I escaped an EA, now I'm sliding back.

[dontknowwhereimgoing]

Last October I fled my 20 year marriage and ended up in a refuge. My husband was abusive in many directions and when he turned it on my 4 year old son I ran. I've also been told some of what he did (deliberately trying smash things and throwing things) was physical abuse. I've already sat down and written down what he has done in the past (had to when applying for housing) so I know what he has done. I left refuge in February and moved into temporary housing and have now been offered a housing association house. I really don't know though where I am going. Somehow I'm now back in contact with my ex, we are speaking on the phone most days and I miss him. I've also been giving him money to help him to make ends meet as he's still in the family home with our dog and most of my possessions. (although it's up for sale) I don't have a lot of money only income support and tax credits.

I know he was abusive so why am I now looking back and thinking it wasn't that bad. (when I confronted him he said he may have done some of the things I had listed but I failed to include the circumstances. Many of his behaviours he doesn't realize are not acceptable)

That's good - see and do it as well.

Did you manage to make useful contact with your keyworker/case worker or similar?

I briefly saw my housing support worker this afternoon and got a foodbank voucher. Humiliating to have sunk this low, never had to claim this level of benefits before and I've certainly never used a foodbank before, something to add to the list of how he's made me feel. I hope he's hungry!

Don't be humiliated, dontknow. I give to the local food bank and I certainly don't think of it as charity/Lady Bountiful stuff - just sharing a bit.

Is that phone turned off?

Yes, he has done this to you, you had to flee your & life has got to this level because he has abused you in every way possible, down to the poverty line.
You are responsible now for the future, & that absolutely means without him.
Its hard to feel lonely, & wish that you hadn't drawn a bad card. bit it is what it is. Now YOU can improve it

Hi, it seems as though you still talk to him most days. When he calls why don't you decline his call and post here instead? Have you got a solicitor you could go through? If not why not email instead and try and get out of the habit of talking on the phone?

I've just made a post on another thread which might also help you OP. Do you have an old phone handset lying around at all, or a family member might which you could borrow? If so, when you get your money next, stick your current sim card into that, buy a 99p pay as you go card to put into your phone and give everyone important (school, WA, family, etc) the number for that but not him. You can keep the old phone with your real number turned off and check it once every few days in case he has contact related issues.

Of course if it's simpler to turn the phone off then just do that but this means you can still use it! :)

Saw his number come up earlier and simply didn't answer it! Only issue with basically scrapping Current sim is that it is a contract with unlimited minutes. I think I said earlier in the thread I realise I need to break this contact but I'm still emotionally struggling. Currently not got a solicitor. I did see one a couple of months ago and I've been told unfortunately I don't qualify for legal aid as although I get income support the value of the house that he lives inis taken into account (the fact there's little equity doesn't matter as legal aid only allow 100k for a mortgage regardless of what it really is)

Does he know that you'll have fresh cash in your account tomorrow? (When does it hit - midnight tonight?)

Be very careful.

Brilliant!!! Well done you :)

OK what about an old handset, cheap SIM and give him the number for that, block him on your current phone, say it's broken/blocked/cut off/whatever and give him the PAYG number.

But you're right it's the emotional pull which is the hardest.

Can you speak to the phone company to see if they can issue you with a new number on the same contract? They're not actually linked in any way, it should be relatively trivial for them. Perhaps make the point that you're struggling with contact from an abusive ex (were the police involved at all before?)

You realise you have to use a foodbank because you've been giving your benefits to someone else? That's ludicrous.

Well done on your efforts to avoid contact.

my phone company changed my number free of charge due to harassment - is def worth asking them.