Still not achieved the BIG DREAM ! Have you?

[upandaway]

Life is ticking by and I am still not yet where I want to be.

Have decent Dh,lovely kids,ok home etc but just havent achieved what I had hoped for.
I wanted to be, well, er, I dunno, just somebody I could be proud of.

Everything is just mundane and DULL DULL DULL.

Why aren't I in Africa helping poverty stricken villages, or being self sufficient, or a Professor by now lecturing people on nuclear energy.

I am just a boring old Mum in her thirties who has not achieved anything and I feel crap about it!

Do any of you think the same?

If anyone would like me to be their life coach I'll be happy to oblige...

...you'll end up with some very bad habits, though!

Blimey! Well I seem to have unwittingly opened a can of worms.

Just for the record, for those of you who now assume I am a self absorbed, glass half empty kind of girl.. I'm really not!! Honestly!
Like I said, think I have just spent so long looking after everyone else I am not sure what I want to do now! I simply want to make the most of it all !! This freedom!

Littlewonder, I am read your post with interest, the way you describe the highs and lows, it makes you really FEEL life.

There are many things that my life brings that give me great happiness, from my kids' smiles to clean white washing but I am always striving for new experiences and I want to really live and explore as much as I can on this wonderful planet.

I wanted to other mumsnetters to share their opinions and achievements and am so glad that you have.
It has been pretty inspirational.

gymmie, I just couldn't have done what you've done and I don't regret continuing always to work. But I suppose we make choices and most people don't regret things they chose to do (but do regret things they never did).

Life coaches.... don't we as tax payers pay a lot of money so most of the cabinet have them provided free of charge?

I just think a mumsnetter wanting to earn some money would be better off setting up tomorrow as a life coach charging £100 an hour than seeking work in the local Tesco. People have always loved to pay money to talk about themselves. You can even do it by phone. I've never used one but I know some. It's a bit cheaper just to seek views on mumsnet.

Hmmm Xenia,you seem to be suggesting that being a lifecoach as easy as sitting down and scanning groceries with a vacant look on one's face...

Do you know what,it probably is.

Righto,call to arms of all folks earning minmum wage.

I suppose you need a wide vocabulary, high-ish IQ, an accent that will work with your target market, self confidence, some jargon, read on line some basic rules about what it consists of - I expect you set some targets and plans for your subject. Get your subject to say what she's not happy about and what she might change, give her tasks each week to do, praise her and make her feel good so be good at psychology, have some sort of certificate which I expect you can buy on line from "Life Coaches Dodgy company Inc of California" to give yourself kudos, say you've 20 years experience (bringing up children, working, tolerating a husband probably qualifies you), a persuasive manner and very good marketing skills. I've given a course on life work balance. he he Not hard as long as you can speak. It's nothing to do with the work I do.

We need a real life coach on here to tell me I'm talking rubbish.

Another career better than Tescos option is declutterer. My sister hired one and spent £1000. She had to pay the lady's hotel bills and travel costs. Anyone with arms and a slight bit of brain can set themselves up doing that. Again being able to market is key.

Aaaah Xenia - something we agree on! Life coaching - what a load of cobblers.

Well in a sense it's not. If it makes people feel better to have someone focussing their attention on them (may be better than them taking a lover for example) then it probably does them good evne if just a placebo effect and useful for the life coaches because they make money out of it and feel better about themselves too so win win all round. I just don't like funding the cabinet's life coaches through my taxes.

i havent had chance to read this whole thread but just wanted to add my 2penceworth.

i look at my life in stages, i take one year at a time and think of what i want to achieve for that year and what i have achieved the past year for eg this year i have set up my own business last year i was having a baby the year before that i was working hard to save for having our baby and was enjoying working full time outside the home. next year i will be concentrating on buying a house.

one year i will do getting fit, getting married, holidays etc etc

of course i do other things but those are my main aims and achievements for that particular year iyswim.

by the time im 30 i hope to have a nice home, be married, have had a nice holiday (2 weeks in the sun would be bliss - i havent been abroad since i was 17 and that was for a week)

im happy to do what i can to get by until im 40 and my girls are old enough to do their own thing then i would like to property develop or something just for me. im hoping dp will be on a fair wack by then and i can treat myself and girls to spa days etc

Very cautiously and quietly raising my head above the parapet here...

OK, here goes, I'm a life coach (runs for cover) and have coached a lot of MNers. I don't think any of them have felt ripped off - no one's forcing them to part with their cash, and they all tell me they've found it genuinely helpful.

Some facts, for the record. No, you don't have to be qualified to be a life coach (though I am). There are mickey mouse organisations out there offering training, but many are very good and teach you skills I don't think you could coach properly without. I don't charge anything like £100/hour - currently around £40 per session.

A good coach will give you perspective, will challenge you, will ask questions that get you thinking in a different way, will give you the courage to look at what you really want out of life without judging you, will hold you to account in a way that a friend can't, will have no agenda except to help you to get the best out of your life, and won't talk about herself (or hijack your thread).

It's not for everybody, of course, but it works for a lot of people.

Right, back behind the parapet. Gulp.

That's fine. I didn't say there was anything wrong with them. They must be worth it if most of the cabinet and many senior people in industry and the professions choose to use them. If you have the right skills it's a good job choice for mothers trying to get back into work too.

Sorry, upandaway, we seem to have gone a bit off topic. Over to you again!

Upandaway,

I've been very lucky and have had lots of great opportunities in life to enjoy. I reached my mid thirties before having children and although I'd achieved everything I thought I wanted I was still dissatisfied with my life and had resorted to nice holidays, cars and wine to fill my life.

Then I fell pregnant....quite a shock....but since that time I can honestly say that my life has turned around. The children have given me focus, purpose, love and laughter. They have stretched me further than I ever imagined.

Anyway...what I'm trying to say is that you have achieved so much. Of course you should pursue your own dreams now but don't be down on yourself for not achieving anything.

Ellieorange and Xenia, thanks for including your poems. The Tintern Abbey,in particular, really rang a chord. I do feel some sort of need to grieve or at least have acknowledged that I left behind a really exciting life to have children and that I will never be able to go back to that life or the exciting, up for anything, person that I was because as the original poster says, everything now has to be fitted round dh and children.

On the other hand, I'm not yet looking for "the next thing" since my children are very young and looking after them is a) my own choice and b) the most useful and worthwhile thing I have ever done (as the Tintern Abbey poem says (to me) you grieve for the past but realise your perspective has shifted and widened). However, I can imagine feeling like Upandaway in 10 years time (and starting to try and prevent it now!) but I don't think she is being negative. I think it is a good thing if you are always looking to stretch yourself and say to yourself: fine with what's happened so far but I'm too young to rest on my laurels. Loads of people have done this and more, let's go....".