I have been with my partner for five years, we have a 15month DS.
Our relationship has been always up and down, let's say passionate and rich in difference of opinions. My partner is most of the time supportive and loving, I find him attractive and interesting but he does have an occasional problem with controlling his anger.
On Friday he was looking after DS while I was at work. That was the first time he looked after him in months because DP was busy working on an important project, so I took care of the baby and the house, and the meals (with help from his mum two days a week to be fair) on top of my PT work. He would come late, after we were sleep and leave after breakfast. I was exhausted by the end of it and so was he. On Friday I came home and found that the baby didn't have his nap at his usual time because he was taken on an errand that DP had to do (he was asleep in the afternoon which meant that it would take me much much longer to settle him in the evening) and I told off the DP, telling him that he needs to put the baby first. There was a bit of resentment in my voice because the DP has just been sleeping and emailing since the project finished, I honestly didn't have much help from him, or an acknowledgement of how hard I worked to support him. He yawned, I repeated what I said. He lost it then, just in a second, grabbed the sleeping baby, stated to shout, left the room, I went after him and he pressed me against the wall and yelled and yelled in my face (while still holding the stunned DS).
This is not the first time this happened, but has been more than six months and we had counselling in the past. I thought we're past it and were solid together. He never apologised unreservedly when it happened before. He always qualified it with "what did you think would happen when you talk to me like that", and while it's awful that he did that I need to take responsibility for my behaviour. I find it hard to say it's my fault. I have been guilty in the past of escalating arguments but this time I can put my hand on my heart and say that it was him that lost it. Besides, I don't think there's ever justification for agression and physically threatening behaviour.
We tried to talk about it the next day but we had another argument. He won't take responsibility for himself.
It's been quiet in the house since, but I feel that a line has been crossed with him shouting at me like that while holding the baby, and while I don't think my life will be easier or happier without him I don't think I can live pretending this never happened and I don't want my son to grow up with scenes like this.
I'm going to suggest counselling again but I'm so scared if he doesn't take responsibility I will have to leave. I really don't want to do that.