Is he tight or am I expecting too much?

[packetofcrisps]

I'm currently in months 9-12 of my maternity leave and my pay has come to an end. We are living off DP's income and a bit of money I have saved in the bank. He gives me an allowance every month and I double that with the bit of cash I've put to one side. We have separate bank accounts so I have no access to his cash other than to what he gives me.
The cash he gives me allows me to buy a few groceries each week, go to baby groups, puts petrol in my car, pays for the odd lunch out with other mums, the odd new toy or outfit for DS etc.

I understand that I can afford all the basics and still enjoy lunch out etc, but anything like getting my hair done, new clothes for me which I desperately need and furnishings for the house, I have to run by him first as it's out of my monthly budget.

He seems reluctant to spend on the house which desperately needs sprucing up or for me to purchase much needed clothes. However, he can seem to afford new expensive tools for himself to work on his hobby, an expensive weekend away with his friends and expensive birthday gifts for his family. Dont get me wrong, he'll pay for nice meals and trips out for us too, but I feel very controlled in the way I can spend money myself. Every time I have to ask for money, I just feel that bit more inferior. It's not like I cant control my spending either as I'm pretty good with money.
Should I be able to have access to his money too whilst on mat leave or am I expecting too much?

When I was with my ex, he had control of all the money apart from child benefit. That was mine but out if it I had to pay my phone bill so I only had 60 pounds to last me a month!

I used to have to ask him for money. It always caused an argument if I wanted to get my hair cut or buy clothes.

Your husband does not sound like my ex however you need to put a stop to this now, this is about respect and you need him to respect you. You should not be afraid to confront him about this , if he still refuses to change then I would advice you go back to work sooner rather than later.

I would never be happy with a joint account.

There's no way I want to keep adding up what I spend on myself, what he spends on himself and asking if I can spend any money because I don't what he might have coming up later in the month.

No way I'd want to risk all that joint money being taken should we split and me left with nothing.

Far better to budget for the year plus rainy day most and have a standing order going to current accounts for personal spending with no discussion needed.

Any extras not spent from the bills allowance can get periodically shared or spent on joint projects or holidays etc.

Look up what a live in nanny, or full time child care would cost. Look up what x hours a week domestic help would cost.

Sit down with him and have a calm, factual conversation along the lines of:

We have had a child
I have taken the career and financial hit to look after that child for x months
That means x in lost earnings for me
Child care costs x
Domestic help costs x
My doing those jobs saves you x
I have no desire to stop you doing your hobby but I need sufficient funds to run OUR house, take care of OUR child and not have to beg you for money for personal items that are not frivolous. The money you give me currently is not enough.
How can we work this equitably? What does a good solution look like to you?
How about x amount into a joint account monthly?

If he will not engage, you need to look very closely at whether you want to stay. Being an unmarried sahm is unfortunately a vulnerable position.