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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I think I've just hit my boyfriend

72 replies

Fannypancake · 12/04/2015 03:14

That what he's said.

Went out for a drink. Not paralytic. 3-4 max. Went to a kcc drive through he said something I can't remember what but I put the music up in the car he told me not to i and turned it down. I did it again. He called me a stupid slag. I hit the bag of drinks up I think it hit him. We shouted. He kicked me out his car. He had my keys so I had to walk a fair dark distance to his house to get them back then home.

I said I'd get his stuff dropped to his tomorrow couldn't face seeing him. He said I punched him twice. I really don't think I did but apologised for hitting the bag if it hit him

Its only been 8 months. It's not meant to be like this

OP posts:
Original poster
Fannypancake · 12/04/2015 03:16

I want to call him I don't want break up but where do we go from here?

OP posts:
DianeLockhart · 12/04/2015 03:20

Break up with him

I can't really make head nor tale of what's happened here but it doesn't sound a good relationship and no it shouldn't be like this 8 months in!

Also has you both had 3 or 4, why on earth were you driving?

aurynne · 12/04/2015 03:22

You both sound extremely immature, how old are you? i don't think you are ready for a relationship at this stage.

Original poster
Fannypancake · 12/04/2015 03:24

He only had one and was driving. I don't want to be one of these cliches but I do really like him. I don't know what happened tonight I really don't. I can't get over him calling me a slag

OP posts:
Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 12/04/2015 03:28

Well, either you're extremely violent and prone to blackouts, or he's gaslighting you. Either way, he's also verbally abusive and cavalier about your safety.

I can't see one reason why you'd think this relationship is going to be a good idea from now on.

passthewineplz · 12/04/2015 03:30

You sound as bad as one another. He said something I'm assuming you didn't like what he said, so you turned the music up, he asked you to turn the music down, so you turned it up. Possible to wind one another up??

He called you a name, you kicked him, so he through you out of the car.

Tbh, this isn't the basis of a good relationship, you both sound volatile. Perhaps take the time to weigh up the pros and cons why you want to be in a relationship with this guy.

Crossfitmyarse · 12/04/2015 03:37

I think perhaps you were much drunker than you think you realise or are admitting. And it sounds like you are not a very nice drunk and you need to grow up.

Original poster
Fannypancake · 12/04/2015 03:40

Maybe. Or maybe it's just because he called me a slag?

OP posts:
aurynne · 12/04/2015 03:47

Fanny, if any boyfriend/partner of mine called me a slag, I would not hit him... I would just leave him. As would any self-respecting person. A child hits back at being called names. An adult refuses to share their life with someone who disrespects them.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 12/04/2015 03:56

The only healthy place you can go from here is to split up. He called you a slag. You lashed out either at the bag or him then he left you upset and drunk to walk home. This is the opposite of a 'keeper' relationship. I know it's hard and I know you're sad but this has the potential to get even worse so put your big girl pants on and walk away. Plus if you regularly lash out as a pattern of behaviour consider going to a counsellor. You might have some childhood boundary issues that you need to work on and coming to terms with them will help you in your next relationship.

minkGrundy · 12/04/2015 04:03

You may have hit him. He may be lying. Either way it is not good.

But you remember him calling you a slag therefore, he is a woman hating privk who does not respect you. Like you say it has only been 8 months. It will only get worse.

You can do better.

giraffesCantBunnyHop · 12/04/2015 04:04

split up

Crossfitmyarse · 12/04/2015 07:17

Well the kind of man that used the word slag (especially when directed at me) is not the kind of man I would be sticking around with for long, in fact he's probably not the sort of man who would have tempted me remotely in the first place, BUT if you were being particularly drunk and obnoxious while he was trying to concentrate on driving perhaps he just got very stressed and annoyed and said something he shouldn't have?

Either way, it's not a reason to hit him. You both sound like you need to grow up and stop being so disrespectful towards one another. Perhaps it would be best if you split up.

Rebecca2014 · 12/04/2015 07:36

Look this guy called you a slag because you dared to change the volume on the radio. Yes you shouldn't have lashed out but then he kicks out a lone woman from his car to walk home alone in the dark.

I don't know how old you are but I was in an passionate,volatile relationship and they always end badly. I am sure this isn't the only incident you two have had so walk away now.

LynetteScavo · 12/04/2015 07:45

No it's not meant to be like that, and he's not your boyfriend anymore.

Have his things dropped off, job done.

In the future avoid men who use words like slag, and respect other peoples requests to turn music down, and don't hit out.

The alcohol is no excuse... If it really makes you behave like that, then you shouldn't drink.

Joysmum · 12/04/2015 08:33

Whatever the provocation, you chose to react the way you did.

You knew his preference for the volume in his car but ignored his wishes, you chose to hit the bag.

If you aren't like this is sober then stop drinking, you can choose that reaction to the events of last night.

...oh and don't be suprised if he has the self respect to dump you permanently.

MuddledMavis · 12/04/2015 08:49

Split up with him, he either brings out the worst in you-and you have already acknowledged that this isn't how it's supposed to be after only 8 months...or he is gas lighting you, either way it isn't a healthy relationship.

I had similar with an ex of mine-not me hitting him but anytime I was 'round town' drinking with my friends and he came to meet us it would end up in a huge argument when we got home.

My memory was always along the lines of him sniping at me, telling me how awful I was being and saying he would go home and me replying 'well if that's what you want to do that's okay but I'm going to bed so lock up on your way out'. It would always escalate to him shouting at me before stropping off to his and I'd wake up the next morning with a bit of a hangover wondering what had caused it. Each time he would tell me it was me, I had said something or done something that caused the full thing, he wasn't sorry for his reaction as it was caused by me. Nothing he said made sense as it was always so different to how I remembered it, but him being the sober one I took him at his word and took responsibility for whatever he said I had done thinking I must have been more drunk than I recalled.

It wasn't until he moved in with me and his strips started happening more regular and I had stopped having alcohol all together because of how awful it made me (I'm so silly as I'd been going out years with my friends and they always told me what a funny drunk I was-plus had never had blackouts but I believed him) that I realised it wasn't me causing them at all, in fact he would use anything as an excuse to kick off at me, to the point of being violent to me.

If I was in the same first scenario now as a an older wiser me-I'd walk away as the person I possibly was being is not the person I want to be....or it could be that my memory is correct and he is gas lighting, either way you'd be best running for the hills.

MuddledMavis · 12/04/2015 08:50

*strops not strips

FloristryCommission · 12/04/2015 08:59

3 or 4 glasses, or bottles?

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 12/04/2015 08:59

Yeah, it shouldn't be like this. You should end it. He sounds awful.

I understand that you really like him but this will only get worse.

And then I would look at your part in this and think about how you need to change your behaviour.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 12/04/2015 09:04

Just end it, it will only end in misery.

Northernparent68 · 12/04/2015 09:17

Op, are you going to spilt up or do you enjoy the drama of it all ?

Crossfitmyarse · 12/04/2015 09:20

He sounds awful? Confused

Hang on, he was the one who was sober, okay so he called her something vile out of frustration, but she was being an annoying drunkard and she hit him.

But he is the one who sounds awful. Hmm

Only on Mumsnet.

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 12/04/2015 09:22

So you read the rest of my post then... Hmm

LeBearPolar · 12/04/2015 09:29

I think you want us to commiserate with you and tell you that your behaviour was justified, judging by the way you're focusing on what he called you, but as others have said you both sound immature and badly behaved. You certainly don't seem to have any respect for each other. I don't think there's a future in the relationship at all, to be honest:if his instinctive response is to be verbally abusive and yours is to be physically abusive, that's not going to improve until you've both done some growing up - apart. You'd be best dropping his stuff off to him as you said and walking away before it gets worse.

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