I think I've just hit my boyfriend

[Fannypancake]

That what he's said.

Went out for a drink. Not paralytic. 3-4 max. Went to a kcc drive through he said something I can't remember what but I put the music up in the car he told me not to i and turned it down. I did it again. He called me a stupid slag. I hit the bag of drinks up I think it hit him. We shouted. He kicked me out his car. He had my keys so I had to walk a fair dark distance to his house to get them back then home.

I said I'd get his stuff dropped to his tomorrow couldn't face seeing him. He said I punched him twice. I really don't think I did but apologised for hitting the bag if it hit him

Its only been 8 months. It's not meant to be like this

Unless your ambition is to be a guest in the Jeremy Kyle Show, I suggest you end it and gather what is left of your dignity

Name calling and swinging out at objects and/or people is dysfunctional and you are both at fault here

Were to start?

Why don't you know if you hit him or not? Were you pretty drunk? Or is he gaslighting?

He called no a slag and let you walk home in the dark.

Thus relationship should be over.

Ok so he called you a slag and left you in the street. And you think you didn't hit him, but he says you did.

You kept turning the music down in his car, were drunk and may have hit.

He shouldn't have called you a slag and you shouldn't have lashed out. Whether at the bag or at him. No one would accept a man saying I hit the bag and accidentally hit her too. It wouldn't be excused. Being drunk or aiming to lunch something else is not an excuse.

Whether you hit him or not this is not a good relationship that either of you should be in.

You're pushing at an open door business (although you lost me at Ratatouille).

You said posters would give the same advice to a man. As others have mentioned, the double standards on here are incredibly obvious and a man would be questioned, doubted and ultimately crucified for a lot less.

And how did I lose you at Ratatouille? The media is full of instances of women hitting men for whatever reason and being regarded as empowering, lighthearted or amusing. Violence against a woman would rarely (if ever) be portrayed in any of these ways. Ratatouille is just a good example of how early in life it starts.

FFS Ratatouille is a cartoon.

You said posters would give the same advice to a man. Where did I say that?

Seriously, I'm not arguing with you. I recently started a thread specifically addressing the problem of double-standards on Relationships.

If a man came on here and said "I got frustrated and hit at a bag of drinks, and my girlfriend threw me out of the car. Later, she told me that in fact I had punched her in the face, twice", I'd tell him he was being gaslighted. Come the fuck on. The OP didn't punch someone in the face, twice, and then forget about it.

What are you going to do, OP?

Imo if you stay together you are a fool.

Tortoise, I suspect the level of violence that actually occurred is somewhere in between the two accounts

I don't know your initial behaviour sounds very immature, his name calling was an over reaction and unpleasant. The way the whole escalated quite quickly over what is seemingly nothing is a sign that this is a bad relationship for both of you.

Now either you punched him twice and don't remember in which case you should end things OR he is lying in which case you should end things

FFS Ratatouille is a cartoon.

Things like cartoons and toys are some of the most influential things in a child's life. And isn't that stage in life the most important in constructing one's personality? Isn't that why boys want to be engineers or heroes and girls princesses or mums ? Or, since they're just cartoons, as you say, I guess you don't mind girls being pinkified and bombarded with anorexic princesses from day 1? And when' s the last time you saw violence against a woman in a cartoon, movie or show being shown as empowering, lighthearted or amusing? Maybe Family Guy a couple of times but being offensive and ''pushing boundaries'' is the essence of the show.

You said:

''That's the advice we write to her partner when he starts a thread.''

As you can see from the thread and other threads in the past, it's not. Maybe you'd give the same advice but you said ''we''. Most posters would crucify a man for far less.

I'm quite sure Frozen would have died on it's arse if i guy in was giving Ella a few slaps. Yes it's a cartoon but I see your point business

OP isn't sure whether she hit the bag or her boyfriend. Her sober boyfriend said she hit him. Truth be told, if I were at the wheel (whether at a stand still or not) and my drunken partner hit either me or anything I was holding, I'd chuck them out of the car too.

What beggars belief here is that the OP seems to be assuming there's a relationship to go back to if she pleases. There certainly wouldn't be if I were on the receiving side of her behaviour.

I'm quite sure Frozen would have died on it's arse if i guy in was giving Ella a few slaps. Yes it's a cartoon but I see your point business

I haven't seen Frozen but are there any male characters who aren't evil or bumbling/lovable idiots? Is there any yelling or slapping because he deserved it type of scene?

I do believe whether you meant to or not, you hit him. You said you hit the bag, well you shouldn't be hitting anything should you?

My ex used to punch walls when he was mad. It was scary and yes, it was domestic abuse because it made me feel threatened.

Op I think this relationship sounds like a real keeper... In fact have a couple of babies together. I think Jeremy Kyle has a free spot around Christmas where you can slug it all out.

no it shouldn't be like this after 8 months

I forget, how MANY months before it should be like this. ?

The thread with the remote if I recall it hit her in the head, she was injured, he laughed and it was part if a pattern of 'accidental' 'play' injuries. Hardly comparable.

And my abusive x used to out and out lie to my face that I had done things I had not. He had me so confused that I thought I was losing my mind. He tried to convince me I had thrown a glass at him when I KNOW i did not. Even going so far as showing me where it supposedly hit him.

If the op had said I punched my bf twice in the head ppl would be suggesting she sober up get anger management and not to be surprised if she was reported to police.
but the op says he told her she hit him.

nonetheless the advice is sober up, end the rs.

I don't see the massive double standard. No one is saying there there honey it will be fine.

it won't. It is at best a shit relationship that is best left.

I haven't seen Frozen but are there any male characters who aren't evil or bumbling/lovable idiots?

Yes, there are. Kristoff. Why not start a thread about sexism in cartoons/disney if you want to talk about that?

I agree with your post, mickGrundy.

OP I think you should end it.

But I doubt that you will.

I hope that one of you has ended it, it's like a train wreck waiting to happen.

OP Taking everything you've said at face value.

He called you a slag - whether you were annoying him or not, name-calling is never okay.

You struck out at him - whether he called you a name or not, it's not okay to hit him.

Assuming he's 100% telling you the truth, that you did indeed hit him, and he's stone-cold sober, I would tell him that he doesn't need to take being hit simply because you're a woman. Domestic violence is domestic violence. I would also tell him that calling someone names is juvenile and mean. If he really feels that way about you then he's obviously not happy and he should leave to allow you to find someone that makes you happy. If he calls everyone names, then he really needs to work on his behaviour.

Assuming you're right and you didn't actually punch him twice and he's gaslighting you, then you should leave. You DO remember striking out though and violence is never excused. You also admit you turned the music up twice (extremely annoying behaviour BTW) but also never an excuse to call someone names. So you were annoying and violent. Sure he may be lying about the severity of your actions (hitting the bag as opposed to punching him twice) but in either case you were definitely in the wrong, no matter the provocation.

So, leave him. You hitting him (no matter the severity) is wrong. Calling you a slag is wrong. That's either how he feels about you or how he reacts to your annoying behaviour (neither is okay). If this is what it's like 8 months in then yes, this isn't a good sign of things to come.

Agree completely with Sabrina and Mink.