Still not achieved the BIG DREAM ! Have you?

[upandaway]

Life is ticking by and I am still not yet where I want to be.

Have decent Dh,lovely kids,ok home etc but just havent achieved what I had hoped for.
I wanted to be, well, er, I dunno, just somebody I could be proud of.

Everything is just mundane and DULL DULL DULL.

Why aren't I in Africa helping poverty stricken villages, or being self sufficient, or a Professor by now lecturing people on nuclear energy.

I am just a boring old Mum in her thirties who has not achieved anything and I feel crap about it!

Do any of you think the same?

yes i still don't know what to do when i grow up

no because by being a mum you have achieved by bringingthem up wellyou have definitly achieved it just my not be what you wanted for yourself. remember sometimes just smiling at someone can change their day and you would never know

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aww Gothicmama thats nice thing to say.
Thanks.

But thats exactly it, and I am for the first time in 11 yrs of parenting trying to decide what I should do now. Its like its my turn and I dont know what I want to do anymore.

I am a Mum not the old me.

plus it all has to fit in with Dh and kids doesnt it.

Mellowma, what shall we do when we get there?

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OH HELP ME BEFORE I DIE OF BOREDOM!!!!!

you tried timebank or a local voluntary org it could help give you direction whilst doing something worthwhile. I still struggle sometimes with teh fact the old me has gone adn I have to consider others now

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'Everything is just mundane and DULL DULL DULL.'

Yes, much of life is mundane and dull.

Even when I lived in a place w/no running water or electricity and was self-sufficient, there was a lot of dullness.

I'm really, really glad my parents prepared me for this, b/c I feel VERY sorry for those to whom this comes as a shock and a disappointment.

When really, that's just life.

I mean, what do people expect? For it all to be like some movie or book? Duh! People write those books and movies to sell them so they can make money and live their lives. It's a fable.

As for 'achieving', I used to think that whole concept as I understand it was American.

Now I see where they got it - from their English forefathers. Living here, I've seen in so many ways that the apple didn't fall very far from the tree.

Achievement comes from being content in oneself and w/who one is, so does happiness.

Sometimes, when I think about how I spend every month living paycheque to paycheque and in debt, threads like this remind me that it could be worse: I could have made it to my 30s w/some really unrealistic expectations.

What I meant expat was that I feel I Could or Should be doing more and I dont necessarily mean for ME (although I do think that is how you have misinterpreted it)

I admire you then Expat, as I assume from what you write that you are wholly satisfied with your own contribution to the world.

I have never met anyone in real life like you before.
You are one lucky person.

So go and do it then!

If that's what you feel, then start making tracks, however small - volunteer in a charity shop a couple of hours a week, take a course or two at Open U to get closer to that PhD, etc.

Why should a person feel guilty about living a normal life?

What's so admirable or 'lucky' about that?

If you're not content w/yourself, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

I'm not.

So I'm slowly but surely doing stuff to change it.

upandaway
I totally know what you mean. I keep thinking - ARGH - this is life, not a rehearsal, I'm going to die at the end of it and what am I doing? I see other people, 'living their lives' and I sometimes feel that mine is going on around me, so so quickly, time is passing by as if it's speeded up. I know I'm bright, with lots going for me, so why aren't I contributing more? I know what you mean, I really do. And expatinscotland - you're right, we should do something. But these things are in stages. First of all you have to absolutely pinpoint what you're NOT doing if you know what I mean. Do we want to learn more, give me, volunteer, move house blah blah blah. I dunno.
Am pissed.
Will think about it in bed.
xxx

My cousin was telling me today that her teenage dd is trying to decide between becoming an architect or a police officer when she's older.

I'm almost 30 and I still haven't decided what I want to be when I grow up

At the moment I'm the mum of two girls and I work part time, but sometimes I have days when I feel I should be or could be doing more, but I just can't figure out what that should be.

It's not so rare, feeling good about what you do in life. The dissatisfaction comes from not accepting that life is only what you make it. If you are living a life where you love and are loved you're getting there; if you feel that you matter to people and you have influenced them or are influencing them (even in so far as you make people happy with things you do/say); if you trying your best, then i don't really see what else there is.

I agree with expat in some ways that somehow we're so influenced by the wider world (esp the media) to think that your life is not importnant unless you've acheieved something that is recognised by money or celebrity or status. That's all bollocks. But if you're not content, it's up to you to do something about it, as long as you're not trying to attain the unattainable. the richest, most talented, most revered people spend their whole lives looking for one thing really, and that's to be happy. and maybe happiness is actually contentment.

upandaway - you have just hit the nail on the head for me - I think I am feeling just the same as you.
Am going through a right time of it at the moment. Wondering if I am sure that I have finished having as many children as I want, wondering if I have gone back to work at the right time (after being a SAHM for 7 years) etc etc etc.
Something doesn't feel right and I don't feel like I have found myself since becoming a mum.

I feel like I'm living my dream, but some days it is dull, that's life.

I was a dental nurse/receptionist for 15 years before dd came along, so I'v done my bit for my career.

I babysat, helped friends out in all sorts of ways, helped out at a hopice on charity days, so I feel like I've made some sort of contribution.

Now to my dream, I have a lovely dh, a gorgeous dd and live in Oz. Ok, so I go to the beach 3 times a week, but I still do housework, shopping, cooking, putting dd to bed....Because that's all life is, really! It doesn't matter where you are, or what you do, there will always be dull days.

Saying that though, you are the only who can change it, life is as dull or as exciting as YOU make it.....

I feel like I have spent my entire life looking out for everyone else except for myself - both kids and my family. I need to decide what I want!

Sparkler thats it exactly.
Being a Mum will not end obviously, and of course I am proud of them and hope I have helped to make them good little people. The ultimate in job satisfaction.

But I have reached the next stage in life and am contemplating what's next?
The last time i did that I was a 17yr old and the world was my oyster!

This time, choices are limited due to kids, dh's job and less brain cells than before!! I am also a very different person now.

Its like the next step, but in which direction?

I think that there are some of us who will never feel that sense of fulfillment, we will always feel that there should be something else that we're not achieving. I'm one of those people, and I understand what you mean upandaway. Even though I know that on paper I've achieved a lot, it is still never good enough, and I think that that feeling will never go away.

belgo what do you feel has been your greatest achievement to date?

My biggest acheivement is getting both girls into bed my 7.30 every night

by 7.30!