Now he says he wants me and will change

[Reallywhynow]

My ex / current boyfriend is 14 years older than me. I'm in my twenties.

When we first met it was pretty much love at first sight but due to various issues, maybe with age or difference perspectives we broke up after 7 months. We then got back together but then 3 months later he broke up with me.

Two months or so after that we got back together but we were apparently 'seeing' he asked me to live with him (because I needed somewhere to stay as my tenancy had expired) but we were not technically in a relationship. During the time we lived together we pretty much behaved like a couple and I tried to do my best as I wanted us to get back together. I eventually moved out as I found a new tenancy (this was always the agreement but deep down I'd hoped he'd ask me to stay). When I moved out we continued to see each other but he wouldn't commit, in fact at times, considering we have quite a few mutual friends, on social occasions he would sometimes speak to me as if he didn't know me or be very flippant with me. As if we had ever been together! He would take me out for dinner, and I'd be thinking 'oh great, this means he loves me' and he would be happy to have sex and compliment me but not get back together properly.

His attitude eventually wore me down and made me heartbroken so I went NC. Ignored his calls and even discovered that he'd then started dating someone else.
He kept calling so I eventually answered his phone calls and we met up (now another 3 months on). He told me that is very sorry and has broken up with the woman he was seeing and now wants us to get engaged and have a baby in a year or so. Would you go back?

This man may be attracted to you but he doesn't love you!!
He wants to be with you when it suits him but he won't go 'all the way' and fully commit to you!! Throughout the entire relationship he has disappointed you on numerous levels! He has kept you on the sidelines whilst he continued to search for other options . Sometimes it's hard to see from the inside out I know, but you will never be his number 1, you would be on that pedestal now if he'd had any intention of ever putting you on one.
Real love leaves you with your self respect, and respect for your partner fully intact IMO,
If you waiver in your decision remember how he made you feel at the very lowest point of your time together

No way.

And I know you're broken hearted now, but time heals things like this and in a year or two you'll be with someone lovely and you'll have a happy life with them. This is the upside of being your age - so many people are single so in time you will meet someone really good for you.

If you stay with him, you will be denying yourself that life you could have had.

Think: if you had a daughter your age that you loved beyond measure and had hopes and dreams for their happiness and good friendships, what would you want her to do now? What do you think would be the healthiest choice for her, that will lead to the most happiness and self-respect?

So so so no xx

Oh god no. Never ever put up with any man who makes you feel bad about yourself. Imagine how awful it will be with a tiny baby, and that person criticising you for not having the same body as you used to.

Find someone who makes you feel amazing. Not someone who treats you as second prize.

A wise person once told me to judge people by their actions and not by their words. His actions are awful. He can promise he'll change til he's blue in the face, but why should he? You'll put up with all his crap and beg him for more.

You've gone NC before, you can do it again. Don't be the fallback option for this loser. Go and find someone nice :)

Thank you all so much! I'm actually in tears because I wish I had the strength and ability that you all seem to have!
I wouldn't want my DD (should I ever have one) to come across a man such as him, neither would I want any Ds of mine to treat anyone (let alone someone he claimed to love) like this. And considering I didn't think anyone would like to read the whole story and therefore wrote the 'lite' version and you've all told me to walk away speaks volumes. I just can't firstly understand why he would have done that to begin with and now why he's promising to change so much, he's basically offering me the moon on a stick.

it's all fantasy, love

actions not words is all you need to consider

if you already know he would be a shit role model for future children and any relationship you have would be a poor example then why consider getting back with him

come on, use your brain, it sounds like you have a good one so bloody listen to it

He told me that is very sorry and has broken up with the woman he was seeing and now wants us to get engaged and have a baby in a year or so

That's unlikely to be true. What's more likely is she's broken up with him. I'm afraid I suspect you're 'plan B'.

Him blowing hot and cold with you is probably explained by her picking him up and dropping him.

Don't be his back up plan. You can do so much better.

Words are so easy to say and he knows how you feel/felt. Some people can and will say anything to get what they want. What's the investment in it? all of 10 mins now and then and bluntly, then he'll get a shag from you.

IF - if- he meant what he said, he can go away and be a decent human being for a couple of years and then come back to you. Right now it reads like he's been dumped by his gf and is horny for a fuck.

I know anyfucker i know, i just thought perhaps I'd over-reacted previously. I'm not perfect but I have never dangled anyone on a string for any length of time. He's very successful and intelligent in his career and has never been a so-called cock-lodger or something similar so I thought perhaps he's just had a moment of clarity.

More likely he's had a moment of lonely, bruised ego and horny. Sorry :(

No to going back, you should never go back. You are his fallback girl.

His words are just that, its actions that count.

Bin him off completely and read the "Baggage reclaim" website.

Now is the time to be your own mum, to be your own best friend and to say, "Thanks for the offer, but you're not the man for me." Then walk away, head held high and start to plan your new life. Start a new thread on here if you need help - there are loads of us who would love to think about what we'd do if we were your age and free and single!

I'm in the No camp too.
Love is what you do not what you say.

Definitely not.

NO, NO NO

He is a player, do you want to be played?

Next time you go no contact block his arse.

Relationships are not suppose to be this hard.

Please do not put your emotional health at risk, a leopard never changes his spots, he may dye himself but he will always be a leopard.

What you see as strength is, well I can't speak for all but for myself at least - experience.
When you've been crapped on, when you've been used, you have been through that pain and you've come out the other side and you have the very great benefit of hindsight. If you can stand in front of another woman about to start down a path you've dragged yourself off, jumping up and down waving your arms and yelling no no no no, you tend to want to do that.

You literally cannot run away fast enough from this situation. This man has no respect for you. Have respect for yourself and make a choice that protects you.

Don't spend time analysing why he has behaved as he has. Ultimately that's what he wants, for you to waste time on him and his motivations instead of him and his actions. His actions have told you quite clearly what kind of man he is. His motivation is irrelevant; he isn't good enough for you.

he probably wants to see if you'll come running. and he def wants a shag.

don't respond. absolutely the best reaction in this situation.

Yes I also see the engaged with child left and married someone else in months because that is who they loved.

It is easy for everyone to say leave because we are not emotionally involved.. However You do deserve someone who appreciates you.

He has already knocked your self esteem..Don't let him take anymore.

You think he might change? No he won't: he is what he does.
Offering you the moon on a stick? He doesn't have anything on a stick except a great steaming knob of horseshit.
PLEASE walk away and don't look back. One day, sooner than you think, you'll be glad you did.

He will not change he likes the chase that's it. Do not get back together with him,thank your lucky stars you didn't have a baby with him and move on. When someone loves you and you love them it's not that fucking hard because you both want to make each other happy.
Make NC permanent. Good luck.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Please stop wasting your valuable time.

I dated a guy like this. Do yourself and your self esteem a favour and don't go near him again. He WILL NOT CHANGE, and you will be left with a xhild whose father also gives him/her the runaround and destroyes their life too.