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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ex keeps pinching my bum

84 replies

Yikesivedoneitagain · 29/04/2015 21:31

Help! Ex keeps pinching, squeezing and slapping my bum. We have little children so I see him quite frequently. I've told him politely to fuck off. I've told him not politely. Today I lost my shit with him. He says he will keep doing it.

I've already LTB - what now?

OP posts:
VegasIsBest · 14/05/2015 07:49

Well done for sticking up for yourself and reporting him. Why do you feel guilty? You'd made it clear this was unacceptable behaviour and yet he carried on. The only one who should feel guilty is him - and hopefully he is starting to do that now. Hold your head high and be proud of yourself.

Lweji · 14/05/2015 09:21

It is belittling and a form of control. He is telling you he can do it, to you. And that way he feels in control of you, even though you dumped him.

WellErrrr · 14/05/2015 09:35

Urgh.

Glad you called the police OP. You did the right thing Flowers

loveareadingthanks · 15/05/2015 11:11

You called the police and he was arrested? Wow.

I'm thoroughly impressed with you Grin

Don't feel guilty - if he's lucky this will be a big shock to him and a wake up call that just because you were once in a relationship with someone, you don't have any rights to continually sexually assualt them once that relationship is over. If he's less lucky, he'll be done for it. Which he deserves.

Don't be afraid of his reaction, it was all his own fault, and you don't have to listen to any shit from him.

Arrange something else for child's pick up and drop off.

Talk to the police about an order to stop him harrassing you/contacting you about anything other than child contact.

OTheHugeManatee · 15/05/2015 11:17

Well done, OP! No need to feel guilty. He repeatedly sexually assaulted you, in front of your children, and you reported him to the police who have done what the police should do, ie arrest him for committing a crime. You are absolutely in the right and have nothing to feel sad about.

Keep your chin up. You are SO much better than this tosser.

FeelTheNoise · 15/05/2015 11:26

You've absolutely done the right thing! How dare he???

He was teaching your children some very bad lessons, that this is how to intimidate a woman. Angry

rumbelina · 15/05/2015 11:26

You must have felt really trapped by this, how horrible.

rumbelina · 15/05/2015 11:26

(for you I mean)

TRexingInAsda · 15/05/2015 11:36

Yay! I'm sorry you feel low about it, but you really shouldn't at all. He kept sexually assaulting you in front of your young children - this man is a complete and utter cunt and needed to be stopped. It IS serious and he can't do that to you, or to anyone else. Hopefully the arrest will help him understand that - and help you too as well! You did the right thing, well done.

Original poster
Yikesivedoneitagain · 16/05/2015 20:52

It is serious - but he doesn't think it is! So the next day he bloody wrote to me to say basically 'hi babe, I told the police you're over emotional- jealous and sad I'm so happy. They understood. Let's move on and be amicable x Angry

I feel so powerless! There is fuck all I can do! And he knows it!

OP posts:
confusedNC · 16/05/2015 21:00

And that is more bullying, controlling bullshit in itself!

Delete, don't reply. Don't engage at all. If he touches you again then police again or ask solicitor about a court order.

confusedNC · 16/05/2015 21:02

They're such wankers!! Sorry but my ex has sent me bullying bullshit emails too today. I'm a,bit ranty Angry

Jengnr · 16/05/2015 21:04

Bollocks they did. He's a prick. Call them and ask for follow up.

And call them every time he does it.

CrabbyTheCrabster · 16/05/2015 21:12

He's an abusive cunt, he's playing with you and he's lying.

Don't fall for it. Ring the police back, tell them exactly what he said and ask for that to be logged as ongoing evidence of harassment. Ask also for confirmation that he wasn't told that his sexual assault was 'understood'.

RandomMess · 16/05/2015 21:13

I am so glad that you've reported it. If he dares to do it again, report him again.

OTheHugeManatee · 16/05/2015 21:13

He's lying. Call the police as Crabby says.

SolidGoldBrass · 16/05/2015 21:20

Cut all contact with this man, have it logged that as he is a sexual predator he is not safe around the children.
Because a man who feels as entitled to engage in repeated sexual assaults as this shitbag does is potentially dangerous to children. And inform the police of the text he sent.
You should be able to get a non-molestation order against him which forbids him to come near you. He is not above the law and has no rights at all over you, and it's about time he got forcibly reminded of this.

HangingInAGruffaloStance · 16/05/2015 21:20

Keep all texts, don't delete anything!

Make sure the police know you can evidence that you've asked him to stop (which supports that you aren't just making it up).

YonicScrewdriver · 16/05/2015 21:31

He will lie lie and lie again. The police did not agree with him.

Vivacia · 16/05/2015 22:37

Bollocks they did. He's a prick. Call them and ask for follow up.

This. He may well have tried that line, but I find it very difficult to believe they believed him ffs.

Lweji · 16/05/2015 23:33

That text is part of the abuse, and I would assume anything he says about anything is a lie.

Do contact the police about what happened and the outcome. Look into no contact orders or injunctions (whatever they are called legally).

I hope you stop contact with him.

tribpot · 16/05/2015 23:50

You were going to make sure all handovers involved a third party, what happened with that?

Don't reply to his text and don't ever feel like he's beaten you. Everything he has done is a crime. If you still have the gross photos, tell the police about this too. Don't believe anything he tells you - I'd lay odds this is not what the police said to him. Don't engage. Starting videoing your encounters - do it openly and say you are recording them for evidence.

petalsandstars · 17/05/2015 07:33

Don't delete and don't reply. This is further harassment intended to cause you alarm and distress. Call 101 with your previous log number and ask them for an update. Tell them he is now harassing you via text and you want to add it to your complaint. Stay strong he's talking bollocks! !

Thebluedog · 17/05/2015 07:57

That's bullshit and the police would never say that. It's all part of his abuse. You've taken some control off him by reporting him and he doesn't like it so he's trying to get it back.

Just text back and say you'll be keeping all text, emails etc for future reference should the police need to see it.

Thebluedog · 17/05/2015 07:58

Actually I think Petal is right. Report his latest text to the officer you originally spoke to. It's further harassment