porn - is there 'normal' usage levels

[kate00001]

I've been with my H for 20 years. We have DCs. Last year before fathers day I looked at his Google search history to buy him a part for his specialist hobby as a surprise. And there it was, he looks at a certain type of porn - up to several times per day. A type that is not like me or our relationship. Always the same type. I can't help but check now. For the past year it's always 1-2 times per day. Occasionally more. Our relationship isn't good and hasn't been for a while. We still have sex but only 1 - 2 times per week. Am I just a 'image' that he wants to keep up? Is the porn what he really wants or are fantasies just that and not what you want in real life?

Kate it's ok to change your mind. Especially in 20 years.

The level of sex you're having is on the high side. And he's watching porN. I couldn't be with someone so obsessed with sex. Seriously, there's other body parts, other things to do. It's a complete turn off when someone's that single minded. If you're not happy please think about what you want in 5, 10, 20 years. Is it this?

I don't think there is normal levels of use.

As porn watchers ourselves, our levels of watching vary.

I think the key question instead is, 'is porn use negatively impacting the relationship?'

For some, any porn would be a yes, for others multiple times a day/week/month/year wouldn't be.

So Kate what's the important issue for you? That you aren't the type of woman he is looking at? Or is it that he watches porn?

Also when you say he looks at it twice a day - is it twice a day for 5mins each time or is it twice a day for 4hrs at a time?

Just speculating of course, but he could be checking what videos or pictures have just been uploaded. Some of the more popular sites have so much content going up, that an enthusiast could miss something new that appeals to them, especially if their tastes are quite specific.

Fucking. Hell.

I think it's the amount of porn and type. I don't feel I can have an issue about him using it at this late stage (even though I do). I can't tell how long he uses it for, just the time which is usually the minute I walk out the door to work, even if we have had sex an hour before and then on the afternoon. So close together makes me think im not really satisfying him. Seeing this written down is uncomfortable. Im not ok with it.

When it comes to matters of sex you can change your mind any time you want OP.

So close together makes me think im not really satisfying him.

Porn use isn't about sexual satisfaction.

Viv, sorry I really don't understand, what is it then?

Kate your dHs use of masturbation isn't anything to do with you satisfying him, everyone masturbates or they have done at some point in life - it's absolutely normal behaviour - i would imagine for most it doesn't mean their sex life doesn't satisfy them.

This is a serious question - What do you want him to do? What would be acceptable for you?

What ever you're comfortable with.

An old BF used to use porn. We used to have sex 3-4 times a day for about 2 years. He was really good company and just one of those people who just seems to want and able to have sex pretty much at the drop of the hat. I guess the pron use gave me a bit of break.

Another short lived BF would have trouble doing it once a fortnight. And then for a very brief period only.

People are different and have different needs.

I meant that it says more about his attitudes towards women and their role in the world than it does about sex.

I.e. you could be having sex with him 3 times a day, and he would still choose to masturbate over videos.

I take it that there's nothing about the content or nature of the videos that concerns you?

I think his use is quite excessive.. I use it a couple of times a week and what I watch is not what I want in real life.. Like others have said it's just fantasy. Twice a day does seem a lot though, especially when you feel your sex life/relationship is suffering.

Regardless of whether it's porn or not, something like this that takes time away from your relationship, makes you less "available" and is a complete secret that leaves the other partner confused, is unhealthy.

I consider myself "normal", & don't feel the need to watch others having sex on the Internet or anywhere else. So normal people with a moral upbringing, don't watch any.
I know of a case of young 4 year old boy, sexually asulting a 4 year old girl, at school, after watching porn at home whilst his parents were watching it.

Actually flatbellyfella you're not normal - if you define 'normal' as being like everyone else.

Many, many men watch a lot of internet porn. The statistics speak for themselves: 68% of adult men watch porn at least once every week, 39% watch 3-5 times a week; around 3% watch it several times a day.

And do some Googling: it's across all demographics, including those with 'a moral upbringing.

I'm not defending porn BTW - just saying it's now pervasive.

ToYou I think you are conflating "normal" with "commonplace"

it is normalising porn that has massively contributed to it now being so pervasive and a common way that vulnerable teenagers are learning about what they think is normal sex

porn is not normal sex, which is what I think FBF is saying

Oh wow, I didn't realise I wasn't normal and didn't have a moral upbringing. Thanks for letting me know, I feel so silly!

LOL Joysmum me too. Let's go sit in the perv corner on the sofa of lustful sins.

Mature

Watching porn does not mean you have not had a moral upbringing! What a fucking stupid thing to say. Not all porn is hard core and plenty of it is merely erotic and people just having sex.

Well, you would say that, wouldn't you ?

Have you got a link demented?

Can't copy and paste on this lady but there have been quite a few I have watched which aren't about people being abused, or teens, or torture, or any of the other stuff which is admittedly out there but not to my taste. Some of it is just people having sex. Really. You do have to be selective though