My reaction to flowers from Dh to my work. Am I wrong?

[DragonsCanHop]

We have been married for over a decade and he has never sent me flowers to my work or given me flowers full stop really.

We have had a horrible 2 years - read - me finding an EA and then me trying to recover from it and us getting back on track.

For the last year we are ok and both getting on with it, I refused to do the pick me dance and things haven't been easy but we are talking now things have been normal, every day for ages now.

I work in a largely male environment, have for 2 years. I receive the odd thank you gift from team members and clients here and there, nothing special.

Today a huge bunch of flowers arrives, they were in a glass vase and everything, really lovely. They had my name on them as the recipient but the card was blank, ie I had no idea who they were from and I don't help people who can afford thank you gifts this size.

I called the flower company (it's a company we use and they know me) they told me the card was left blank to keep me guessing"

I called my DH twice with no answer and text him "did you send me flowers??" I didn't think for one moment that it was him, he never shows me any emotion.

The keep you guessing comment creeped me out tbh and after a chat at work about not knowing who had sent me a gorgeous vase of flowers I decided to leave them at work because tbh I didn't know who had sent them and why not leave a message.

I'm not the type of women people send lovely flowers to.

DH eventually replied after I had left the flowers at work and they were from him.

He is pissed I left them at work

I'm bemused at the non message

Apparently he asked his PA to order them and didn't want to realay a message of love to her but expected she would add his name.

I ant believe I'm being moaned at for not bringing them home with a blank card. Wwyd?

[StaceyAndTracey]

I agree it's a bit weird to send the flowers to work - why not to your home ?

Also the bit about " not wanting to tell his PA a personal message . Really ? It's too big a deal to tell the PA to write " to Mary - love, John " ?

And yeah, getting your PA to send flowers is Such a great personal gesture . Because a few clicks on the Internet woudo be so much work for him .how can you possibly " get it wrong " , as a PP suggested ? Poor ickle man, can't work the Internet ?

Is the PA the person he had the EA with ? Or was it someone else at his work ? did the PA send flowers to the OW?

And why the flowers on a random date , when you've had nothing in years ?

I'd like to know what else your Dh has been doing to rebuild your marriage after his affair ?

[RedButtonhole]

Fgs, some people on here!

If you are both past the EA and doing well, it seems that he has done a lovely thing. I don't see what difference it makes whether he phones the florist and orders a bouquet or asks his PA to do so.

Don't make a mountain out of a molehille, it was a nice gesture that got a bit mixed up in translation. Thank him and move on.

[StaceyAndTracey]

I'm wondering why that particular day , given that it wasn't a special occasion . Why just random flowers aftre two years?

Did you have any guests coming to your home that evening ?

Also this comment of yours worries me

"NIf he has thought about me and paid for flowers that is such a great leap with keeping on track"

[letscookbreakfast]

I've sent flowers to my partners work place, she didn't freak out and leave them there.

Mountain out of a molehill OP.

[Minus2seventy3]

letscook - Ditto to sending random flowers to DW's work, no agenda, just a gesture. Agree, nothing to worry about. Take the flowers home, appreciate them for the week or so they last.
Is DH's issue with leaving them at work that they'll be there all weekend, and they only have life of a week or so? They'll be on their last legs when you get them home on Monday night.

[Anniegetyourgun]

This is probably overly suspicious, but maybe he didn't send them? A text asking if he had sent flowers may be the first he had heard of them but now he's taking the credit. It wouldn't be surprising in that case if he were suspicious about who else might be wanting to send them. (Unlikely I admit.)

That faint possibility aside, it may have been a nice gesture but he's not being very gracious about it... bah, you left them at work, I expected you to wrestle them home on the train... who else were you expecting to send you flowers... he can't even do something nice without being a grumpy sod.

[BIWI]

How hard is it to pick up the phone or go online and order flowers himself?

An easy gesture to get the PA to do it.

Sounds to me like he was expecting you to be blown away by his 'gesture' and now he's pissed off because you haven't fallen for it.

I don't blame you for leaving them at work. After all, what if they had been sent by someone else? How would your DH have reacted to that?

[Dowser]

I'm with feck and balloonslayer .

It would have been far more meaningful than have sent them to you today with a loving note.

How the heck where you meant to get them home in a glass vase ffs!

I'm sorry I wouldn't be impressed.

[Dowser]

And now he's all sulky- wulky because his grand gesture backfired on him and that could ruin your weekend.

Time to re- open the communication channels I think OP .

I'm so sorry. He sounds like a man- child :-(

[differentnameforthis]

The only thing that would piss me off is that he got his PA to do the hard work for him. Hardly a lovely gesture, in my book!

[OhMittens]

Balloon: "Of course it could be that it was a test, he thinks you have got your eye on someone and he was going to see if you mentioned them or not."

That's a good point. Nobody here knows if that's the case, only the DH will know that, and it might be that it couldn't be further from the truth, but it's a good point.

I still think the most likely explanation is that the PA misinterpreted him saying "no message" as "put nothing on at all, not even a name". It does seem unlikely that he would have deliberately not put his name on, unless (as I said upthread) he is generally manipulative and underhand.

[kittensinmydinner]

FGS everyone, talk about over analysing fun-sponges ! Man sends flowers to work. Probably heard the much over used phrase ' the spontaneity has gone from our relationship' ' he/she never does anything nice for me anymore' . So this guy does exactly that, a surprising, spontaneous gesture - and no, it matters not a jot that his PA arranged it, HE had the idea and after all it IS the thought that counts. Only his PA left the name off. So now the dh is somehow the bad guy ????? Everyone just needs to get a bloody grip. OP - how about just saying thank you. After all, he didn't need to bother and by now probably wished he hadn't !

[letscookbreakfast]

I agree kittens.

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

Shame H couldn't bring himself to ask his PA to get a message added, she took him too literally and "no message" resulted in a blank card. He isn't used to sending you flowers but I think the motivation here was sincere.

Now that it's all out in the open, just say it was a bit mystifying and you hadn't heard back from him so you only left the bouquet at work because you were wrong-footed. They were gorgeous flowers and it was a nice impulse.

[Dowser]

I'd agree kittens, but he's pissed off because she left them at work.

That's the issue.

[DragonsCanHop]

He definatly wishes he hadn't bothered now! I've said thank you and it's not been mentioned again today, just having a normal Saturday.

We are past the EA by the way, it hadn't really got off the ground when I found out about it and he did do lots to prove he was wrong and should have concentrated on us.

the flowers were a suprise and I probably did act strangly but I genuinly didn't think he would send me flowers.

[AlternativeTentacles]

Man sends flowers to work.

But he didn't. The PA did. He just picked up the tab.

[AlternativeTentacles]

and then he didn't admit to it. Which is the weird thing!

If he'd said 'Yes darling, I did' then that would have been great. It's the keeping her guessing that is the dodgy thing.

[ashtrayheart]

He got the PA to do it and then got the hump because she left them at work. How is this a lovely romantic gesture?

[Dowser]

You can't be blamed for not being a mind reader OP.

It's a shame what was meant to be a lovely gesture for you has backfired.

He didn't think it through properly.

He should have got pa to say love John or whatever his name is on the card

He should have had them sent to your home of expect you to travel home with them on the bus/ tube/ walk/ car risking them getting damaged a second time or causing you inconvenience.

To make himself miserable over it and you feel guilty isn't good.

It's caused another problem which could have been avoided with a bit of thought.

Such a shame, bet they were expensive too!

[justonemoretime2p]

It seems like a big move forward that could be spoiled by a misunderstanding, I would be completely honest with him and hope we made up before it got blown out of proportion.

[iwishiwasasarah]

Flowers to me say 'Shut the Fuck Up and Get Back in Your Fucking Box'

[Minus2seventy3]

Yeah, because whenever I've sent flowers to DW, that's exactly what I've wanted to put across...

[educationforlife]

OFGS
PA sends flowers with no message = off the wall weird - either a rubbish PA - or was told to - or sent them to the wrong person. All weird
Getting PA to send flowers in the first place - totally and completely f*ing shitty - NOT something to be TOLD to be pathetically, humbly grateful for!- no flower stall anywhere? - no phone or internet?
Sending to work rather than home - incomprehensible!? Unless either showing off or marking territory.
Then being TOLD that HE would have expected the OP to lug them home without even knowing who they were from? And sulking!?
Beginning to get even weirder and almost nasty emotional blackmail.
And now the silence ...
Think all posters talking about what a nice gesture have lost the plot!

[ParkingFred]

I would be a bit upset if he got his PA to order them, not exactly full of thought on his part.

Apart from that, it was a nice gesture.

Mind you, I don't much like it when dh sends me flowers to work - bit embarassing. I put them straight in my car so no-one sees apart from the receptionists.