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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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feeling scared and lonely

97 replies

mamaexhaustion · 30/04/2015 21:09

Hello this is my first post I Googled and found this website and I could really use sone Advice.
I live with my partner and i am pregnant which i found out yesterday. He doesnt know because I don't want to be with him any more. I have left him twice but I am back with him and I really just don't know how to break this cycle that I am in. I have been reading about abuse and I guess I am in an abusive relationship although it is hard to think about it like that. I was just hoping for some advice. I find it hard to talk to people as it is so I think the Internet is my best bet As I am quite lonely and a bit scared to talk. I want to leave for good but I don't know how.

OP posts:
whitsernam · 06/05/2015 16:24

Mamaexhaustion - When things seem so dark, it is hard to see that the sun will ever come up again, but it will! Life changes so quickly it is amazing, and somehow you will get through this too. I know how bad you may be feeling, but please take care of yourself: have something to eat and some tea (or whatever you like!!) and do keep in close touch with your Doctor or Midwife; they can help a lot, actually.

And I do really hope the Domestic Violence person can help you, too! There is help out there, but you have to take those first steps. We're here to say "been there, done that, and you can do it!"

Thinking of you, and wishing you strength....

lbnblbnb · 06/05/2015 18:43

Mama - good to hear from you. Still thinking of you. How are you today?

mamaexhaustion · 06/05/2015 20:22

I'm not right in my mind At the moment

OP posts:
lbnblbnb · 06/05/2015 20:35

You have been through a lot. Is there anyone you can talk to in real life about how you are feeling?

mamaexhaustion · 06/05/2015 20:52

I don't have any frinds left

OP posts:
lbnblbnb · 06/05/2015 21:23

Family? Have you contacted Women's Aid? You need to find support. How are your wrist and face today?

whattodoforthebest2 · 07/05/2015 10:23

Hi Mama, can you go and see your GP and tell him/her exactly what's been happening and how you're feeling? There should be support available to you and perhaps medication that would help you for a while.

mamaexhaustion · 08/05/2015 10:28

I'm seeing a counsellor today. I'm feeling so dark and it's a scary place to be. he is being kept in he won't be granted bail because of his previous where he didn't turn up to court.

OP posts:
saturnvista · 08/05/2015 15:24

Hope things go well with the counsellor, just keep focusing on getting through one hour at a time. It won't feel like this forever, it really won't Flowers

whitsernam · 08/05/2015 16:00

I am so glad he's being kept in. That gives you some breathing space to work out how you will move forward. One step at a time, don't look at everything all at once. Just try to take one thing, do that, then do something nice for yourself. You can survive this!! and if the counsellor does not "feel right" for you, do whatever it takes to find one that works better. I interviewed 3 before I found the one I wanted to work with, and it was really worth the effort!! Flowers

whattodoforthebest2 · 08/05/2015 19:51

Thinking of you, Mama.

lbnblbnb · 08/05/2015 20:47

Glad to hear he is being kept in, and I really hope it went well with the counsellor. As others have said, if it doesn't feel right, try another one. It can be exhausting talking to someone about scary stuff, please look after yourself. Thinking of you Mama.

mamaexhaustion · 10/05/2015 09:10

what do I need to do to make this better

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wallypops · 10/05/2015 11:24

What did you manage to tell the counsellor? If at all possible try to write a sort of potted history of what has happened and the rough dates, and give a copy to the counsellor. This will stop you having to rehash everything each time.

For what its worth finding a good counsellor is the hardest bit. You dont want someone who just lets you talk - you want someone who makes you work on yourself actively, gives you plenty of reading to do. Basically someone who challenges you a bit (at the very least).

Then you might want to think about where you would like to end up emotionally and physically. So for example, where would you like to be living, working etc. The most important thing in many ways is that you need to learn (or relearn) to be ok by yourself, not validated on invalidated by other people.

Being a single parent (if that's what you decide to do) isn't a walk in the park, obviously, but it is fine. For me it was 90% bloody brilliant, and 10% torture. But doing it alone was 100x better than being a parent and dealing with my exh's abuse. And the abuse really got going for me when I found out I was pregnant.

As soon as my ex was out of the house on a permanent basis and my friends knew it, so many of them appeared again. It was fab to be honest.

lbnblbnb · 10/05/2015 11:37

Have you got another appointment with the counsellor? Sometimes counselling can feel worse as you open things up. But if you have a good counsellor it will be worth it. What other support do you have? Thinking of you.

lbnblbnb · 11/05/2015 21:55

Hope you are ok mama. ??

lbnblbnb · 13/05/2015 20:22

How are you today mama? Thinking of you.

lbnblbnb · 13/05/2015 20:22

How are you today mama? Thinking of you.

LaBette001 · 13/05/2015 21:04

Hey mama - sending love and support. Thinking of you, your daughter and your new baby. Sending you the strength you need to get through this Flowers

mamaexhaustion · 13/05/2015 21:43

It's all just so hopeless and I'm so tired feeling sick and I've just lost the only friend I had because I was being so shit. I just am exhausted. Its so dark.

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mamaexhaustion · 13/05/2015 22:28

I haven't stopped crying for about 3 hhours and I don't even know what's going on. I'm not feeling sad.

OP posts:
ittooshallpass · 14/05/2015 10:00

You haven't lost a friend because you were bring shit; he has lost you because he is a shit. He doesn't deserve you.

Your tears are your body's way of letting all your pent up emotions out. Let them flow!

Please reach out to someone in RL to talk to. You sound very low.

It sounds like he has isolated you from your friends; this is very common in abusive relationships.

If you're not ready to meet people in RL for support, please call women's aid or the samaritans; they will understand what you are going through so you won't need to go into huge detail, which I understand is difficult for you.

Sending you love and kindness. You sound so down. You are stronger than you know.

Take everything slowly. Keep moving forward... we are here to hold your hand.

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