Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Can I win him back?

72 replies

lonelymillie · 19/05/2015 11:49

Following on from my previous thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2379477-how-do-I-boost-my-self-esteem-fed-up i know this is going against the grain of everything, but i am hurting so much and i cannot bear to be without him.

He only mentioned leaving her for me about 5 weeks ago. Now he is saying its for the best we end it and that i will never know how much this has upset him, and he will never get over it. he has every chance to have me, i dont understand :( i went without texting him, it was him who got back in touch to see if i was ok..he asked if i planned on never talking to him again and i said i was worried i'd text and he wouldnt reply. i texted him this morning saying i missed him and cannot stop thinking about him and he replied saying it wont last forever.

i know i should stop contact. but i miss him soooo much, i cant eat, i cant stop crying, he is all i can think about and all i want is for him to take me back.

has anyone ever been in this position and did it work out eventually? i know he has feelings for me but i dont understand why this cant happen. im devastated. i am also selfish i know.

OP posts:

flora717 · 19/05/2015 11:58

Am I right in thinking you didn't contact him then he contacted you and continued to until he got from you how upset you are .... he's now closed down again.

He perhaps wants to think that he's worth being upset over. But he's not. He's a liar and a cheat. His feelings are for himself, an ego boost that "he's somehow irresistible ". You deserve better.
Look after yourself.

BifsWif · 19/05/2015 11:58

Sweetheart, you are single. You are available. If he wanted to be with you, he could be. He has made his choice but he is keeping you dangling in the background.

He doesn't not want to be with you enough to leave his girlfriend. I'm sorry that sounds harsh, but it's the truth.

The only way to get through this is no contact. At all. Have you considered counselling for your self esteem issues?

Original poster

lonelymillie · 19/05/2015 12:02

flora he knew how upset i were all along, although i think he did expect me to text him and when i didnt he must have been shocked. he said he thought i might have had more to say. i have said everything i can and he knows how much i love him, to which he said we both know how much we love each other :(

bifswif i have never considered counselling, i wouldnt know where to start

OP posts:

arsenaltilidie · 19/05/2015 12:02

You are only 25 and you are wasting your best years on this man.

You sound bored, get control of your life and have a hobby.

Not wanting to be rude but to him you are just for sex. He contacts you when he wants sex from a different person. He gives you tid bits just to keep you around.

Original poster

lonelymillie · 19/05/2015 12:03

arsenaltilidie but thats the thing, it really isn't just about sex. we spoke every single day, all day, i cant remember the last day i went without speaking to him before this weekend :(

OP posts:

TarkaTheOtter · 19/05/2015 12:05

Swap what arsenal said about sex for attention then.

morethanpotatoprints · 19/05/2015 12:06

I agree with flora, my love.
I know it is hard and feel for you.
However, you are young and worth so much than this man. he is a cheat and he is playing you when you are vulnerable.
I know if you block his number things will improve immediately, but there is only you who can do this.
I'm sure your self esteem will improve a good 25%/ 50% if you delete his contact.

arsenaltilidie · 19/05/2015 12:06

What do you honestly think are the reasons for staying with his GF?

Original poster

lonelymillie · 19/05/2015 12:10

arsenaltilidie his girlfriend is his sisters best friend, they have a lot of mutual friends and i think he is scared of what people will think.

morethan i just feel like i will never meet anybody else like him, personality wise we are a perfect match. i am so so heartbroken.

i replied to him saying i arent coping well and he said there is nothing he can do about it. theres nothing i can do to change his mind is there? im such a muppet but i cant help crying.

OP posts:

arsenaltilidie · 19/05/2015 12:13

He can't dump the GF and wait for a few months and then say I've got a new GF (you)?

Original poster

lonelymillie · 19/05/2015 12:19

arsenal people would know. she caught hint of it a few times in the early stages, it would be obvious and i think he cannot handle this from his family. saying this, about 5 weeks' ago he said he thought about leaving her for me every single day. but i guess actions speak louder than words and he never did. i just can't get over him, i feel like this is it.

OP posts:

SevenAteNine · 19/05/2015 12:20

Life is too short to chase after someone who doesn't have your best interests at heart.

BifsWif · 19/05/2015 12:22

Go to your doctors, be honest with them and ask to be referred.

Please block his number, don't drag this out any longer than necessary.

hoobygalooby · 19/05/2015 12:29

He won't leave her. If he was going to he would have done so by now.
Even if he did leave her, could you ever trust him knowing his track record. You would always wonder if he's cheating on you and planning his escape.
He is messing with your head and you need to cut him out of your life and move on.
You deserve better than this.

arsenaltilidie · 19/05/2015 12:30

The excuse to use..Lose the love if his life because people might suspect there might have been an overlap.

Spell99 · 19/05/2015 12:33

Its possible that he enjoys the feeling of you being madly in love with him. It pumps his ego. He wasn't expecting you to be able to give him up so easily so he's chasing the attention he craves.

"Please talk to me, tell me how wonderful I am... were finished."

Remember he isn't perfect, he is a liar and a cheat. There re loads of men your age probably having similar thoughts to you (without girlfriends), you can literately shop for them online.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 19/05/2015 12:36

i went without texting him, it was him who got back in touch to see if i was ok... he asked if i planned on never talking to him again

You took it for concern but he showed by that question he missed the attention you give him - to me that says it all.

He has managed to juggle his gf and you for years it is a shame that you are waiting and hoping for crumbs he throws your way.

NerrSnerr · 19/05/2015 12:40

And what if he dumped his girlfriend and got with you, how could you trust that he wouldn't start fucking someone else behind your back? For all you know he could have been fucking around with more people anyway, he's not exactly trustworthy.

I know it feels shit now, but you don't want a man who you know is a liar and a cheat. I remember having my heart broken when I was younger, it feels like the end of the world but you will get over it and in time you'll realise just how much of an arsehole this man is.

BitOutOfPractice · 19/05/2015 12:50

The brutal truth is that he loves the idea of you pining for him. But he doesn't want to be with you.

I'm so sorry you are hurting so much but it will get better and your life is most definitely not over

Original poster

lonelymillie · 19/05/2015 12:53

and what if i never meet anybody else? i know i dont need a relationship to be happy, but i genuinely worry. ive been messed around two or three times now by different people. i don't know what i do wrong.

he doesn't understand how i feel, he simply said he doesn't know what to say. he said he cant turn feelings off overnight but you just have to get on with it.

we have mutual friends, he lives 10mins away from me, i will see him out and about. i have deleted facebook but i will still see him around :(

OP posts:

Vivacia · 19/05/2015 12:57

OP do you have a job? Do you have children?

Original poster

lonelymillie · 19/05/2015 12:58

vivacia i work full time, no i dont have children x

OP posts:

Quitelikely · 19/05/2015 12:59

What you don't understand is that this man won't dump his GF because he knows he doesn't have to do that to see you.

He knows that you had a relationship with him when he was also with someone else.

He knows that is how far you will go to have him.

The closest you will get to this man wanting you is by demonstrating some self respect. You can do this by totally ignoring him and resisting the urge to tell him how much you miss him.

You cannot see it but you are quite lucky, you have escaped him but his poor GF has no idea what a cheating waste of space he is.

Vivacia · 19/05/2015 13:01

i don't know what i do wrong.

Could it be that you're too needy?

he doesn't understand how i feel, he simply said he doesn't know what to say.

He does understand, he just doesn't care.

Original poster

lonelymillie · 19/05/2015 13:04

vivacia i purposely make sure that i'm not! i always make sure i don't come accross as clingy or anything like that. i probably look that way to him now, but after 4 years i cannot help telling him how much i feel for him and miss him.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3