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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Pregnant and scared - partner is aggressive

90 replies

someonehelp · 05/05/2015 12:42

I've name-changed on here. I am into my second trimester of pregnancy and already have a child from a previous relationship.

My current partner and I have been looking at properties together since we don't live together. We are in fact supposed to be going to see the mortgage advsior tomorrow as we have seen a house we like.

Cut a long story short, we have had difficulties getting along and this was before the pregnancy., He hasn't always treated me well and this has had an effect on our relationship overall. I stayed with him because foolishly I thought he may realise how badly he has treated and would start to treat me better. he promised he would.

Better hasn't really happened - if anything its gone worse. We are now at a stage where I cannot speak to him about anything as he takes it the wrong way and an argument ensues. We have had a consultation for relationship counselling to see if that would help but we are waiting to hear back from them as we have been put on a waiting list.

Since I have found out I am pregnant we have decided we really do need our own place to live and have been quite excited about buying our own home. Recently tho, things have been awful. Every discussion becomes an argument and everything is getting more and more out of control.

He has recently pushed to the floor whilst pregnant. I think last night was the final straw. We had a discussion, it got heated. I asked him to leave my house (it was very late and he did have to be up early for work in the morning but by this point there really was no point in him staying). He started swearing at me 'you f**g silly cow, go and fk yourself. F*k off...' over and over. I asked him to stop as my toddler was in bed next door. He kept on saying it. I asked him to stop repeatedly. Realising I was getting nowhere asking him to stop swearing and keep his voice down I picked up his clothes stupidly, and threatened to throw them out the bedroom window. He punched me on the back of my head hard. I cried, yelled at him to leave, so he picked up my computer (all-in-one) and held it above his head and threatened to throw it out of my bedroom window.

I cannot take any more. I don't know what to do. I cannot stay where I am currently staying as I have another child on the way and there is no room. I was excited about getting a mortgage (we have a decision in principle and looks likely we will get this property). Now it has all fallen apart around me.

I feel relationship counselling is a futile exercise even tho it was my suggestion in the first place and I booked the initial visit. This isn't something a counsellor can fix. This has been on-going for quite some time and I don't know how to handle any situation anymore as no matter what, it turns nasty.

I am scared but even more scared of being a single mum to 2 young children. I don't know how my life ended up like this. I am usually so confident and fairly intelligent and here I am crying my eyes out in what appears to be a bleak pit. I should be looking forward to my future with my partner and my children hopefully in a house we can call our own. Mortgage advisor expects to see us tomorrow.

What the hell do I do??

OP posts:

ilovelamp82 · 06/05/2015 09:17

Hope you're ok OP. Be honest when you go to A&E. It may be useful down the line to have it on record how you were injured, especially as you're having a child together. Have you got someone who can go with you?

Honestly, hitting someone is horrendous. Hitting the woman who is carrying your child is pure dark evil. It's chilling.

GoatsDoRoam · 06/05/2015 12:59

A&E definitely required for a head injury. Please tell them how it happened so it goes on record - this will be useful in the near future to keep him away from you as he tries to win you over again. Which he will.

You ask "Why is he like this?"
Because this is who he is.
There's a very useful book by Lundy Bancroft called "Why does he do that?", since that's a question that grips the mind of women in your case. You may find it a useful read.

But your priority right now are your health, your safety, and your DCs. You can take care of these by going to A&E, and by keeping well away from this man.

middlethird · 06/05/2015 13:28

hope the visit to a&e goes well OP.

You Can Do This.

Snowflake15 · 06/05/2015 14:24

OP you are doing the right thing. I hope all goes well for you at A&E and please tell them what happened.

Far better for your DCs to have a loving caring single mum than a beaten mum and an abusive dad - you can do this!

Topseyt · 06/05/2015 17:35

OP, hope you got to A & E safely and have been checked out.

Hope your injury is not too severe.

You are doing the right things here. Stay strong and keep him out of your life. He is not safe to be around you, and not safe to anywhere near children. I would be very reluctant to allow him near you at any point during the pregnancy, not even for hospital visits or for the birth. He is abusive and violent and will try to worm his way back. Have your family help you out instead if they can.

GoatsDoRoam · 07/05/2015 13:08

You are in my thoughts, OP. It's hard to shake the sadness over a pregnant woman getting punched by her partner. I hope that you are currently receiving good RL help.

Coyoacan · 07/05/2015 14:07

You are in my thoughts, OP

I second that emotion

CaveMum · 07/05/2015 14:55

OP I rarely post on these threads as so many knowledgable people have already said helpful hints.

However I will say your (hopefully) former partner has hit you hard enough for you to be suffering days later and culminating in a trip to A&E. You need to report this to the police, if he gets arrested and charged he has no one to blame but himself.

Vivacia · 07/05/2015 15:09

But OP is aware of that Cave She knows she's been hit hard enough for it to still be hurting and require A&E.

SunnyBaudelaire · 07/05/2015 15:14

you have to go. do not even consider seeing the mortgage adviser.

Miss60 · 07/05/2015 15:26

My heart hurts for you. I'm sending wishes for peace, strength and clarity to you.

CaveMum · 07/05/2015 18:04

My point was that before the Dr told her to go to A&E OP had said she didn't want to go to the Police and press charges. I hope that this might have changed her mind.

star8369 · 07/05/2015 19:41

someonehelp are you ok?

cestlavielife · 07/05/2015 23:07

You need to tell people and get help to keep him away.
If you report to police they will go and talk to him. If he denies it nothing may come of it. But your report will be on record ... If he says -it was just a slap - then they will likely caution him.... It is important you follow thru so that you can later have some control over his contact with child..if it is on record he is violent you can make sure he has only supervised contact with baby initially.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 07/05/2015 23:50

omg. He is disgusting. You need to get out op. Please please please tell someone what is happening. If he'll do that to you when you are pregnant have no regard for you or the life you carry inside you. I shudder to think what he"ll do when you're not pregnant.
Op you and your beautiful unborn baby deserve so much better.
Oh congratulations. You take it easy.
Love support and

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