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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Need perspective, AIBU or is DH a prick?

55 replies

BrainSurgeon · 05/05/2015 14:45

DH is in a relatively new job, works very long hours (14 a day in average), comes home at 10:30-11pm. He expects me to greet him with joy, offer a cooked dinner and keep him company, chat about his day etc.
He also expects to have a choice of impeccably ironed shirts every morning. This morning he was in a major huff as he says the only one he could wear - a stripy shirt - is not smart enough for the important meeting he has to go to. There were two other ironed shirts but apparently they were too tight, and I should have known that.
I am currently unemployed, looking for a job, and I feel like he is expecting me to wait on him and fulfill his every need because I'm at home. It's not the work I should do that bothers me, it's the attitude...
AIBU? Does he really get to have no responsibility for anything at all at home, because he works long hours? (Which he really enjoys btw)

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 05/05/2015 14:49

In answer to your question - your DH is a prick!
HTH.

DuelingFanjo · 05/05/2015 14:54

Dick.

He can Iron 5 shirts of his own choosing on his day off, if he has one.

SirChenjin · 05/05/2015 14:54

No, he's not a prick. He is an arsehole with an attitude problem Grin

So - what are you going to do? Kill him dead?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 05/05/2015 14:54

You probably do have more time to iron but it's not his right. So he is being a prick. I'd imagine he must be tired even if enjoying those hours though. Time for a talk definitely.

DuelingFanjo · 05/05/2015 14:55

oh sorry - prick.

Original poster
BrainSurgeon · 05/05/2015 14:56

Ha! Thanks hellsbells I feel quite strongly that he is, but he's ever so good at guilt tripping me...

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YouMakeMyHeartSmile · 05/05/2015 14:56

Yeah he's a prick. I'm a SAHM to a toddler. DH works long hours. He is grateful if he has an ironed shirt (doesn't always happen!) and wouldn't dare moan about which shirt it was. He also cooks dinner at least 3 times a week!

Original poster
BrainSurgeon · 05/05/2015 15:00

Yes he is tired but it really is his choice to work such crazy hours.
I am on the brink of depression, feeling very lonely as we moved countries for his career, and him leaving me alone for so long then complaining I am not looking after him (not in those exact words but that's the idea) does not help at all.

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 05/05/2015 15:01

I hope you can discuss this with him and he agrees not to be such a dick. Maybe not worded like that.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 05/05/2015 15:01

Tell him how you feel

Romeyroo · 05/05/2015 15:02

Do you have children together? Did you leave a job so he could pursue his career?

If you have no DC and are more employable here, maybe you should consider moving back to be your own person rather than a servant?

Original poster
BrainSurgeon · 05/05/2015 15:06

Yes we have DS aged 6, he's at school most of the day so I have time to get things done.
And yes, I gave up my job twice to follow DH, second time really hated but he earns double than me and it was the right thing to do for the family...

OP posts:
Original poster
BrainSurgeon · 05/05/2015 15:09

In his defense, I don't always wait up for him, he does expect me to but I can't stay up so late do he eats alone most nights. It's the entitlement that bothers me.

OP posts:
Original poster
BrainSurgeon · 05/05/2015 15:23

Oh dear just came across the thread with examples of entitlement, I do feel like a princess now, I guess my DH is a good'un compared to those!

OP posts:
Moonatic · 05/05/2015 15:23

Your husband works 14-hour days, you are unemployed and you can't be arsed to cook him supper and iron his shirts? I think YABU. Sorry.
In your defence, I think your dh should show some appreciation when you do do things for him. A little bit of appreciation goes a long way im my experience.

Jan45 · 05/05/2015 15:24

He sure doesn't see you as an equal and is using the fact you have left your previous job to suit him as an excuse to treat you like a skivvy, not very respectful imo, I'd have to speak to him.

dollius · 05/05/2015 15:24

So what if you DO have more free time? If you don't want to spend it ironing shirts, why the hell should you? You have sacrificed your own work-life satisfaction for him and now he thiknks you should skivyy for him too? Fuck that.

grumbleina · 05/05/2015 15:27

Who's going to iron his shirt options when you do go back to work?

Probably best for him to get used to doing it now, really.

Original poster
BrainSurgeon · 05/05/2015 15:30

The shirt situation was a slip-up, he does usually have a choice of ironed shirts, it was just this morning.... I am not that lazy....

OP posts:
MmeLindor · 05/05/2015 15:31

It isn't about the shirts, is it? It's about the fact that you've put your career on hold, to be the trailing spouse, and that is getting you down. I don't blame you for that, but you have to work on this together.

Does he know that you are feeling so lonely? Are there any groups that you could join there, to help you get out and make friends/contacts.

hellsbellsmelons · 05/05/2015 15:32

Moonatic I didn't see anywhere that she can't be arsed to cook for him or that she won't iron his shirts.
He had a choice of 3 but none were good enough.
And he has dinner when he comes in but often the OP wants to be asleep.
Now if there were no children involved then OK, but there is a child.
That wakes up in the morning, needs to be fed, dressed, run around etc....

DorisLessingsCat · 05/05/2015 15:32

He's a prick.

Yes he's working long hours but it's no picnic for you. You have sole responsibility for your child and are (I guess) stuck at home all week because of his working hours.

He is probably projecting his stress onto you. I would quietly ignore if he's normally ok and get on with job hunting.

Pensionerpeep · 05/05/2015 15:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
BrainSurgeon · 05/05/2015 15:32

And he does have a cooked dinner waiting for him almost every night... I just can't stay up to keep him company at 11pm every bloody night

OP posts:
Original poster
BrainSurgeon · 05/05/2015 15:33

Spot on, Mme....

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