Still not achieved the BIG DREAM ! Have you?

[upandaway]

Life is ticking by and I am still not yet where I want to be.

Have decent Dh,lovely kids,ok home etc but just havent achieved what I had hoped for.
I wanted to be, well, er, I dunno, just somebody I could be proud of.

Everything is just mundane and DULL DULL DULL.

Why aren't I in Africa helping poverty stricken villages, or being self sufficient, or a Professor by now lecturing people on nuclear energy.

I am just a boring old Mum in her thirties who has not achieved anything and I feel crap about it!

Do any of you think the same?

It helps if I have some sort of ten year plan to achieve the minimum of what I want in those ten years (I've recently turned thirty hence the zelf reflection).
I know what my biggest failure is : not driving. But as for biggest acheivement - that would make a really good thread don't you think? What's your biggest failure and biggest achievement?

if not driving is your biggest failure, youre not doing too badly.

I'm trying to remember the words to that suncream song by Baz Luhrman a few years back - it goes something like 'the most interesting people I know still don't know what to do with their lives at age 42' and I find that absolutly true. Wish I could find the lyrics to that song.

Here you go
"Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ?99
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be
it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by
scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable
than my own meandering
experience?I will dispense this advice now. Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not
understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you?ll look back at photos of yourself and
recall in a way you can?t grasp now how much possibility lay before
you and how fabulous you really looked?.You?re not as fat as you
imagine. Don?t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing
bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that
never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm
on some idle Tuesday. Do one thing everyday that scares you Sing Don?t be reckless with other people?s hearts, don?t put up with
people who are reckless with yours. Floss Don?t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you?re ahead, sometimes
you?re behind?the race is long, and in the end, it?s only with
yourself. Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you
succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements. Stretch Don?t feel guilty if you don?t know what you want to do with your
life?the most interesting people I know didn?t know at 22 what they
wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year
olds I know still don?t. Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees, you?ll miss them when they?re gone. Maybe you?ll marry, maybe you won?t, maybe you?ll have children,maybe
you won?t, maybe you?ll divorce at 40, maybe you?ll dance the funky
chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary?what ever you do, don?t
congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either ? your
choices are half chance, so are everybody else?s. Enjoy your body,
use it every way you can?don?t be afraid of it, or what other people
think of it, it?s the greatest instrument you?ll ever
own.. Dance?even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room. Read the directions, even if you don?t follow them. Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly. Get to know your parents, you never know when they?ll be gone for
good. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the
people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you
should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and
lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you
knew when you were young. Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live
in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel. Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will
philander, you too will get old, and when you do you?ll fantasize
that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were
noble and children respected their elders. Respect your elders. Don?t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,
maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one
might run out. Don?t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will
look 85. Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who
supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of
fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the
ugly parts and recycling it for more than
it?s worth. But trust me on the sunscreen? "

Thanks blackduck, you're better at googling then me!
This is the line:

the most interesting people I know didn?t know at 22 what they
wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year
olds I know still don?t.

No reason your ex's job should come before yours though, is there? He shoudl fit in with you as much as you fit in with him. Who wa that famous comedian, Stevenson, who let his wife go off for a year(?) on a small boat in the Pacific whilst he held the fort at home? Spouses let their other halves have sabbaticals and do other things from time to time.

I am happy with what I achieved. Love my work and stuff. There are still other things I would like to do but I think I can do them. I don't feel constrained.

A lot of mothers with children have started very successful businesses from home for example. Others have written books. Some have gone on to pursue interesting careers. It just takes one step at a time to do those things.

Also there is nothing morally wrong with a life spent serving others and having good relationships with our spouse and children are probably the most important achievement even very successful people would say they had made.

I'm sure you're not boring at all.

Ohh wish I hadn't seen this thread as this has been at the back of dh and my heads and convos recently. I wanted to be a writer and worked as a low key reporter for years which I loved but have never got round to writing the ol' novel and the older i get the more I am convinced I never will. Nothing has gone to 'plan', never meant to be married, middle aged with kids and a mortgage . Never meant to be a SAHM.
But I have 2 p/t jobs which I adore even though they are not 'important' with a capital I. And although there are weekends where I feel that sense of 'everyone else is doing exciting, thrilling things except us - we're just off to the park and doing baking'' on the whole I am happy NOW. And that'll do...
(Though I wish I knew what to do with the rest of my life!)

I think you are all fantastic.
Really dont mean to sound ungrateful for what I DO have, I just wanted the opportunity to see what I was really made of and work towards some childhood dreams. But Dh's job is all consuming away for weeks on end etc so there is no chance for me to do a lot else yet .
Plus as we get older we are realising we dont share the same dreams anymore. He has achieved his with spectacular fashion and while pleased for him, am left going Hmmm? in the background about my own.

Oh God this is making me sound totally self absorbed but honestly I am not usually. Just nice to share secrets with total strangers like you guys!!!

I love that piece. Thanks Blackduck for taking the time to find it. Will print it off and post it up in the loo!

Floatinginthefire thats just what I wish for when I blew out the inferno on my birthday cake this year !!!

I think this problem arises when you start to have too long a perspective. When you are busy bringing up kids or working or simply struggling to get by, you can't see the long view so it's not too troublesome. But once you've got life sorted and have time to look around you, that's when the horrible truth jumps and bites you. And that truth is that life is simply mundane and tedious and once most people no longer have any religious faith, there is nothing else to look forward to after life is done. Joy comes from the little things that you tend to disregard. I look at my life and realise that I'm more than half way through probably and I've done nothing spectacular - but so what? Most of it's been fun and a family is quite an acheivement.

upa, but why did you let that happen, that your husband got to fulfil his dreams and not you? You have an equal right to that and many women do. I don't understand how people let that happen. For many parents the dream is just to be parents of course. I wanted a lot of children and I got that. I want an interesting career and I did that. I wanted to have a nice house and a few other things most of which I've got. I certainly didn't want to be divorced but you can't have everything.

Yep met, too (in ref to the OP), although I would decribe my DH, home etc as more than 'decent' but it can feel a little mundane sometimes. So in September I started a foundation course in nursing and I hope to BE that someone I can be proud of as a stand alone being (not just as a mother, partner, housekeeper etc). I'm working towards it.

(me too_, sorry if my post is a bit illegible, have been for a lunchtime drink...)

Xenia, without boring you to tears:

Had exciting career in prehistoric sciences (dont ask!!)in America. But after 18mths with bf got pg with child who had long term serious illness, now almost perfectly well thank god.
But I gave it all up to look after her f/t and moved back to be near family for help while bf travelled around globe with new job.
10 yrs later here I am mostly alone with 2 more tots. My old job is impossible to pick up where I left off unless back in London.
Whereas bf (now dh)is based in London and spends most of week there.
Hence I dont know where to start again.

and before u ask, he will not move whole family back to London full time .

I could never tolerate living apart from a husband. Lucky him. That's in my terms unacceptable. You could move back to London. Anyway why did you just because you're female have to nurse the sick child rather than it's father? Anyway it's done. So now it's your 10 years or whatever if the husband wants to make things fair. Prehistoric sciences are fascinating. Is there not way back in? We need more people up againts fundamentalist US Christians who say the world is 6000 years old for a start.

ha ha xenia love it !
I nursed sick child as he had no interest in it and would be crap nurse!
I cant tolerate it the living apart thing but what else is there but to split? He earns really good money, more than I realistically ever could so dont see how it will ever actually be my turn really.
Am always trying to find something to fit around him and the kids but cant work from home would get too lonely!
Am really fed up with it all but dont want this to spiral into self pity!!

Floatingonethemed - I love your dream - it's mine too, even down to the colour of the beetle

upandaway - In my opinion it's your dh who has missed out, not you. You dedicated yourself to caring for a sick child while your dh showed little interest. You have acheived something incredibly valuable and worthwhile by being with your children and nursing one of them back to health. Does this not full you with a huge sense of achievement? It's your dh who has missed out. You can always go back to work/studying and have a career if you want to - you'll find a way if it's what you really want - but your dh will never again experence those valuable years that he's missed by working and travelling rather then being with his family.

Trouble is I know what the BIG DREAM is vaguely, but not concretely so don't know how to achieve it - if that makes sense...

belgo, thank you for saying that.Feels so odd seeing that written down in front of me. None of us talk about it now.

I do feel good about being able to help her through it and I feel angry with him I suppose for just not getting the whole thing.
Maybe it was all so consuming for so many years I cant go back to where I started from before if that makes sense?

BUT- I really dont want this to be all about me.
I want to know what makes everyone else satisfied and happy in life.

Apart from getting the kids in bed by 7.30pm what do you still feel you want to aim for Belgo?

Blackduck...go on tell us please?

Do you have any spiritual element to your life?I have practiced reiki and try to live in the day rather than looking too far forward or back.It really helps to stop trying to get 'there'as there is no there only here!What makes you truly happy Do you know?It is worth being grateful of what you have and making even small changes can have a huge impact.

for what you have sorry!