Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Ex keeps pinching my bum

84 replies

Yikesivedoneitagain · 29/04/2015 21:31

Help! Ex keeps pinching, squeezing and slapping my bum. We have little children so I see him quite frequently. I've told him politely to fuck off. I've told him not politely. Today I lost my shit with him. He says he will keep doing it.

I've already LTB - what now?

OP posts:

jubles · 29/04/2015 21:35

How do you feel about reporting him for sexual harassment?

Levismum · 29/04/2015 21:37

Not very helpful but grab his bits really really hard...

glittertits · 29/04/2015 21:38

Dickhead sounds like he's trying to open the door for a shag.

Agree with the above poster, but if you don't want to, you're going to have to reduce contact (kids dropped at the door, not in the house etc) until he learns to behave.

What an absolute cretin.

TheoriginalLEM · 29/04/2015 21:38

It's not sexual harassment it's assault . who the actual fuck does he think he is

MsCake · 29/04/2015 21:39

Stop seeing him and make alternative arrangements for contact. This is horrible for your kids to witness : their dad repeatedly molesting their mum. He sounds like an arrogant abusive prick. Good luck.

jaynebxl · 29/04/2015 21:39

Don't let him in your house.

whitsernam · 29/04/2015 21:40

Do you have a large male friend or brother, father, acquaintance? Try to get this person to help you with hand-offs..... No need for you to see him at all, actually.

Gintonic · 29/04/2015 21:42

What a disgusting idiot. He is trying to prove that he can still get to you/ do what he likes with you. I would think about having a chat to the police about it. Do you gave formal contact arrangements? You could get some conditions on his contact if he won't stop, eg that he stays in the car while you put the kids in/out.

Jackw · 29/04/2015 22:05

What a horrible man. This is clearly about him showing you that he has power over you. I'm afraid that the only thing that will stop him is to tell him that you will report him to the police for assault and if he doesn't stop, do it. I know that sounds drastic but clearly it's the only power you have over him. What a disgusting bully he is. No wonder you LTB.

ATerribleBeauty · 29/04/2015 23:28

Twat him.

hesterton · 29/04/2015 23:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Yikesivedoneitagain · 29/04/2015 23:44

Thank you! It's all done with a fucking smile, too! Like it's a benign 'joke'.

I've written to him to tell him not to do it again. I am considering police, but don't think he really cares?

It is symbolic of the repeated trashing of my boundaries throughout our relationship. It's sad, I don't think I can be anywhere near him, can I?

I really need him as I don't have formal childcare, but I don't think I can rely on him at all.

Thanks for pointing out about the children - last time I asked him not to do it in front of our son, who joined in saying 'daddy don't hit mummy on the bum'. Can't have them seeing this. Grrr, why can't he be a normal human?

OP posts:

SmillasSenseOfSnow · 30/04/2015 00:16

What an utter scumbag, thank god he's your ex.

I'm afraid I don't really know what options there are but I wanted to express some more support. Definitely talk to the police to see what they can suggest. Handovers at the police station until he finds that so tedious he stops touching you?

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 30/04/2015 00:43

I'd find alternative childcare. If he complains, tell him straight, you think he's a disgusting prick and the thought of being around him, makes you want to vomit.

Tell him that handovers are at a 3rd parties from now on. DONT be alone with him anymore.

minkGrundy · 30/04/2015 00:48

Yy. It is assault. Do you have it in writing that he said he will carry on? I.e. did he reply to your letter/email.

You could get a strongky worded letter from a solicitor but I woukd suggest the police. He is pushing your boundaries. He may take it further. Most sexual assaults are by ppl you already know and so I would be very wary.

Have you looked into other chikdcare options, tax credits and CMS?

TendonQueen · 30/04/2015 00:56

Probably not the best idea in some ways but I go with the kneeing him in the balls camp. Also don't let him in the house. Could you find a self defence class so you could learn to disarm him, as it were, if he tries anything physical and then know you can do it?

Twinklestein · 30/04/2015 01:05

Have you tried grinding a stiletto heel into his foot?

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/04/2015 01:09

He's sexually assaulting you and that is a crime. It's also a very unpleasant and damaging thing to do in front of children. I would be very worried about him escalating this. Talk to the Police.

Hissy · 30/04/2015 07:43

Get formal childcare and don't let him into your home again.

Mrsjayy · 30/04/2015 07:55

You dont need him for childcare get a child minder or drop the children off at his you need to establish your own boundries this is abuse if he has the children dont go into his house or if he is at yours leave as soon as he arrives if he touches you ask him to leave right away.

Inertia · 30/04/2015 08:01

Report to the police for assault - that's what it is

Original poster

Yikesivedoneitagain · 30/04/2015 08:58

Ok guys, this is so, so helpful. I had my boundaries bashed down constantly throughout my relationship. I need a bit of a reboot! It has made me feel vindicated that I made a good decision to LTB, but sad I decided to have children with him!

The difficulty with childcare is that I'm not working, so don't need it regularly but I need occasional care when attending appointments/job interviews etc, and because he is self-employed he can provide it. He is very flexible and helpful on this, but is he making it easy so that he can carry on 'getting' at me?

I think I need to set up proper arrangements and avoid him thoroughly - thanks all.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 30/04/2015 09:05

You need to make some friends whom you can swap care with for the odd appointment or interview. Report this man to the police. Formalise contact. Hand overs only in public. You can't meet him private. 'What you are doing is assaulting me. It's a crime. So I'm going to the police.'

Well done to you for getting away from him.

BastardGoDarkly · 30/04/2015 09:06

Firstly, well done on leaving this particular bastard.

Have you no mum friend you can do childcare favours with? If not maybe set up one day with a child number to get appointments done. On the odd interview day, tell cockchops ex to stay in the car while you bring dc otherwise you may have to consider stopping contact due to his sexual assault.

He says he won't stop doing it unbelievable.

Mrsjayy · 30/04/2015 09:14

If you need him to watch them dont have him in the house he can collect them set up days where he sees them him swaning in and out isnt working for you or the children he has no right to make sexual advances towards you im assuming he thought this was ok when you were together it wasnt then and it isnt now .

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread