Basically, I have just discovered by accident that DH is lying to me. It's not another woman (as far as I know, and I think it v unlikely), it's a desire to go and do fun things and not have me shout at him because I feel like he's not pulling his weight.
He is self-employed and I do his admin (I have another job too). I was looking in his work email for a purchase order when I came across something that looked like it was about rugby tickets. He has form for arranging to spend an entire day and evening at a rugby match and not telling me until the very last second because he knows that I get fed up about the amount of time he spends doing that sort of thing. He has been to about six or seven rugby matches in the last few months, which isn't a huge amount of time but he is so frequently away from home at weekends working that it is really sad that he doesn't want to spend at least some of these days with DD when he has the chance. I've never told him not to go or anything, just pointed out that it would be nice to do things as a family occasionally and that DD would like to see him. She is 7 and misses him a lot when he is away.
Anyway, I read the email fully intending to have a go at discussion with him about the rugby and find that this time it isn't rugby, it's a sailing weekend away with the boys. Fine(ish), so far. Bit pissed off that yet again he is clearly waiting to tell me until the last minute and planning to tell him that, but basically I'm OK with it (though I would have made it clear again that I would just like the courtesy of being asked in case I have commitments myself and again, what about DD who would love to spend a whole weekend with him at home).
Then it got a bit worse. I looked at his online diary (this is fine with him, not snooping, he has shared it with me and knows I look at it a lot as he is frequently away from home and travels all over the country and I like to know when he's going to be back etc). He has blocked out those two days with the name of a job on them. I then had a conversation with him about what jobs were coming up and he flat out lied about what he was going to be doing on those days - told me it would be an awful difficult job, in our home city but he would be working all night etc so he wouldn't make it home.
I didn't say anything. I was just so shocked that he would actually lie to me like that. I get that he doesn't want me to shout at him, but honestly, is this not both really deliberately underhand and also just so childish? It is just like a teenager claiming they're going to be at Jane's house so they can secretly go to a party they know you'd disapprove of.
How bad do people think this is? Should I just get over myself and suck it up? Should I confront him? Should I wait until it's over and see if he does in fact tell me about it in advance, or at all? I feel like he's not the person I thought he was. I have since asked him if there's anything he needs to tell me, quite lightly so he didn't suspect I knew and he said not. He booked this in about 12 days ago when we were actually on holiday together so not like he couldn't have mentioned it at the time.
I know compared to some stories on here this is trivial. But I'm just honestly so so shocked. I feel sick.