currently still in 2-3yo clothes having just turned 4 but he's not particularly big so can get away with it for now)

being seriously stretched for food budget and meal planning, etc. I certainly don't fell like I'm living a life of luxury

all the while exp pays 50quid a week for private ski lessons for DS (don't get me wrong, this is fantastic news for DS!) plus other activities, eats out most nights and all weekend as he can afford to, plans to take DS on three verrrrry expensive holidays within the space of 12months

luckily there are some job opportunities coming up very soon within the company and I am quietly confident I'll be able to grab them, but it's enough to mean I no longer require tax credits etc, I will be no better off and have no more disposable income, it will simply cover what tax credits cover now. which is great, and hopefully from there I can continue to move up and land better paid jobs in the industry but until then....ain't no luxury here!

Haha some of these posts are making me laugh

dolphinia yes!! this is what I'm talking about I had vaguely heard something about that but no idea of how it actually works...But I'm sure someone will