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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Dirty ex..now current supposed to be BF.....should I dump him?

75 replies

ConfusedAndBothered · 02/11/2006 14:06

Ex and I were together for about a year and a half. No children together. About 8 weeks ago we broke up because I felt he was really untidy in himself and his home and I felt unloved as he never showed me any affection. I don't know if he was having an affair or not but I really don't think he was. We broke up on friendly terms but he begged and begged me not to leave him but I thought it was for the best. We lost contact until 2 weeks ago when I was worried I hadn't heard from him (he has attempted suicide in his past) so popped around and he was fine, just lost my number as he lost his phone.

As soon as he saw me he was all over me and begging me to get back with him. I was really unsure but ok says I. Just give him a chance. 3 weeks on he hasn't changed a bit. I was over last night and as usual his house is a mess. He leaves the dishes to dry themselves and doesnt bother to put them away so there are no pots in the cupboards....they are all still on the draining board from weeks ago. A bath towel and a bed sheet are strewn across the middle of the kitchen floor as are the vacuum cleaner, the ironing board and various other things. Loads of papers and medicine are all over his worktop. His cooker is disgusting. All his undies are dumped on the chair in his room, never his bed is made. The toilet has shit round the bowl probably from weeks ago despite a loo brush at the side of the toilet. He weighs 30 stone. While I was there yesterday he let out a HUGE stinky wind and thought it was funny. I thought it was disgusting. I have told him subtly he needs to clean himself and his home up but it doesnt work. It stinks. He's always swearing (f this, f that, twt etc..) in front of me and when he was loosing in a dvd game yesterday called me a fcker. I told him, again subtly, that he is really common and he ought to smarten himself up but he's a slob. I am really really nice when I tell him these things and offer to help but he takes no notice and right now I don't want to see him again because his house and even he makes me sick. There is something else he said last night which I will start another thread about.

OP posts:

marymillington · 02/11/2006 14:13

He doesn't sound - er - very attractive, in personality, habits or anything else really. Its good of you to care but what precisely does he have to offer you in the relationship?

PinkTulips · 02/11/2006 14:18

except for the weight he sounds like every man living on his own i've ever known.

if your not living together how he keeps his house in't really any of your business tbh, you can't order him to tidy up as if your his mother.

if you think this is too big an issue for you to get past then just leave, don't keep humming and haaing about it, its not fair on either of you

Mellowma · 02/11/2006 14:18

Message withdrawn

WhizzBangCaligula · 02/11/2006 14:22

FFS, dump him.

Why on earth is it your responsibility if he commits suicide or not?

Sorry to sound harsh, but jesus, run, woman, run. As fast as you can. In the opposite direction. Now. And never look back. If you don't hear from him for weeks, good.

Original poster

ConfusedAndBothered · 02/11/2006 14:25

I don't know anymore marymillington, people who we know do say he has a heart of gold but although he can be sweet sometimes and wouldn't do anything to hurt anyone intentionally he just is so untidy. We do have a laugh together but then comes out the foul language and it spoils it.

He has a gorgeous daughter who is 13 and admittedly an handful sometimes but he has stopped speaking to her because she always asks for money and tries to take advantage of him but I tell him isn't that what every teenager does?!?! She won't contact her and is being a really big child in this himself. The girl has an horrendous homelife on a troublesome estate with bad friends and a mother who doesnt care and although she is naughty it's not her fault at all

OP posts:

mascaraohara · 02/11/2006 14:25

Just posted on your other thread???

ledodgyfireworksingedmyeyebrow · 02/11/2006 14:26

expatinscotland · 02/11/2006 14:26

Is there a full moon soon?

Original poster

ConfusedAndBothered · 02/11/2006 14:27

But pinktulips his house is disgusting and I cannot ever imagine living with someone as unclean as him.

I think I've answered my own question - we don't have a future do we?

OP posts:

ledodgyfireworksingedmyeyebrow · 02/11/2006 14:27

In 3 days expat

mascaraohara · 02/11/2006 14:27

I think this is a load of bollocks

WhizzBangCaligula · 02/11/2006 14:28

You sound mad.

Of course there's no future for you. Why are you even asking?

Original poster

ConfusedAndBothered · 02/11/2006 14:29

you do mascara? ok, if you have msn i will gladly chat to you on there about the situation

OP posts:

HotterOtter · 02/11/2006 14:29

hmmmm

mascaraohara · 02/11/2006 14:31

no thanks, I have eyes that need pins sticking in them.

Rhubarb · 02/11/2006 14:34

Ah now you lot are so suspicious!

ConfusedandBothered, yes you have answered your own question. He is a lazy child who wants to marry a mother to look after him and spoil him. If you are ok with that then so be it. If not then get out. He wants you back because he likes the comfortable routine of you being around, if you leave he will have to find another mother to look after him which will require a bit of effort on his part.

Have a bit of pride in yourself woman! Is this what you want as a future? Is this what you think you deserve?

Original poster

ConfusedAndBothered · 02/11/2006 14:35

[email protected]

for anyone who doubts my story please tell me and i'll be happy to verify it is the truth

OP posts:

Rhubarb · 02/11/2006 14:36

I believe you. I think this lot are just too eager to shout "fake" at times.

Original poster

ConfusedAndBothered · 02/11/2006 14:37

Thank you Rhubarb
I know I deserve much better but I do worry about hurting his feelings when I finish with him but I suppose it is the only way forward.

OP posts:

Rhubarb · 02/11/2006 14:38

Plus doesn't it speak volumes about your situation when so many people do not believe you? Because it is unbelievable that people like your bf are still around and more unbelievable that they manage to attract women like yourself!

Original poster

ConfusedAndBothered · 02/11/2006 14:39

I don't even understand why it appears fake. Maybe because I'm still with him? I just need that extra encouragement that I'm not being to OTT in my standards of cleanliness or being unfair to him.

OP posts:

mascaraohara · 02/11/2006 14:39

you finished with him and he didn't call you... you went round his place and he told you he lost your number fgs.. take a hint... he don't want you... he took you back because you went round there. he a 30 stone slob who asked out someone else. If he lost your number he could've gone round your house.

All weird.

beckybrastraps · 02/11/2006 14:40

People think it is SO unlikely that you would remain with this man that this is surely a wind-up. That should perhaps tell you something.

expatinscotland · 02/11/2006 14:41

Sorry but it does seem fake.

ledodgyfireworksingedmyeyebrow · 02/11/2006 14:42

It was the two threads about the same thing which made me suspicious, sorry.

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