Feel like OW has stolen my life

[Xan1]

So about 18 months ago I discovered my husband's affair. Divorce underway.
He's still with OW so they've been together for about 2 years.
Anyway, on the surface I've moved on. Have kick started my social life, doing a reasonable job of being a single parent and have a newish boyfriend.
However, H has recently introduced OW to the kids (primary age) and now they spend their contact weekends with her or round at the 'new' grandparents ( OW's family live locally, unlike mine). They've booked a 'family' holiday all together for the summer.
I know rationally it's good that my kids get on with her, and that she's nice to them.
But inside I actually fucking hate her (and H). It feels like she's stolen my husband and my kids and my family life and has gotten off entirely scot-free.
I know I ought to take the high road and pretend not to care but it's like another knife in the back every time I hear about their fun weekend with OW. :(

LL0015.... Yes seriously no affair, the split was mainly mutual, probably slightly more ex wanting to split than me at the time. But I know now it was for the best.

Was just wondering how people feel of new partner/family in general.
Don't want to hijack though.

I would echo finding friends to holiday with. My friends got me through the break up as family were miles away. They helped me do the house up, with childcare when I got a job and just listened when I needed to vent. We did lots of child friendly cheap things and caravan holidays which the children remember fondly. When contact settled into a regular routine I began to enjoy my free time .

I'm going to actively remember the title of this thread so that the next time one of those 'I'm having an affair/relationship with a married man' or 'I'm married and am having feelings/relationship with someone else' threads comes up on MN and the libertarian idiots start wading in with their excuses about how 'having an affair isn't the worst thing you could do', 'it takes two to tango' 'children will get over it as long as you're amicable' etc etc yadda flipping yadda; I will just say READ THIS FLIPPING THREAD and see how bloody 'harmless' having an affair is! Let them see how much pain it causes.

There was a time a woman or man would be shunned for having an affair - it could even affect their prospects at work. Unfortunately those days are over as society thinks excluding anybody for any behaviour is wrong. Which group has all the vitriol directed at them ion stead yep the 'Single Mum' If they were married they should have worked harder at it, if not well you got what you deserved.

I really do sympathise with you all. My father had an affair, and moved the OW in in less than a fortnight. 6 weeks later she was pregnant. I have a relationship with my father now 30 years later, but it screwed our family up and we patched it, but it was never the same. My brother has moved 350 miles away and doesn't speak to our father now. The OW family were awful, trashy people with no moral standards what-so-ever and having to spend time with them was hell.

But karma does happen, ladies although it takes time! 15 years later they split when my father had another affair (emotional this time) she didn't leave gracefully like my mother, tried to take him for everything and wrecked every room in the house because she couldn't stay and had no rights.

Sadly she now has cancer (which I felt sad about, I never hated her) when I asked my father whether he would try and build bridges with her for the sake of my two younger sisters, he said he will never talk to her again and frankly it was 'as if he'd heard a brief aquaintance was ill' and he was completely unconcerned.

He still comes round my mums to see my sisters children and sometimes eats dinner there. He told me recently, if he knoew then what he knows now he would never have ended the marriage with my mum, which makes me and sad at the same time.

Heads up ladies you will always be loved more guaranteed. Children find out everything later and come to their own conclusions x

Btw my ex married the other woman and had a baby within 18 months of me discovering the affair! I am speaking from a place of understanding and experience.

Delia, legally you have no right stoping the father of your children taking them on holiday unless there are access issues. He is the father after all. My Stnxh hasn't done that yet and I know it will hurt me but I wouldn't stop my children holidaying with their father - the children would lose out them and I would never do that whatever I think of their deceitful father.

Well luckily my youngest was born before december 2003. My youngest wouldn't want to go. I have to strike a balance between encouraging him to go for a few days, and letting him know that if he does decide that he really doesn't want to go, I would support that. I don't want the children to think that I would force them to go because their dad would instantly refuse to pay maintenance if they didn't go. So, I try to make sure they know it's their decision. But foreign holidays scare me. Those two little children, Christy and Bobby,,, all I can think of is their two gorgeous little faces when I think of my children going away with just their dad and his wet lettuce girlfriend.

I mean my eldest was born before december 2003.

ps, also, my situation was different so maybe I shouldn't confuse the issue. My x didn't cheat but he was abusive to me. Not to the children but I do sometimes feel, am I missinng the wood for the trees? there is so much pressure to honour the children's right to a relationship with their father, and I do agree with that and I want him to be a better man and try a bit harder. But then, other times I think, omg what have I done? the children are with a man who tried to strangle me. That was the worst thing he ever did to me. There was lots and lots of pushing and shoving and name-calling. he was a bastard to me. Emotionally, financially, verbally, physically and to a lesser degree (sex pesting) sexually abusive. It was a total nightmare for me, but my chidlren think he's all right. So off they go to his house. And I do worry. Sometimes. At two am when they're not at my house I wake up and think about how he often used to scream at me all night long, call me names, all night long. How I could do nothing right. How the criticism was relentless. And I wonder, how can that person be a good father? They do seem him for a few days about five times a year though.

Sorry for the de-rail. My situation is different from on this thread.

I agree with you Dellia and can see why you don't want them going n holiday with their father.

I do agree that I find it hard that it is all about the children's rights sometimes I just think what did I do to deserve all of this and having another woman spend time with my children.

It is hard.

OP, it's only been 18 months since you found out about the affair and everything's still understandably very raw for you. If it's any consolation, and I know it's a cliche, time really does help with this.

Last ex cheated on me and moved in straight away with OW. I obsessed for a couple of years, even after I had new DP. Consumed with anger. It faded, gradually, and while I still grind my teeth about them now and then, I don't feel that same hurt and anger.

In a way I feel sorry for the OW now. OW is stuck with ex who I've since found out is a serial cheater - he cheated on his first wife (not with me), and get this, he was cheating on me and OW right around the time the affair came into the open. A good snoop showed he'd just started meeting up with yet another woman when he travels on business.

So she got what should have been my life all right, and thank god she's got it and not me. Thank god you are no longer stuck with an arsehole who thinks it's ok to cheat. chances are he'll cheat on her someday. I really believe once a cheater, always a cheater.

My ex moved in with another woman and never saw his seven year old for five years . He married the one he left me fo them married another woman last year and went to Australia for a new life . He left twelve years ago but suddenly paying for our daughter to go there ( she is now 21) I feel he is trying to persuade her to live there . I don’t believe in Karma as good things happen to the good, the bad and vice versa . This man has now been married four times been a violent alcoholic and now has a new life and no money worries and own home (hers)
We lost ours and rent . That is not Karma that is life .

I completely get it op. And I always thought there was karma and justice but sometimes I think its a matter of waiting. However, someone who is capable of cheating is capable of cheating again and there may always be that insecurity in their marriage always hanging over them.

newbieman1978-you say it works well that she never found someone else from a selfish point of view. Can I ask you this from a male perspective-Is part of that also that it would be hard for you to accept her being with/falling in love with someone else too?

Zombie Thread from 2015

So what ?

I was on this thread back then.. Interesting that it's popped up again. It doesn't matter that it's 4 years old, the exact same shit is still happening to people who come and post on here almost every day. I'm well past moving on. New relationship, house and job but I still resent the fuck out of my ex for leaving me to do all the hard work. He's a typical eow dad, entirely his choice not to be 50/50 and paints me as bad because I don't rejoice in the 'privelege' of parenting alone, working full time and keeping all the plates spinning. Twat.

I feel you, OP. In my case, the OW was in our home every weekend after our daughter was born, trying to tear our family apart right under my nose, all because she wanted what I had: my partner and a child, my child. She won him over, which wasn't hard seeing I was fat, exhausted and hormonal. I've missed out on being a family with someone I thought was the love of my life.

Yes, maybe your ex and her might have a baby, but he's a cheater and probably always will be. Let her bask in his "amazingness", but I'm sure it'll all sink in one day that he cheated on you with her, so what will stop him doing it again?

Honestly, you're not missing out. Grab the popcorn, sit back, and watch the car crash that will soon take place. And hopefully by that point you'll be in such a good place that you won't care!

@Realisticmomma.... people generally don’t like committing to zombie threads as there is very little chance of the OP discussing. Much better to start a new thread and get responses