bad relationship??

[elle86]

I am no longer with my sons father but I have a new partner and myself, my son and my partner live in my partners house. We have been together on and off for 4 years. He has ended our relationship multiple times in the past. We did live him before but he literally kicked us out. He has declared his love for me so many times but has always ended the relationship. We never go out where there might be people he/we know. We are not friends on facebook. He always said he doesn't want people knowing his personal business although he's quit happy for other people to post pictures of him and with other girls. A number of times I found texts from him to other girls on his phone although that was in past and quit a while ago, also on facebook. We never talk, literally never talk about anything important, we just sit in silence all the time. When I try and bring the subject up, he just gets angry with me. He never tells me anything. It seems like I just live in a house which he also lives in, not an actual relationship.
It seems like he is always having a go at me. He does get really horrible, although he's never actually hit me, he's pinned me up, grabbed my arm, put his hand around my neck, but I always feel like its my fault. He never says sorry. He always says things and then totally goes back on them.
I just don't know what to do anymore.

He put his hand round your neck - what do you need to understand?

I give up - you don't want to leave him so you never will. And you are subjecting your child to an awful life and role model for his future relationships.

Elle - he is going to kill you.
You know this, right?

a hand around the neck is an immediate rocket ride up to seriously dangerous man when it comes to risk assessment.

You know this is not right, you know this is abuse.

You do know these things escalate? never ever getting any better, only worse and worse. This man could change ANY TIME HE WANTS TO. But he doesn't want to, because he LIKES HURTING YOU AND YOUR CHILD.

You are well on your way to becoming a statistic. 2 women a week are killed by their partners.

The next time I hear about a woman being killed by her partner, and her leaving behind an 8/9 yo, I will wonder if that is you. One day it probably will be.

If you can't get out and are happy for your child to grow up without a mother etc, by all means - that REALLY IS YOUR CHOICE.

Your son however has no choice in this and you are allowing him to be abused by not dealing with this situation.

If you can't demand more for yourself, demand better for him. If you can't put your DS safety and future first, please give him to his father?

Or to me, I'll have him. Anywhere but where you both are now. If you can't stop this for him, give him to anyone but you.

That is how seriously you need to take it. Act now before your DS says something or does something in school that alerts the SS and they will be forced to do something to protect him if you can't.

YOU DID NOT DO THIS,

But you are allowing it.

Stop. today.

Call WA and tell them what you have said here.

A child living in a DV situation is deemed by authorities as automatically being abused. stop kidding yourself here. Act to protect your son.

the rest will follow.

Hello, I know I have gone quite but I really wasn't sure what to do. I have never been in such a situation. I just feel like I need to talk even if it is online, which again, I've never done before. Things haven't really changed. My sons school had a beer festival come live music show Saturday / night which we went to. He never spent any time with us. He managed to have conversations with lots of other people but it was like he blanked me all the time, never made any effort. Every evening is just silence, we never talk about anything, he is so secretive. Its like he wants everything kept in their individual boxes so they don't cross over, does that make sense? I feel so lonely and pushed out of everything. I feel like I live in his house but that is all, its no relationship. He never feels or shows guilt for the way he treats me. Doesn't even kiss me good bye anymore, almost like he's trying to push me to see how far I will go. Doesn't really want to see my son, never really shows him any love anymore but what hurts is the fact he's always there for his family or if his dad needs his help because he says he feels guilty. I know I am rambling but I am at my wits end. I feel like I have nothing anymore. Fee like getting up and walking away from everything thing and everyone. thank you x

Time to stop with the "but why?" And trying to understand, it's largely irrelevant. He just is and does, and you stay there for more. You say you have a good wage, your own home - so take your son and go live in your OWN HOME away from this; all this umming and ahhhing and no action = another day your son gets to see this. Awful.

Many of us were you, once Elle. The only way this can change is if YOU change it, by getting up and taking your son and walking out. Start making plans, take the control back. Men like this never change. He doesn't love you, this is not love. He likes hurting you.

Look elle, he won't change. He has no reason to, and he doesn't want to. The only person with the power to change this truly awful relationship is you. By leaving him.

What are your thoughts on the very sound advice you've been given on this thread?

You feel like walking away? hooray! Walk away and get your life back, and more importantly get that dreadful man out of your son't life. He's learning every day what a man does and can do to a woman in a relationship. He'll learn to be exactly like that bastard, and he'll grow up to be yet another abusive shit. Don't let that happen.

Get yourself out, get your son out. Save the boy! and thereby save a few girls in the future. Show your son what a strong woman you are, and that a good strong woman won't take that sort of shit.

You want to know why he does it? i'll tell you.

Because he can.

You don't need to understand why your relationship is shit and is harming your son, it just is.

You can't change that because he's the one that needs to change and he doesn't want to.

Please please please your son and you deserve better, and better is a life without and opportunity to find a better life. Protect your son and yourself by getting rid

Think practically and plan your exit. This man is bad news and you know it!

How old is your son? How is this effecting him? Call Womans Aid - get help.

Is there any way you can you move back into your own house?

...then get up and walk away from it all, taking your son with you obviously. Be a better mother too, as this is more than your life! Your fear of being alone ( which is what is stopping you, otherwise you would have walked ages ago) does not trump the happiness and well being of your son. Sorry, but I do begin to loose sympathy for mothers once it's that bad that their DC's happiness is being damaged and still nothing is done about it "because I don't want to be alone" or "I need to understand". 2 sentences that start with "I". Do you see how they are irrelevant as your son and you are a 'team'. As they say - no 'I' in 'team'. A stable place for your son to grow up in should be priority number one, the rest is just smoke and mirrors.

Please move back into your own house and conduct this disaster of a relationship from separate places. One of which is home that will shelter you and DS from the inevitable pain and disruption this relationship is and will cause.