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Original poster

Unprotected sex with husband

60 replies

GinaGirley · 08/05/2015 23:13

I don't like the idea of letting my husband ejaculate inside me.

We've been together for 21 years, and have 3 kids. When we started having sex, we used condoms, but for a while, I went on the pill, but I don't like that as the hormones make me feel different (and I gain weight!) So we've been using condoms ever since, apart from when we were having kids.

We often start having sex unprotected, but then we stop for him to put a condom on. We decided that as this was a bit risky, and that neither of us want and further kids, he had a vasectomy a few years ago. The thing is, I still want him to use condoms, which he does, but he wants to be able to have full sex to completion as it feels nicer for him. I understand this, but I just don't like the idea of having his cum in me.

Some of my friends say I'm being a bit ridiculous, and that sex is supposed to be a bit messy and sticky, and it's only a little bit of juice. Others say that it's my body, so it's my rules (but putting the boot on the other foot, it also involves his body, so maybe it should be his rules too?)

I really enjoy having sex, but I feel a bit bad for making him enjoy it less. I wonder if there's any way I can get over the feeling about it feeling 'dirty'.

OP posts:
TooFatToFuck · 08/05/2015 23:16

It can't feel that bad for him if he still orgasms using a condom. Your body your rules.

hamiltoes · 08/05/2015 23:17

I honestly don't understand how you can think of it as "dirty", especially since you've been married 21 years and seem to both have pretty healthy sex lives?

Without understand the problem I'm not sure I can give any advice, but didn't want to read and run.

NaiceNickname · 08/05/2015 23:23

How on earth did you conceive 3 children with this bonkers mindset?

It is semen. Not wheely bin juice Confused

UnsolvedMystery · 08/05/2015 23:23

Yes it is up to you, but I completely understand why he is unhappy about it. He's had a vasectomy but you still want him to wear a condom.

You can clean yourself up straight after sex. Maybe it's something you could allow sometimes so you both get a bit of what you want

YvetteChauvire · 08/05/2015 23:35

I believe that if you do not want to do something sexually you have every right to refuse to do it. This applies in this situation.

However, if my husband ever told me that my vaginal secretions (don't know the proper words in English) were 'dirty' I would would respect his right to not want to come in contact with them but I probably wouldn't want to sleep with him again. I would imagine he felt I was repulsive ... that is not conducive to a healthy sex life in a marriage.

I don't know what advice to give op expect that perhaps you might want to explore why you think semen is dirty.

category1 · 08/05/2015 23:50

How about sometimes you do it without condoms, and sometimes you do it with? It's not a one way or the other deal. You could do both. Obviously discuss it first, but I don't see why it has to be one thing or another forever. Why make it into an issue when you could compromise?

glittertits · 08/05/2015 23:52

Would pulling out work as a compromise? Have his sperm go somewhere else? Though I'm assuming if you don't want it in your vagina, you won't want it on your skin or in your mouth.

TokenGinger · 09/05/2015 00:09

I feel sorry for your fella. I get the whole "your body" thing, but let's face it, you have his penis in your vagina. You let him start off without one. But just take away the end bit - the best part. But you allowed this during conception stages.

It's not dirty or messy. The thought of my parter ejaculating his juices inside me absolutely heightens my desire for him - I crave to feel that. Knowing he's leaving a part of him inside me turns me on to no end.

Zillie77 · 09/05/2015 00:11

It would send your husband a message of acceptance and love if you could get over this aversion you have. Sex is messy, sometimes smelly, often hilarious, involves the occasional embarrassing sounds-so what? I would really be bummed out if my husband wanted to wear a condom every time we made love because my vagina gave him an icky feeling.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 09/05/2015 00:15

Blimey I'd be far happier having DH ejaculate inside me than discuss it with my friends Confused

AuntyMag10 · 09/05/2015 00:15

I think you are being very weird about this. You have 3 children, surely his 'stuff' pales in comparison. I can understand him feeling very upset over this. 21 years and you still feel this way, something is amiss here.

glittertits · 09/05/2015 00:20

I would really be bummed out if my husband wanted to wear a condom every time we made love because my vagina gave him an icky feeling.

Same. I'd feel really really rejected. The idea that he was only tolerating my biology because he wanted to make a child would crush me.

Icimoi · 09/05/2015 00:26

You must have tolerated having his semen in you before when you were on the pill and when you were conceiving babies. What has changed?

Bahh · 09/05/2015 00:43

I agree with everyone else. Your body your rules, but wouldn't hurt to put a bit of thought into why that is one of your rules and if it might be something you could relax about in future.

It's the best part of sex imo!

Trills · 09/05/2015 00:55

If there are no worries about pregnancies or STDs then the decison is entirely on what makes you both happiest.

Personally I think you are being unreasonable.

But if you and your husband are happy with your decison, it's up to you.

AlpacaMyBags · 09/05/2015 01:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AmyElliotDunne · 09/05/2015 01:47

It is semen. Not wheely bin juice Grin

And what Token said.

I always find it weird when women don't like this stuff but are happy to accept it on baby-making terms. What a blow or not for your DH, to feel like he is only tolerated because of what you can gain from it.

I'm presuming, as you've started this thread, that he's not happy having gone to all the trouble and risk of a vasectomy, to still be using condoms, that seems like madness to me! I think you do need to try and address why you have a problem with it and try to be more accepting of it.

One of the themes that people often cite with porn is 'humiliating' women by depositing semen wherever it happens to land. However, in my experience the majority of clips show the woman enjoying it (whether real or faked) because to a man, the fantasy is about someone wanting it, accepting this part of them that maybe even they don't really want to come into contact with!

I can imagine being scared of having it inside you if there was a risk of unwanted pregnancy but if it's just a mess issue, what do you do about periods? Child birth? Your own secretions at certain times of the month? Can't you just keep a towel handy by the bed and get up for a quick clean up afterwards?

Aridane · 09/05/2015 04:07

Poor sod - he has had a vasectomy and is still having to use condoms.

Mom2K · 09/05/2015 04:20

I think this would be worth a look into counselling to be honest, to figure out why you feel this way, and if you could over come it.

As others have pointed out...you have your own secretions that your body makes as well - what if your DH never wanted his penis to come in contact with your bodily fluids when you had wanted children?

It is your body...but I think this is an abnormal hang up to have, and your marriage would likely be healthier if this is something you could adjust.

SevenAteNine · 09/05/2015 06:58

Hmm. A thread where op gets everyone to talk about ejaculation.
Am I the only one whose pervert radar has lit up?

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 09/05/2015 07:08

Well, it was started just after closing time.

Still, if DW had ever told me something like this, sex would end on the spot and I'd be planning an exit.

letscookbreakfast · 09/05/2015 07:17

Sorry OP but I can see where your husband is coming from, his semen was only wanted by you when you wanted children. Now there's no chance of any accidents happening you're still making him wear a condom.

Sex is messy and there's no escaping that. When I'm close it turns my partner on no end, I didn't understand why really until I asked and she basically said what other posters have said.

BareGorillas · 09/05/2015 07:27

I can see where your husband is coming from

Grin
GlitzAndGigglesx · 09/05/2015 07:31

Sex isn't a dirty thing though. I'm surprised he hasn't realised he was just used as a baby maker

peggyundercrackers · 09/05/2015 07:43

only milk or juice comes in pints... its not that messy - im sure hes not covering you in the stuff.

I think your being really unfair - hes had a vasectomy - your not going to get pregnant - I think in your mind you still think your going to get pregnant again and obviously don't want that but I think your taking things too far and being irrational about it.

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