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Original poster

Has anybody here got married in a registry office without having a Ceremony?

113 replies

BoredAdminGirl · 14/04/2015 13:14

We are thinking of doing it, just doing the legal stuff.

We don't really want any kind of ceremony, just a little celebration afterwards? Is that sad? We are both quite shy people and hate the idea of saying vows in front of everyone!

Thoughts?

OP posts:
blueberrypie0112 · 16/04/2015 08:49

I live in the U.S. (born and raised here and never traveled outside) so that's why i was surprised by it. yes, I think it is outdated

lavendersun · 16/04/2015 09:29

More than outdated Blueberry. I was more than staggered when I found out about it, DH was pretty mortified. Fortunately DH now has another employer so we don't have to put up with all that nonsense.

Back to the thread topic - it sounds like we have all had some very lovely days. Like a lot of people here our choice had absolutely nothing to do with budget, just personal wishes.

StaceyAndTracey · 16/04/2015 09:34

In the 1980 , my ( UK born flat and resident ) flat mate married a US serviceman and she had to have a medical , including chest X Ray !!!!! And some blood tests , in order to get a fiancée visa

lavendersun · 16/04/2015 09:55

Me too, Stacey, here in good old blighty too. Chest x ray, blood tests and vaginal swabs. We were extremely cross about it, but it was the only way to get DH's pension and death benefits, etc., etc.. Makes me furious to think of it even now.

The system doesn't allow any discretion at all mature (as in late 30s), very senior employees or otherwise. Absolutely Horrendous.

The US Government is a very odd machine with some extremely odd and outdated practices .... thankfully we are free of it now.

It was a bloody shock to an independent professional woman of 34 I can tell you. Fortunately, other than the 'tart' test, as we called it here, I never had any other reason to get involved.

StaceyAndTracey · 16/04/2015 09:59

Until now, I thought it was just because she was marrying a serviceman, I thought they were worried about foreigners infecting Americas finest . I didn't realise It was for everyone . Well all women .

lavendersun · 16/04/2015 10:06

No, not all women, DH worked for the government, I gather that it was introduced during the Vietnam war when a young serviceman might fall in love with a local woman. The US government would assume that she was a tart looking to escape her local environment on the back of marrying a US serviceman.

I married in 2004, this is winding me up just thinking about it.

StaceyAndTracey · 16/04/2015 10:08

Ah, this was about 1985 . She was a junior doctor, so indeed quite improverished Grin

lavendersun · 16/04/2015 10:13

Grin Even though I was bloody furious, I felt so sorry for the poor doctor.

DH was many grades higher than this chap. I worked in corporate London and turned up looking very polished from work. The poor man was absolutely mortified at having to do his job!

They are/or were, as we are free, lucky to have us!

Sherlocked221b · 16/04/2015 10:34

I really wish I'd done this. We didn't have a big wedding, but had the ceremony, meal and party... Was so effing stressful! I didn't enjoy the day and to be honest, at the end, thought it was a waste of money.

Congratulations on your wedding OP! Flowers

blueberrypie0112 · 16/04/2015 14:51

I am sorry you had to go through that, lavendersun, It is an embarrassment and hopefully they will change it one day soon.

binspin · 16/04/2015 16:40

DP wants to run away to vegas or gretna green. he would hate all of the any attention.

I'd at least like my children there but guess it rules out vegas Wink

I'd love a big party afterwards.

For people that have done it, what did your families say?

WhisperingPea · 16/04/2015 17:29

Yes almost exactly 25 years ago. We only invited immediate family so about 16 of us. It took 3 weeks to sort from start to finish and the organisation was easy! Went to the registry office, then collected a pre-organised picnic from a local cafe took it to a rural beauty spot and all had a lovely sunny afternoon playing silly games and talking. In the evening we took everyone for a meal at a restaurant. We stayed at a hotel overnight and then off on honeymoon the following day.

It was a lovely chill, smooth and relaxed wedding - the perfect start to married life. Grin.

lavendersun · 16/04/2015 17:38

That sounds lovely Whispering.

Binspin - my mother didn't like it one bit - we didn't care. I am sure other people weren't that impressed too - we didn't care.

We had the day we wanted with our best friends, did the registry office bit, went to a pub by the river for a drink because we were early for lunch and then went to a michelin starred restaurant. We had two cars with drivers so that we could all have a drink and that was it. Done, wouldn't change a thing about it.

Of course you get fewer presents Grin. I hate parties though, am not good at drinking or dancing and am probably not too sociable either!

Jacana · 16/04/2015 18:32

I was a bridesmaid when I was 13,hated it,and decided then that my wedding would be just me and whoever(didn't know about witnesses back then) and that was precisely what happened. O/h, me, and two friends as witnesses. Fab boozy lunch for the four of us after then an open party the weekend afterwards that went on and on and on, started Friday night, last guest left sometime Sunday evening.

Brilliant, it was Grin

Kittykat7 · 16/04/2015 22:02

I did as we were 22 at the time & had no money. I hated it & came home & cried in my wedding day. I have no parents & in laws gave us nothing towards the cost. I had no dress, honeymoon or reception. We were married in a few mins & I just didn't feel married. We had a reaffirmation of vows in Queensland 10 years later. It was the best thing, just DH, DS & me. We wrote our own vowels & got married on the beach. We had a champagne picnic after. If I had known what a registry office was like I would never have done it.

Kittykat7 · 16/04/2015 22:16

Vows not vowels lol

MadeMan · 25/04/2015 17:33

"Vows not vowels lol"

And a consonant please, Vicar...

yangste · 25/04/2015 20:24

We got married in 1984 in a registry office. My husband's parents were never going to come so we saw no point in making a big deal out of it. I hate the idea of being the centre of attention and so does my husband. We didnt invite anyone but told a few friends of whom 5 turned up on the day. I bought a nice suit to wear and my DH surprised me with some roses on the day. We went to the pub afterwards and then to Paris for the weekend. I have never, ever regretted it. One of the guests took a few photos. We did have rings but nothing else.

Pollyswall · 25/04/2015 20:48

My mum and step dad did it, with just me and DH as witnesses. My mum wore a rose that I picked her from my back garden.

They just went home afterwards I think, It was a long time ago.

Plarail123 · 26/04/2015 09:32

We did it, we didn't tell anyone. Just DH, his best mate and mine as witnesses. We didn't have any music or anything, just said the legal words, exchanged rings, signed the register and that was it. Afterwards, we went to a hotel for afternoon tea and stayed there the night. It was perfect!

SimpleSi · 26/04/2015 09:37

You can do it, but still need to say some stuff similar to vows, etc. we did it as we were having a (non legally binding) humanist ceremony later that day. I would be very firm with the registrar that you want the bare minimum. Ours added stuff as she obviously thought our ceremony was too plain.

autumnleaves123 · 26/04/2015 13:30

We did the Registry office do for many reasons. The main one that both our parents are separated, and the idea of bringing everyone under the same roof was the most stressful thing we could have thought of. Also, as we didn't want to leave any family out, we decided to just get a couple of friends and go to a restaurant afterwards.

My parents also live far away, in different countries, so it was practically difficult, expensive and stressful.

I cannot say it was the greatest day of my life as we both found the whole thing a bit forceful and not the way we normally choose to express our love for each other. Weddings have never been something neither of us were particularly drawn to but it was OK. We did it, we are married, life goes on.

Happy ever after? Well, we have our happy times, and our not so happy times, just like everyone else. Even the ones who spent a fortune on their wedding celebrations!

LaChatte · 26/04/2015 15:10

We live in France and did the local equivalent by getting married in the Mairie with a handful of friends and family (I think we were about 14 all together). DH and I were trying really hard not to giggle during the ceremony as there was a massive photo of Nicolas Sarkosy staring down at us. I can't remember what we were asked to say to each other (I'm fluent in French, but didn't understand half of what the lady was saying). We then went back to our flat for a cup of tea and some cake (coffee and walnut, lemon drizzle, and carrot). It was perfect. We are about to celebrate our 7th anniversary.

thestaircase · 26/04/2015 22:15

I'm in the US, so I'm not sure what it called in UK but here in the US two people can get married legally/lawfully at the City Hall/Courthouse.

I got married with my then boyfriend now husband at the Los Angeles Courthouse in the state of California, USA

I married him with nothing. No engagement ring, No wedding reception, No honeymoon. With 2 witnesses: my older brother and my mother in-law.

The reason why I choose the quick and simple Courthouse to get married is because my Chinese mother discriminate against my husband becasue he's Black.
There was no point of me have a wedding because NOBODY on my side of the family going to come. My parents didn't give me their blessing, I don't see any point of have a wedding when nobody on the bride side family going to show up.

I mentioned about my Courthouse wedding in the "Husband have baby fever" thread of mine.
Anyways, we are married and we both happy. He sure have baby fever though, but uh.. I'm not really having baby fever.

I don't know what UK called it, perhaps it called "registry office"?

Anyways, what matter is two people love each others. A big wedding, a small wedding, or get married at the City Hall/Courthouse, "registry office", it doesn't matter. What matter is the commitment between two people. Wedding is only one day, but a marriage is a life time.

thestaircase · 26/04/2015 22:20

And me married my husband result in my Chinese mother disown me. But I have no regrets. If married him means my mom will disown me, then let it be.

If there is reincarnation next life. I don't want to born be a Chinese girl again. It just too much PRESSURE to be Chinese. Pressure from the Chinese traditional culture. Pressure from our Chinese parents. Pressure from the Chinese community. Pressure and pressure.
You can't even freely love someone because your Chinese parents will say it make them lose face.

I'm 30, my husband is 29, we both are grown Adults. We both are Single/Unmarried, No kids. This is first marriage for both of us.
MORALLY there nothing wrong with us be together. But my Chinese mother make it sound like I commit the world biggest sin to be with him.
Our only sin is I'm Asian and he is Black