feeling scared and lonely

[mamaexhaustion]

Hello this is my first post I Googled and found this website and I could really use sone Advice.
I live with my partner and i am pregnant which i found out yesterday. He doesnt know because I don't want to be with him any more. I have left him twice but I am back with him and I really just don't know how to break this cycle that I am in. I have been reading about abuse and I guess I am in an abusive relationship although it is hard to think about it like that. I was just hoping for some advice. I find it hard to talk to people as it is so I think the Internet is my best bet As I am quite lonely and a bit scared to talk. I want to leave for good but I don't know how.

[mamaexhaustion]

I went to a&e last night he did hurt me. I didn't tell them what happened I lied and now I wish I did tell them because I'm scared about him coming home.

[ApproachingATunnel]

Can you not go back there tonight and tell them? Are you ok? Do you think you could ring 101 and talk to them (i appreciate it must be scarry...)? Please dont just leave it x

[ApproachingATunnel]

Or at least ring ae and tell them you have attended yesterday and that you was actually injured by the bastard. And see what they say?

[newnamesamegame]

OP call 101 now: they can log what happened and can link it to records of your A&E visit.

If you don't feel up to it tonight do it tomorrow or the next day but please do it.

Then tell the GP to reinforce it.

It's totally understandable that you feel scared. But you should not let this pass without keeping a record of it at an absolute minimum.

Please act on this, this is your chance to make your escape, to protect yourself.

Hope you are ok now.

[mamaexhaustion]

He hurt me in the night badly I called the police and he has been arrested. Thank you all for supporting me. I don't know what's next.

[mamaexhaustion]

Is anyone around to talk to me a but

[whitsernam]

Mama, I'm here, but only for a short bit. I just read the whole thread, and it sounds like you really need to keep in touch with the police, AND be sure they know you were at a&e last night as well, so you get all the pieces of the full picture put in the right places. Please, please, do report all of this - isn't there a domestic violence officer or special unit locally? They can help you get whatever help you need, and also Women's Aid seem to be really good. And be sure you tell them you're pregnant; abusive men seem to get worse when the woman gets pregnant (been there, done that, got the T-shirt)

You will get lots of support here, so don't give up. Sometimes people are at work, or making dinner, but then you might get an answer from someone in Oz!! for you, and a massive dose of strength to just keep yourself going.

[mamaexhaustion]

Thank you whitsernam I gave a statement this morning they know about a&e and they took me back there because of last night. I just need to feel like I'm not so alone and this helps a lot. I have an appointment tomorrow with the officer assigned to this case to talk about what's been happening and so she can make decisions about what happens next. I miss him though

[Spellcheck]

I'm here Mama. Is there anyone local you could confide in? You've been so amazingly brave calling the police. Have they given you any update? What's the next step?
And - how are you, physically? Xx

[Spellcheck]

Are you sure you miss him? Is it just having someone else in the house that you miss? Because he sounds horrendous and not the kind of person who could be missed.

[whitsernam]

Of course you miss him!! But you miss the good parts of him, and that is not who he is now. Many men manage to show only their good parts until they think the woman they want is dependent upon them, and then the real person they are starts to come out.... which is why he does this when you're vulnerable. It is impossible to understand, really, because who in their right mind would treat the mother of their child this way?! But unfortunately, this is what he is doing, and you have to find the strength to cope somehow.

I am super glad you have an appointment tomorrow with the officer. Make sure you get there, no matter what it takes.

Now for tonight, what can you do that you will enjoy, or will take your mind off him? A favorite DVD? Book? Chocolate? Warm bath? (I know, they tell you not tooooo hot when your pregnant) and maybe take time to write down what you need answers for tomorrow. Like: will he have a restraining order? Will someone escort him to come get his clothing, etc.? so you don't have to be alone with him? Where can you get help for yourself? I bet they can help a lot!!

I'll be thinking of you, and will check in later, but do have to go now. I am so glad you have that appointment tomorrow.

[mamaexhaustion]

I am in so much pain. My wrist is fractured and my mouth is swollen up completely. I do miss him and I don't know why. I hate it when he's in the house because I don't know what might happen next. I feel sick and tired. I will ask what's happening tomorrow, I haven't had any other updates yet but the police were nice to me. Thank you for talking to me

[Spellcheck]

Did you tell A&E you were pregnant? Is the baby ok? I really hope Woman's Aid get back to you soon. You need to get away, and build a new life for you and your darling baby. You can do it! You are worth more than this!

[mamaexhaustion]

I told them and it'd too early to tell anything but they said no bleeding is a good sign

[newnamesamegame]

Mama very sorry to hear what you have gone through...

You have been incredibly brave and have taken the most difficult step.

It's normal that you miss him because you have been living with him and he has probably been the closest person to you. That doesn't mean you won't be much better off without him.

You will need some support to get through this though. Have you told anyone in RL yet? Is there someone you can speak to?

You should also make it a priority to get some counselling to deal with this transition in your life.

How are you feeling now?

[whattodoforthebest2]

Hi Mama, I hope you're feeling a bit better today - have you seen the police yet?

Please keep posting - there's lots of friends for you here to support you.

[nicenewdusters]

Hope you're feeling a little better today and not in too much pain. How are things going ?

[mamaexhaustion]

I keep thinking of all these bridges I can't stop thinking of them and standing on the bridge edge. It's scaring me

[lbnblbnb]

Hi mama, you are going through things that would push many of us to thinking dark thoughts. Please take this as a sign that you need to speak up and ask for help. No one deserves things to happen to them to make them feel so low. Can you call your friend? Or family? The Samaritans could listen to you? Or women's aid? We all believe you are worth more than this.

[lbnblbnb]

Here for you if you are able to post. Thinking of you mama.

[TheOnlyOliviaMumsnet]

Hello mamaexhaustion
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We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources - here. You can also go to the Samaritans' website here, or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Sorry for interrupting, and we do really hope things start to look up for you soon.
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[saturnvista]

Hi mamaexhaustion I've been reading your posts and feel so sorry you're going through this sad and frightening time in your life. I have been through some very bad experiences as well and there have been times when I didn't think I would get through because everything was so dark. I know other women who would also say that about their lives but we have all made it through and so will you. Just think about getting through one day at a time, that's all you have to do and please please make sure you tell the doctor exactly how you're feeling emotionally because he will be able to help. Even if you get scared and it's the middle of the night, go to A and E because there is always a nurse there who will be trained for this kind of situation.

You will get through it, I just wish I had the words to show you how much happier you will be in a short time. You can't imagine it now but you will. You have been battered about an abusive man so you have to be kind to yourself now and let yourself heal. There are lots of resources out there that might well be able to help. Take any chances of friendship and support that you can find, even go to a church if you think they might be friendly.

Always feel free to PM me, I really really do care. You're going to be OK.xxxx

[lbnblbnb]

Mama, I have to go now but will check back in the morning. Please take care of yourself and find someone to talk to. You are worth it even if things seem so bleak at the moment.

[mamaexhaustion]

just to say I am here still. Thank you all for supporting me

[whattodoforthebest2]

Good to hear from you Mama, keep posting, we're waiting to hear more from you - you're not alone ((((hugs))))