DH discussing our (lack of) sex life with his parents

[reallywhatnext]

I have just found out that he has been discussing our sex life with his parents and I am weirded out. They are coming to dinner tomorrow and not sure how to react

Is this odd to you?

That's nothing on my family. My grandad talked to my brother about his sex life. My brother was VERY traumatised.

My DD has had lots of disastrous relationships and confides all sorts to me, usually after a few drinks.

I would never have told my DM anything, DH the same.

Does he not have friends to talk to?

Talk, maybe, to a close family member. But emails?

I talk to my Mum about everything. Even sex drives, what my GP has said about it, everything.
Staggered that you all think it's so odd.

Or is it because men don't normally talk about these things?

Hmm, several issues here.

You have a 10 month old so you are knackered so of course you aren't going to be having much sex.

You are not getting on very well, probably because of the 10 month old, being knackered, adjusting to being parents, possibly him being whiney and hard work so of course you aren't going to be having much sex.

He doesn't seem to know/understand either of the above.

He is discussing this with anyone other than you.

The last of these is not your only problem. Time for a full and frank talk about all of this?

Oh God, that's bloody awful

Whoah! I'd be livid if DH discussed our sex life with ILs! It's really disrespectful.

We talk to my mil and sil's about our sex life, and they talk to us. No huge details, just general discussion. Dh also discusses our health with them and also he discusses our sex life with some close friends. We're quite open and very close to his family, in fact my mil might be attending the birth of our baby this year and mil was the one who helped calm me down when I had my show (I had no idea what it was and panicked)

I would be very, very annoyed about this and see it as a betrayal almost as bad as an emotional affair.
IMO there should be boundaries between the generations. I would never have discussed my sex life with my parents or adult children. I would not expect my children to discuss their sex lives with me-except in the very vaguest terms if they were very upset.
It used to be called a PRIVATE life.

You shouldn't be reading his emails. I think it's one all.

He is setting up a scenario where he justifies an affair with his family. I think there is someone waiting in the wings.

Sorry OP.

Yes-there seem to be week boundaries all round and no concept of other people's privacy.

I disagree. I think privacy is one of the reasons so many disfunctional relationships happen. We need to talk inter generationally about these things. If we stopped being so bloody tight lipped and previous about sex, maybe the next generation might not be as fucked up as many of the current generation when it comes to sex and relationships.

Precious, not previous.

Did you just describe your baby as "his idea not mine"? :(
Sounds like there are other issues in your lives that are causing these problems, but I agree he shouldn't be emailing his mum about it

Has he discussed this issue with you properly? Does he have anyone else to talk to about sex/relationship issues?

what haggis said :)

Kind of think any horror you have of having your private affairs discussed is as bad as snooping on emails. I'd be devastated if my DH did either of those things.

I'm not massively horrified about discussing with his parents - but I am very concerned about the general picture you've painted. I'm sorry, you must feel quite lonely in your marriage :( If you have your own heart-to-heart with his parents, what are the chances they'll give him some constructive advice?

so, you are the one reading dh's emails, posting about your relationship on a public internet forum including about the baby you didn't want, and he is the one in the wrong for confiding in his family - people he trusts?

If a woman posted on here that her dh:

Refused to have sex with her; snooped through her emails, and described their baby as "her idea not his," and that she had discussed her relationship issues with her parents, who do you think would be judged as being the one in the wrong?

I can't believe that there are actually people on this thread who compare discussing your relationship issues with your parents as akin to an emotional affair!

Op if there are issues in your relationship then perhaps you need to sit down and discuss them if your dh confiding in someone else bothers you that much.

It's an interesting set of points, Wannabe, but I think it's not exactly the situation you are putting forward: the OP has said that they share passwords (so aren't precious about privacy between themselves), and that it was incidental that she saw this particular conversation.

I agree that it's worrying that the OP is hinting at having been pressured into a pregnancy, but I read it as her saying that she's unhappy that her DP is now complaining about the entirely foreseeable consequence of a less active sex life, and she's finding that unfair, rather than she doesn't love her baby.

I think also that it's important to maintain the ethical distinction between speaking anonymously in general terms on an Internet forum, and putting your partner in an awkward real life situation with their extended family by talking specifically about them in an identifiable way.

So although I found your post thought-provoking, I don't think you are being at all fair.

I agree with wannaBe.

Although I will add that my partner and her sister both mention their sex lives to their mum, there's no gory details obviously but I don't think that it's as unusual as some people are making out.