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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I think I've just hit my boyfriend

72 replies

Fannypancake · 12/04/2015 03:14

That what he's said.

Went out for a drink. Not paralytic. 3-4 max. Went to a kcc drive through he said something I can't remember what but I put the music up in the car he told me not to i and turned it down. I did it again. He called me a stupid slag. I hit the bag of drinks up I think it hit him. We shouted. He kicked me out his car. He had my keys so I had to walk a fair dark distance to his house to get them back then home.

I said I'd get his stuff dropped to his tomorrow couldn't face seeing him. He said I punched him twice. I really don't think I did but apologised for hitting the bag if it hit him

Its only been 8 months. It's not meant to be like this

OP posts:
MetallicBeige · 12/04/2015 09:30

If dh drunkenly hit a bag of bottles up at me and was disrupting me being able to drive safely I'd want him out of the car too.

He shouldn't have called you a slag.

It sounds like you're better off without each other tbh.

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 12/04/2015 09:37

Lepolarbear, that's exactly what I was trying to say but you have said it better than I.

thedancingbear · 12/04/2015 10:28

'My wife was driving me home from the pub, I was plastered. I kept trying to turn the music up so she called be a twat. So I gave her a whack whilst she was trying to drive. Please confirm my actions are justified'

JustJanice · 12/04/2015 10:32

KFC....plastered after 3 drinks....ridiculous dramatics....I think you should forget this boy and concentrate on your GCSEs.

Original poster
Fannypancake · 12/04/2015 10:48

So because we eat kfc and don't drink often means we're kids?

OP posts:
Original poster
Fannypancake · 12/04/2015 10:51

I don't need you to justify my actions. He wasn't driving when this happened we was at the drive through. I never said what I did was right. He never called me a twat he called me a slag. Maybe you're used to being called names, I'm not.

OP posts:
PerspicaciaTick · 12/04/2015 10:54

The fact that you both resort to name calling and pushing/shoving/hitting makes you sound like toddlers. Only you are both old enough to know better.

LeBearPolar · 12/04/2015 10:54

Maybe you're used to hitting people: I'm not.

OK - you don't need us to justify your actions because - presumably - you feel they are justified. But what posters are doing is answering your question: where do we go from here? with the reply: break up because this is not a healthy relationship.

If you didn't want your actions justified and your question was merely rhetorical, I'm not sure what you wanted from the thread to be honest.

LeBearPolar · 12/04/2015 10:55

And yes, no-one has mentioned the KFC or the fact that you don't drink often (you didn't mention the latter either, to be fair Confused )as suggesting that makes you childish. It's your behaviour that does.

BaronessEllaSaturday · 12/04/2015 10:59

You are right you do not need to justify your actions, you do not need to justify deliberately trying to wind someone up by messing around with the volume when you have been asked not to. You do not need to justify responding to name calling by lashing out.

Where do you go from here? Your separate ways if either of you have any sense.

SilverBirch2015 · 12/04/2015 11:03

You both sound awful, maybe you are well-suited and get off on the drama?

But it is a pretty toxic relationship and potentially damaging, so it would be better to split up and sort yourselves out.

AnnieMoor · 12/04/2015 11:04

If alcohol makes you behave that way, you need to give it a miss. I am not surprised he kicked you out of the car.

Also avoid men that use that sort of language. You both sound extremely immature.

You didn't exactly sound like a match made in heaven, so no huge loss to either of you.

Nayville · 12/04/2015 11:07

I've been there, if he feels it's okay to call you a slag for doing something he found a little annoying then just leave now.

It just gets worse.

businesshoursareover · 12/04/2015 11:22

'My wife was driving me home from the pub, I was plastered. I kept trying to turn the music up so she called be a twat. So I gave her a whack whilst she was trying to drive. Please confirm my actions are justified'

Right. Can you imagine a man posting this? The double standards on here are unreal. I doubt a man punching a woman after being ''gaslighted'' would receive the same kindness on these boards. Victim blaming much? There would be 100 posts saying : call police, call WA, throw his stuff out, burn his clothes, change locks, are you safe etc etc. But somehow he's the bad guy...

I remember a thread where the woman punched and threatened her husband with a knife on several occasions yet the most critical comments she got was that they don't seem to be ''right for each other''. It took maybe 30-40 comments for a poster to mention how surreal the thread was.

WibblyWobblyHead · 12/04/2015 11:24

So you deliberately try to wind him up and then get annoyed when he retaliates? Hmm I wouldn't want you in my car either.

mrssmith79 · 12/04/2015 11:37

You can remember the exact words of his hurtful comment but are woolly on whether you assaulted him? Convenient. He could've called you the lovechild of Hitler and Hindley but the second you raise a hand in violence as opposed to defence you lose every shred of high ground.
Although I suspect you're only telling us what you want us to know in order to garner (undeserved) sympathy and justification.

Vivacia · 12/04/2015 11:46

So what's the plan this morning OP? I don't think you've had one person advise you to stay in this relationship.

SabrinnaOfDystopia · 12/04/2015 12:00

Don't go out with a man that would call you a 'stupid slag' under any circumstances.

businesshoursareover · 12/04/2015 12:06

Don't go out with a man that would call you a 'stupid slag' under any circumstances.

What about going out with a woman who punches you in the face?

Vivacia · 12/04/2015 12:07

What about going out with a woman who punches you in the face?

That's the advice we write to her partner when he starts a thread.

Spotifymuse · 12/04/2015 12:11

This is not a relationship. This is a car crash. Hopefully this guy will be gutsy enough to walk well away from you.

GraysAnalogy · 12/04/2015 12:15

Shame he's not on his way to the police station.

Shitmyhairdressersays · 12/04/2015 12:22

Blimey you lot. She hit the bag of drinks not him. I know it isn't great but I think she gets it everyone Hmm

Op where are you at today? Have you heard from him?
I think at 8 months you should be at the lovey dovey stage and not one where you're getting called a slag and lashing out.
I think you should split up (and that may have already happened).
It all sounds very distressing and stressful for both of you and will only escalate from here if you stay together.

GraysAnalogy · 12/04/2015 12:27

I remember a thread on here where a DP chucked a remote control at the couch in a rage and it accidentally hit the DW. He was verbally slaughtered for his actions. This is no different, lashing out and hurting someone is never okay.

businesshoursareover · 12/04/2015 12:33

That's the advice we write to her partner when he starts a thread.

No it's not. Can you imagine a man posting this and getting a ton of replies sayings she sounds ''gaslightingy'' and awful or that he should leave her because they're not ''compatible'' ? A man would be crucified for much, much less.. I've seen threads where posters were saying kick him out after being called a name by her husband of 10 years. Never seen ''I'd like to hear the other side of the story'' which often happens when the man is OP. And don't get me started in the double standards in advice when one of the partners refuses sex....

As you can see from the thread, the blame is mostly his or in the worst case they're not ''compatible'' so they should break up. Only a few of the latest posts are sane. But hey, I guess it's the norm these days, like when Kelly Brook went on TV to promote her book where she was almost bragging about punching several of her exes and the hosts were smiling and laughing along with her ? Can you imagine a man in that position having a lighthearted convo (and trying to cash in on it) about punching women on TV? Having re-watched Ratatouille recently I was shocked to see how many times the woman chef slaps, threatens with a knife or yells at the guy. Then you have all the movies and shows where women hitting men is seen as empowering... What can you expect when girls see these things from the time they are a few years old? Of course they grow up believing it's acceptable.

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