Dirty ex..now current supposed to be BF.....should I dump him?

[ConfusedAndBothered]

Ex and I were together for about a year and a half. No children together. About 8 weeks ago we broke up because I felt he was really untidy in himself and his home and I felt unloved as he never showed me any affection. I don't know if he was having an affair or not but I really don't think he was. We broke up on friendly terms but he begged and begged me not to leave him but I thought it was for the best. We lost contact until 2 weeks ago when I was worried I hadn't heard from him (he has attempted suicide in his past) so popped around and he was fine, just lost my number as he lost his phone.

As soon as he saw me he was all over me and begging me to get back with him. I was really unsure but ok says I. Just give him a chance. 3 weeks on he hasn't changed a bit. I was over last night and as usual his house is a mess. He leaves the dishes to dry themselves and doesnt bother to put them away so there are no pots in the cupboards....they are all still on the draining board from weeks ago. A bath towel and a bed sheet are strewn across the middle of the kitchen floor as are the vacuum cleaner, the ironing board and various other things. Loads of papers and medicine are all over his worktop. His cooker is disgusting. All his undies are dumped on the chair in his room, never his bed is made. The toilet has shit round the bowl probably from weeks ago despite a loo brush at the side of the toilet. He weighs 30 stone. While I was there yesterday he let out a HUGE stinky wind and thought it was funny. I thought it was disgusting. I have told him subtly he needs to clean himself and his home up but it doesnt work. It stinks. He's always swearing (f this, f that, twt etc..) in front of me and when he was loosing in a dvd game yesterday called me a fcker. I told him, again subtly, that he is really common and he ought to smarten himself up but he's a slob. I am really really nice when I tell him these things and offer to help but he takes no notice and right now I don't want to see him again because his house and even he makes me sick. There is something else he said last night which I will start another thread about.

He couldn't be bothered to memorise your number or hunt it out when he lost it, that's how much he cares about you.

Why are you so concered about his feelings when he so obviously doesn't give a shit about yours? That comment about asking that girl out, I don't believe he did for one minute but I think it's a pathetic play for sympathy "if you leave me no-one will ever love me!" and he's right too, unless he changes his act!

It sounds fake because most women would not put up with any of that and would have left long ago. The fact that you are still with him, falling for his excuses, is unbelievable!

We met in the pub and he was really polite and scrubbed up well in his suit. From that moment onwards I saw the real him but was, and still am, afraid of being alone. If any goodlooking men do ask me out I give them my number then refuse to go on a date as I'm frightened they will be really sick when they see me naked. I am a size 20 and as you can probably tell, desperately insecure about all my lumps and bumps.

I think the girl exists Rhubarb but of course he could still make it all up - he says she is an ex of a guy he works with although I have never met this guy.

I have a friend quite a lot bigger than you and she wouldn't put up with that I can tell you!

If you're between 20-35 and in the London area, the BBC is looking for women to be in a show about how burlesque can help you gain confidence.

And before anyone slates me, they really are!

It's in the ad section on here.

Why are you afraid of being alone?

Being alone isn't so bad - it's better than being with someone who makes you bad.

If men ask you out, they know you are a large lady and perhaps that is what they like? They are hardly expecting you to be a svelte size 10 once you undress are they? They are more likely to be incredibly nervous themselves about their own bodies.

We all have hang-ups about our bodies. But the fact that you are with someone and still have hang-ups proves to me that he doesn't love you. My dh made me feel confident about my body and whereas I used to hide behind baggy trousers and tops, I now wear fitted clothes thanks to his confidence in me.

You need to find someone who will give you that same confidence. This man just wants to bring you down to his level.

I understand beckybrastraps but I really really don't like to let people down and even though he's obviously an idiot (by my own admission) he was devestated the first time I dumped him and I do care about hurting people but you are all right. He doesn't care about me so why should I care about him.

Oh FFS he wasn't devastated. He lost your number. A devastated man doesn't do that.

And plus, a devastated man who is given a second chance, changes. He hasn't. He wasn't effing devastated.

Even though he is 30 stone he still always asks if I'm on a diet and when I say I am not he shows his disapproval and tells me I will look nice thin.

Me telling you all these things he does to me actually shocks me i'm still with him. I used to be strong and independant and would tell any man who dissed me where to go but now i'm like a wilted flower.

30 stone! I missed that bit in the op.

Christ, I'm starting to question my own life. Why am I still here?

'now i'm like a wilted flower. '

Gawd, that is tragic.

Open your eyes woman! He doesn't care for you, he doesn't love you! That may be hard for you to accept, after all what we are telling you is that you have wasted 1.5 years of your life with a loser, but hopefully you can stop this now and not waste any more time with him.

Start rebuilding your life, surround yourself with friends who care about you, get your old confidence back and never, ever let anyone take that away from you again!

LOL Mascaraohara. You are entertaining me hugely today

He's an un-appealing, stinky loser tell him to Fuck Off!

Going to do school run now and hope you've dumped him by the time i'm back!

just talking to you ladies have helped. thanks so much. you probably won't even know who I am with the name change because usually i'm so bubbly and one of the 'loudest' probably on here but this topic makes me withered. I am going to change my life around starting from here. You have given me the confidence to make the change so thank you all so much for that. Do I tell him it's over or just ignore his calls? He won't come to mine as I don't think he even knows what number or street I live at. He's only been twice in the whole time we've been together.

ROFL @ EPIS

He's a mess, he is doing that age old thing of finding all his own faults in you so he feels like a man. Tell him to piss off. I cannot believe he is mentioning your weight when he is thirty stone. Is he insane?

I would stay away from him until he gets some strength and confidence in himself.

I would if i was you stay away from men until you do the same.

Women who don't like being on their own end up with pricks to fill the gap ( so to speak).

Start to enjoy your own company and be relaxed with yourself, the best thing i ever did was stay single until all my anxieties went about being on my own.

'now i'm like a wilted flower. '

Gawd, that is tragic.

I know, i'm pathetic but it is so how I feel.

Lol at pricks filling gaps.

ROFL @ EPIS

Thanks Fimbo

C'mon now, people still think you are taking the piss and you can see why! Ignore his phone calls if he can be arsed to pick up the phone that is!

Come back in 3 months time a changed woman!

Incidentally, I was so happy when we broke up for the period. I was Paula again and I know I was a complete tosspot to get back with him.

I will Rhubarb

Thanks for all your time and advice everyone. I have to go out now and this will be the last you see of 'ConfusedandBothered' because when everything is right again i'll be back as my normal name and not ashamed