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Original poster

DH struggling to cope with my pregnancy sickness

127 replies

LilacWine7 · 09/04/2015 16:49

I was diagnosed with severe form of pregnancy sickness 3 months ago and it hasn't improved much. I've tried medications and every alternative remedy out there but most days i still vomit several times and some days I vomit 10x or more. In between I feel nauseous though have started to have a few hours a day when the nausea lifts.

DH was very patient at first but now he is fed-up and frustrated. He complains we have no social life, no sex life and he feels neglected. I've explained I can't get in the mood for sex when I feel sick (we've only had sex 4x since I got pregnant) and I hate leaving the house unless essential as I hate being sick in public. Friends visit us at home but i find it tiring, and when we have overnight guests he ends up doing most of entertaining. Ive managed to go back to work part-time but often take days off sick when i'm vomiting a lot (its a very physical client-centred job). He thinks I should force myself to go in every day as its a new role and I need to make good impression.

Most of time he's very caring, does all the food shopping, helps with meal prep etc. Other days he gets angry and says I need to make more effort with our relationship, try harder to go to work and get out of house more. He thinks fresh air and eating something every hour will help, but sometimes nothing helps and he doesn't understand I can't eat regularly at work. He nags me to eat all the time as he's worried the baby might not get enough nutrients.

How can i improve our relationship and help him to be less impatient? I know its hard for him but I don't have much energy. I can't watch movies with him either (TV triggers sickness) and when I feel ill i just want to curl up by myself. How do i stop him feeling neglected and ignored? I know he's stressed and worried, but how do i reassure him? He says my mood-swings are horrendous.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 09/04/2015 16:51

I think your husband is a prick

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 09/04/2015 16:52

He's the one being a sick. You don't have to change anything but he needs to buck his ideas up big time.

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 09/04/2015 16:52

*dick not sick!

scratchandsniff · 09/04/2015 16:55

He needs to quite simply stop being a cunt. You CAN'T help it. Show him the replies on this thread.

TracyBarlow · 09/04/2015 16:55

What AF said.

How can you help him cope with your morning sickness? Wow.

Your husband needs to belt up. I've suffered with severe sickness in my three pregnancies, all in the past four years. If my husband had moaned that he wasn't getting enough sex I'd have had his guts for garters.

woowoo22 · 09/04/2015 16:57

He is being massively self centered and selfish. You are growing another human. He gets angry, wtf??!

sadwidow28 · 09/04/2015 16:59

It takes a lot of physical selflessness to 'grow a baby'.

  • You didn't want to be a Mum-to-be who is nauseous or vomiting all the time.
  • He now has to step up to the plate and also be physically and emotionally selfless too.

His role is to look after you and give you a supportive, healthy environment whilst you grow your (his) baby in a supportive and healthy environment.

acatcalledjohn · 09/04/2015 16:59

He doesn't sound exactly emotionally supportive by focusing on how hard it is on him, rather than you. YOU are the one puking up your guts repeatedly, which is an incredible strain on your body for one day, let alone several months.

Maybe ask him if he'd rather you put yourself and thus your baby first, or whether his life trumps that of you and the baby.

A friend of mine suffered from HG, and when she found something to help her in the morning (ginger tea - she hates it but it was better than puking) he made it for her whenever he could. The fact you are willing and able to bear his child should make him worship the fecking ground you walk on.

I'm sorry you are going through this. Flowers

Thurlow · 09/04/2015 17:00

On the one hand, yes, it's true it is hard for people who aren't going through something to fully understand how it makes you feel. I had the just eat a bit, maybe fresh air will help you feel better, I'm sure you'll enjoy the distraction of going out for a bit etc from so many people. The only person I felt who really understood when I was at my sickest was my mum, who also had HG.

And similarly I would agree to a small degree that it can be difficult for the husband when there is such a radical change in your relationship, when the intimacy is lost quite a lot, when you can't share the same hobbies and interests as you did before. That's not really related to pregnancy, that would be the adjustment to any partner becoming ill with something.

I know when I was at my sickest I was honest with DP and said I did love him and I missed the intimacy, going out, seeing our friends, all that stuff just as he missed it too.

But the main thing was that he accepted it. As your DH needs to accept it. I didn't mind DP saying that he missed sex - I missed sex too - but I have to say if he had dared say that I needed to make more effort I think I might have hit him.

You are pregnant, therefore hormonal and tired. And you are ill on top of that.

Personally I'd tell him quite bluntly that if he thinks this is all a fun game for you, if he thinks that you're just not going out or not eating much deliberately and for the hell of it, if he honestly thinks that throwing up 10x a day for months on end is somehow enjoyable or, you know, not as bad as not having sex very much, then he's an idiot.

Good luck and I hope you feel better soon. But you do need to be honest and tell him that you are ill, and he's the problem.

Viviennemary · 09/04/2015 17:01

He sounds a total pain. It's obvious you are suffering from this horrendous nausea and all he thinks about is how he'll cope. I wouldn't have a lot of patience with this man I'm afraid. Poor him.

HolgerDanske · 09/04/2015 17:02

Uhm what?!

I don't like him at all. I hope he's worth it.

Also, does he have any idea what parenthood entails? Because if he thinks the last few months have been tough on his sex life and his general expectation of your relationship, he ain't seen nothin' yet!

Jan45 · 09/04/2015 17:02

Please tell him to fuck right off, what an absolute prick. Would love to see him coping with that, poor you. If he can't act like a normal human being that cares for you, you'd be better of with someone who actually gives a shit about your welfare.

DustingOffTheDynastySuit · 09/04/2015 17:02

2 options:

  1. He's scared and worried for you and your baby, and frustrated he can't do anything to help, and sad that you're losing your last 'free' time as a couple.

  2. He's a selfish man-child who needs to do a fuck-load of growing up because no sex life/social life/constant tiredness and feeling 'pushed out' Hmm is pretty much par for the course when you have a newborn. To coin a phrase I've only seen used on here, suck it up buttercup (him, not you).

You probably have a hunch which one it is. If it's the former then just figure out what will make it better - cold hard facts would work for my DH, as in the baby will get its nutrients even if you subsist entirely on Digestive biscuits and Rennies.

If it's the latter, start doing some groundwork right now or a new baby is going to come as a helluva shock to him and you won't get the support you need.

IsabellaRoarsome · 09/04/2015 17:02

Seriously?!!! If the shoe was on the other foot I bet he'd be 'dying' he needs to man up and support you through this! Jeez I hope you never come down with a serious illness!

glasgowlass · 09/04/2015 17:02

What AnyFucker said! I'd add selfish to the mix. Bellend

Fairylea · 09/04/2015 17:02

None of this bodes well for when the baby actually arrives. (Sorry to be bearer of doom)..your husband sounds like a total arse!

Who in their right mind would feel like having sex or doing anything when feeling so sick?!

God help him if you go off sex completely for 6 months or so after the birth or have a baby like my ds who didn't sleep for longer than an hour day or night for the first 4 months....!

He needs to grow up and realise his life is changing.

BaronessBomburst · 09/04/2015 17:03

I threw up for nine months. I couldn't go into work at all. My DH went out of his way to bring me drinks, tidbits, and did all the housework.
Yours is being a self centred numpty.
And the baby will be fine; it's your health and nutrients that will be depleted.

DustingOffTheDynastySuit · 09/04/2015 17:03

Sorry, that sounded like it was your responsibilty to fix this. It isn't, by the way, on any level.

passmethewineplease · 09/04/2015 17:08

Struggling to cope with YOUR illness? And it is BTW, HG isn't just morning sickness!

he needs to be more supportive.

If he's "Struggling" then how the hell does he think you're feeling?

He needs to take a look at himself.

passmethewineplease · 09/04/2015 17:09

Just to add I hope you feel better soon OP.

MadameJulienBaptiste · 09/04/2015 17:10

he can't cope with your morning sickness???
I read the title and thought selfish prick'
Then I saw that he is complaining about lack of sex because you are either being sick or feeling nauseous.

if he's finding the lack of attention on himself hard now then he will be much worse once baby arrives.
I was sick, nauseous and lightheaded for 9 months with both babies and I had nothing but sympathy from the father of my children.

ThingummyJigg · 09/04/2015 17:12

I notice you are married to this wet end.

Ask him exactly what he thinks is meant by the phrase 'in sickness and in health?'

butterflyballs · 09/04/2015 17:16

I hope he doesn't think things,will get better once the baby is,born because sex and a social life will be the last thing on your mind. It will be sleep.

I won't add to the general comments aimed at your husband, which I agree with, but will add that he doesn't seem mature enough to cope with being a parent. He's far too selfish and if he can't cope with the pregnancy then I have no idea how he will cope with the demands of a baby that will require your attention all the time. His needs will be below the dogs because he's an adult who should be able to look after himself and also cope with not being the centre of attention.

basgetti · 09/04/2015 17:16

I had severe HG throughout my recent pregnancy. It is very debilitating and can be a significant risk factor for ante natal and post natal depression, especially if you are not being supported. How dare he treat you like this? I didn't have sex with my partner at all during pregnancy, I could barely function. Had he behaved how your husband is, I think I would have left him. BTW there is a wonderful support thread in the pregnancy section on here, it really helped me. I hope you start to feel better soon.

OnlyLovers · 09/04/2015 17:17

He's an arse.

Sorry OP. But you don't need to 'stop him feeling neglected and ignored' or 'reassure him'. He needs to grow up.

If my DP said anything like this to me I'd show him a fucking mood swing. But he wouldn't, because he's a reasonable adult.

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