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Original poster

Who should pay for Hotel?

57 replies

TommyandGina · 24/04/2015 12:19

Ex P stays with his girlfriend frequently at the weekends. She lives 125 miles away. He wants me to take ds there for the weekend and pay for my own hotel so he can take ds out for the day, and I can have him back in the evening.

I'm not sure I want to pay for 250 miles worth of fuel and a hotel, when I said this to him he got all defensive and made out as though I couldn't be bothered to make any effort. I have always tried to keep things civil between us, always make him a meal if he comes over and am still sociable with his parents. The weekend before this I have to attend his mothers birthday party (another 250 mile round trip and hotel bill)

I don't think I'm being unfair but would like your opinions please. Apologies for any typos, am trying to do this on phone.

Ithink his words were

OP posts:
Jackie0 · 24/04/2015 12:22

Can he not just look after him for 24hr day, like you do.

Original poster
TommyandGina · 24/04/2015 12:29

Not easily, he could manage if he had to but DS has only met girlfriend briefly once so would be too much for him to stay there. Ds has disabilities and used a wheelchair and exP might struggle to manage him.

OP posts:
colafrosties · 24/04/2015 12:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BathtimeFunkster · 24/04/2015 12:32

That is a ludicrous suggestion.

His relationship with his girlfriend is nothing to do with you.

Chrysanthemum5 · 24/04/2015 12:33

Your ex is choosing to go 125 miles away to see his girlfriend. Fine that's up to him but you don't have to run your life around his plans.

You sound lovely, and it's clear you want your ds to see his dad but you can't make it happen if your ex isn't putting effort in.

You manage to look after your child why can't he?

GlitzAndGigglesx · 24/04/2015 12:36

Why can't he survive a weekend away from his gf or take ds up with him and stay in a hotel with him?

cestlavielife · 24/04/2015 12:36

your ex is taking the piss.

if he cant manage him then he cant have him.

but - you say he can if he has to. so tell him to take responsibility and take him with him.
your ex could stay with him in the hotel if ds cannot stay at the GF. they can still spend the day together.

if he cant do that or you feel ds safety is compromised then he sees ds by picking him up from yours and staying local.

also you do not have to attend his family party. if it involves a lot of travel and cost. just say no.

cestlavielife · 24/04/2015 12:37

do you have other paid carers? your ex could pay that person to take ds etc if he cannot mange alone... [but if you can, why cant he?]

cestlavielife · 24/04/2015 12:38

so your question is wrong - it isnt who should pay hotel but should you travel all that way in the first place!
you should not be going all that way - unless there is some benefit to you....i cant see any?

Lovingfreedom · 24/04/2015 12:40

The whole idea is ludicrous. Say no

HazleNutt · 24/04/2015 12:44

About time for your Ex to learn to manage his own child. The idea that you should make a 250 mile trip so he can hang out with his girlfriend is totally absurd. If he only wants to have DS for the day, he should be the one driving to you to pick DS up.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 24/04/2015 12:44

I guess that access arrangements to date have been informally arranged. I would now consider formalising this.

I would also say that you sound lovely but I also think he is trying to walk all over you.

Why do you have to attend his mother's birthday party at all?. Is this primarily for your son's sake?.

RubyMay82 · 24/04/2015 12:46

Tell him to poke it !
Fair enough taking him 125 miles away spend with the new mrs if you're comfortable with that but absolutely ridiculous expecting you to chaperone & leave yourself out of pocket !
If the new mrs is so keen for family time she should head 125 miles in your direction & shell out for accommodation!

AmyLeeha · 24/04/2015 12:51

Your ex has a duty towards his son. That does not extend to you doing a 250 mile round trip to facilitate his love life. The girlfriend could come to his. Or he could not see her. Either way, it's his problem to sort it, not yours - and it's not even about money, although that's clearly a factor.

HazleNutt · 24/04/2015 12:53

I am trying to imagine in what world is not wanting to spend your weekends sitting in a hotel in a random town, so your ex can shag his girlfriend, "not wanting to make any effort"

molyholy · 24/04/2015 12:57

Cheeky get

Twinklestein · 24/04/2015 13:01

Absurd. I would stop making a meals for him too. You don't have to go to his mother's party either.

How did the relationship end?

Roomaloo · 24/04/2015 13:02

Yanbu. He wants you to drive 250 miles and pay for a hotel for the privilege of "babysitting" your son. Tell him where to go

magoria · 24/04/2015 13:09

It is his responsibility to organise seeing his DC not yours.

He is massively entitled expecting this of you.

Put the ball for seeing his own child firmly back with him where it belongs.

FenellaFellorick · 24/04/2015 13:12

That's ridiculous of him. How has he allowed himself to be so out of touch with his own child's needs that he cannot manage him alone?

He needs to remedy that. He is his father. He should be just as capable as you and he should be ashamed that he is not, not acting like you are at fault for not paying to allow him to continue to be an inadequate parent.

Rather than pay or ask him to pay, you should be telling him that and to sort himself out!

Lovingfreedom · 24/04/2015 13:15

It's simple..he wants to see the child, he arranges the travel and logistics...you don't need to get into a big debate about what it all means about him as a parent etc.

TeaForTara · 24/04/2015 13:16

Ditto what pp have said - I think it's totally unreasonable of him to ask you to travel 125 miles and sit around in a hotel waiting while he takes your son out, EVEN IF he is paying for the hotel AND the travel. But expecting you to fund it?

You should just laugh in his face. And reconsider what else you are doing for him. He is treating you like a doormat and walking all over you.

Zhabi · 24/04/2015 13:29

Why can't xp and his gf travel close to you and they stay overnight in a hotel so that your son can have his home comforts?

honeyroar · 24/04/2015 13:32

I'd tell him that he needs to do more to introduce the girlfriend to his son and prepare arrangements for having him overnight/the weekend. When that happens you will drive your son there and he can return him. Until then, he and his girlfriend can come to your area and stay in a hotel. I'm all for as much being done as possible for fathers to spend time with their children, but he is taking the piss!

Original poster
TommyandGina · 24/04/2015 13:33

Wow, so many responses, thank you. I'll just put the shopping away and I'll be back to answer them Grin

OP posts: